Wednesday, June 20, 2012

PYHO: Family Circus

Why do I have to be the bad guy? I know that I can't be the only one that it bothers?

This weekend on Sunday for Father's Day we spent the day at my father in law's house. It was my idea. I thought it would be nice to get together with my husband's father and his step mom and do dinner. Since we didn't buy him a gift, this was our way of saying happy Father's Day.

While discussing the plan for going to his dad's house, the time frame for departure was agreed upon. This is something that I have to set when going to his house. You cannot go blind, per say,  to their house. It's a horrible way of dealing with family, but after many times of bad visits, this is what it has come to. We agreed on 7pm.

What we didn't know was that his step mother decided to invite everyone else over too. My husband's brother, his wife, their son, his step brother and his girlfriend and their children. We find this out after getting there. I wasn't thrilled, for many reasons.

One, because I brought food to prepare and was not prepared to feed and extra seven people. Two, my BIL's son is a bad influence on my children and I have to watch him like a hawk around my kids. Three, his step brother is an alcoholic and drinks like a fish. He pretty much takes after his mother (the step mom).

I thought that we would be "safer" having dinner at home since last year's Father's Day was a close disaster at a restaurant.
 His step mom drank wayyyy too much something before getting there, during the 45 minute wait to be seated and during dinner. She was belligerent to the waiter, loud as hell while preparing her salads at the salad bar and made everyone very uncomfortable during the meal. I swore to my husband that that was the very last time I would ever eat in public with her again.

I was dead wrong.

His step mother had been drinking prior to our arrival and and continued through the day.

It was very uncomfortable dealing with her. For one, I had to use her kitchen to cook the dishes of food I was preparing. I wished that I was some where else. Thankfully I was able to share laughs and wth looks with my sister in law during this. She feels the same way I do about having to be there.

But it didn't help with her comments and repeated questions about what I was making. Why was I making that? And that she felt so bad because she didn't make home made potato salad and bought hers. And then a few minutes after she returned from her cigarette break she would start all over again with her questions. The very same questions she had already asked me.

The drinking ensued.

When she starts bugging my kids is when I get unnerved. They were being very, very good. They were sitting on the couch playing their DS's and she interrupted them to insist that they sit next to her. Give her a hug. Hang out with her. Yada yada yada.

Now she only showed them attention because her son's children did not come. Apparently there is an issue with his girlfriends' parents and they will not allow the children to leave their house.
Because if those grand children had been at the house, my children would have been ignored.

The rest of the day went on like this until dinner. Of course we had our dinner drama when I asked if we should put an extension in the table to have more seats around it. She went cuckoo about that. I was almost at my wits end.

Finally at 8pm, an hour after the agreed upon time, we were able to start packing up to leave. I ordered the kids to get their backpacks and their gear to go. And she started her departing antics." Are you leaving? Why are you leaving? Is it already time to go? Are you just packing and staying? When can we do this again?"

I was done.

Done. Done. Done.

I was pretty mad about the circus that went on that day. I told myself, no more. I can't do this anymore. I wasn't going to say anything to my husband, but then Miss K said something about how grandma was acting. I knew that one day she would notice the abnormal behavior. I tried explaining to her about it but decided that enough was enough.

I told my husband about our conversation. Sadly, we will not be going over there anytime soon.

 I'm relieved.

There are some deep underlying problems with his step mother that I haven't even touched on here. If given the back ground on why I feel the way I do, then it might make more sense. Last year's restaurant episode was not the first time she has gotten intoxicated and acted out of line. She is medically bi polar and refuses to take her medicine, she shouldn't be consuming alcohol but she does. Was supposed to have gone to a medical facility to get help, it never happened. She says that she doesn't need a doctor, psychiatrist or "head" doctor to help her. \

As I have said to my husband before and said again. It's not about us anymore. The kids will not deal with this or witness this. They are our responsibility to protect.


momof12 said...

That's a tough one! Maybe you could celebrate Fathers' Day a week early next year. Just tell them you want to spoil your own hubby on the actual date.

Michelle said...

That's so hard!  Lose lose situation for everyone:( are definitely right, need to protect your kids!  Maybe the next time you have to see them you can do an early am breakfast so his stepmother can't drink as much beforehand!

Singlemominthesouth said...

I really feel for you, because I know what's its like to have people like that in your life. You are right, though, it comes down to the children and THEY don't need to be exposed to that!

CrazyKindofMom said...

 I'm wishing we could just celebrate Father's Day with our kids, that's it. My parents never went to visit their parents( for mother's day or father's day) when I was growing up, neither did my husband's. Our parents tend to forget that we are parents now too.

CrazyKindofMom said...

 I thought about this last night and came to the conclusion that it won't matter when or what time we got together with her. She has always been "off base", but the last five years have been gradually worse. I keep my cool, but I'm getting to my breaking point. thank you for your advice. :)

CrazyKindofMom said...

 Thank you. I wonder if many people don't understand, which explains the lack of comments. I don't like making my husband choose and I told him that he is more than welcome to go visit his father- alone. I have to draw the line.

unknownmami said...

 I'm sorry that you went through all that effort and things weren't pleasant. You did your best.

shellthings said...

What a bunch of drama! I wouldn't want to keep going through with that, either.