Red Writing Hood: Not a Fighter

I didn't want to go back there, I was safe behind these walls. Being home I was protected by brick and mortar. The phone rang and I didn't answer it, the answering machine picked up. I tuned out the venomous words that were spoken for me. It didn't matter what they said about me on a machine, it could be easily erased from an answering machine tape with the click of a button. It was going to be a long Christmas Break, it was just the break I needed but never expected.

Just two weeks earlier the eight of us were a group of girls, eighth graders enjoying our friendships. It started out with three of us being close friends together. Julie. Tera. Me.
Inseparable. Best friends.
We each had another close friend and they joined our threesome. We shared lockers together, makeup with each other, traded clothing and spent weekends at each others houses. Lunch at school we had "our table". We sat together. Everyday.

When you have three, some one is going to get left out. Disagreements happen. Girls are viscous. It happens overnight when you're not there to defend yourself. The next morning you go to school and they've decided that you're not their friend anymore.

You hear from some one else in the group that Julie is pissed off with you. You know that the rest of your day is going to suck. It's lunch time and you go to the place you've always sat at with two of the girls from your group. You go to sit down with lunch tray in hand and Tera tells you, "you're not sitting here today". What?!

Julie shows up, she carries herself like she is queen of the lunch room. She looks right through you and gives you a cold, hard stare. The look that tells you you are not worth my time. The classes you share with each of them are more painful. You can't sit at the desk you always have because they have invited some one else there. You find yourself slinking to the back of the room while everyone stares at you. You see them whispering about you.

The locker you once shared with Julie is now being shared between Tera and Julie. You have no choice but to approach her about your books and backpack in her locker. She hears you and after much thought she throws them out on the floor of the hallway. How much worse can this get?

The week before holiday break gives you false hope that you will survive and everyone will make up. Tera and Julie have stopped talking about you and giving you a hard time. You're looking forward to the eighth grade party on Friday during the last two periods of class. But they circle you and your friends Nichole and Brandy.
"You bitch. Why don't you just get lost. I want to kick your ass", Julie spits at you. You're terrified. You're not a fighter.
She is not satisfied anymore with just ignoring you.
"Just leave me alone.", you say. The bell rings for the end of the day and you can't get to the bus fast enough. Julie follows you to the bus, calling you names and pushing you from behind. Stupid. Whore. Slut. You know as soon as you board, you'll be safe. You may not be a fighter but you will not show her your weak. You never cry. Not in front of her.






This week, we want fightin' words.

Write a piece about a fight. What happened? Why? Who "won"? What were the repercussions?

Show us. Use emotion. Description. If it's a fist fight, what did it feel like to hit someone - or be hit? What does it feel like to be screamed at - or get the silent treatment?

PYHO:Money Isn't Free

I know that I shouldn't worry about what other people do. I'm supposed to worry about myself and mind my own business. But damn it, this issue that I have, well it burns me. I'm tired of people sticking their hand out and not doing anything to get it. Right now, case in point would be my BIL.

Last night my husband tells me that his brother is tired of his current job right now. What's new? As if I haven't heard this at least a dozen times or more and not just about where he is working now.

I told my husband, "you're wasting your time trying to talk him out of quitting. I know for a fact he has his mind set and you won't change it."

My husband continues to have a texting conversation with his brother trying to convince him to look for another job while still working. That makes more sense.
The conversation ended when my BIL realized that my husband was not going to support his irresponsible idea.

This is what gets under my skin! A person has a perfectly good paying job, yeah maybe the hours suck, but you're getting paid decent money. They's rather just quit, sit on their a$, look like they're trying to find a job and get paid unemployment to do so. But I had my aha moment this morning, yeah in the bathroom, where I always have those epitomes. You cannot collect unemployment in the State of Florida if you quit your job. So when you apply for it and your last employer says, "no he quit", boom you're done. Rejected.

So, now as a Christian woman I shouldn't be saying, "haha, you DA, that's what you get!" I should be saying " you might want to rethink this. You will not get benefits for quitting. " You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I know full well, I'm wasting my time. He's been down this road many times, quitting well paying jobs because the going gets rough. Usually not getting unemployment wages, but he got a taste of it a year ago. He was laid off and got unemployment and sat on his butt. So he's thinking, I'll do that again. Summer is right around the corner and I can chill out, hang with my buddies, go ride my motorcycle and get PAID!

Not so fast, brother dear!

RemembeRED:Going up in Flames

In one evening my life was spiraling out of control and I could do nothing to stop it. One moment I'm smiling and enjoying the evening with a hundred children the next I'm collapsed on the floor of my kitchen sobbing tears. I will never forget that moment in my life when my husband walked out of my life and I was caught off guard.

The emptiness. The fear of the unknown of what the future held for me. I had to collect myself for the children. At that moment my life wasn't about me anymore, it was about the well being of my two innocent children.

I was numb and went through the motions that evening. Baths. Teeth. Brushing hair. Vitamins. Bed time stories. Kisses and hugs.

After that, I couldn't tell you what I did. If I had to guess ,I cried myself to sleep that night. If I even slept that much. I remember being exhausted mentally and physically.

The morning didn't bring much peace to my mind, but I continued through what was expected of me as a mother. I would not let my problems affect their lives. Not then. Not yet. I hoped that he would call and we could work it out before the kids questioned why he wasn't there.

I knew that I couldn't do this alone, but my husband, their father was unreachable.

Not answering my calls.

I did what I was afraid to do. The shame of being a woman whose husband walked out on her is not the label I wanted. But I called my friend,I needed to tell some one. She did not judge me. She listened to my cries and sobs. She was there for me.

I would not have survived that weekend if she had not been there for me. She held me up when I felt that I couldn't go on. She stood by side. She stepped in like a friend, a good friend should do. I am forever grateful for her compassion, love and friendship.

I grew up that weekend and learned a few things about myself. I discovered that when I am weak, that it's okay to ask for help and turn to some one. I realized that I don't always have to have it all together, that no one is perfect. I learned who my true friends are. I learned to let my walls down and open up to others besides just my husband.

This vulnerable time in my life opened doors to friendships that were still in the developing stages. Those friendships are stronger and those women have built me up in ways that I never expected.

I am forever grateful for their presence in my life that weekend and thereafter. I can't imagine where I would be if they had not been there. You find your true friends amidst the flames. When your life is in flames, the ones pulling you out are the ones who love you the most.




This week we want you to recall something in your life that seemed terrible at the time, but looking back, brought you something wonderful.

A positive from a negative experience.

5QF: Easter

Happy Easter Weekend!
I'm looking forward to a nice family fun filled
weekend. The kids and I dyed our Easter eggs this evening
and they look really cute!
I was going to take the kids to an egg hunt on Saturday but the hubs
didn't want to fight the masses and stand in line to get a few
free eggs filled with candy. So we have decided to go to Sea World .
The best part, this weekend starts the new Shamu show called
Ocean One. We couldn't have timed that better.
The kids don't know the plan, so they'll be excited. Especially
since we skipped seeing Shamu last month because we were so tired of the Believe show.
I won't say this will be a relaxing holiday weekend..
I decided to host Easter dinner at my house for my parents and
the hubs' dad and stepmom. Wish me luck!
Now for some 5QF.

1. What is your favorite Easter tradition? I LOVE hiding the plastic Easter eggs and watching the kids find them. Before having kids, I used to hide them for my niece and nephew and it was so fun! Now watching my 16 yr old niece and 12 yr old nephew is pretty funny, because they get into these drag out arguments when hunting the eggs. Hiding the eggs has been a tradition for my family for years. I remember waiting in the house with all the curtains pulled while my dad would hide the eggs outside. There was always one "golden" egg and one "silver" egg that were prize eggs to find, which were created from tinfoil and paint for the gold one. Those were the days.

2. Are you a "shower" or a "long, hot bath" kind of person? I like to take a long, hot shower and let the spray of water beat on my shoulders. An uninterrupted shower is the best kind, but those are few and far between. For some reason there is always a crisis when I step into the bathroom. So long gone are the days when I can just relax in the shower. I'm lucky if I get to shave my legs without one of the kids calling me.

3. Can you parallel park and if so when is the last time you did it? I sure can. Unlike the people I watch trying to pull straight into one at Walmart. (our Walmart has parallel parking) I wonder how they ever passed the driving test?! I think I parked the van like that about a month ago. It's hard to get one of those spots. Or I could learn to do it like this.

4. What is your favorite Easter candy? Cadbury eggs or Robin Eggs. It's a toss up between those two. I had to stop buying the Robin eggs because I would eat an entire bag in one sitting, I just can't stop.

5. Easter: do you go all out with the Easter Bunny or focus on the religious part of the holiday?
I try to focus on the true meaning of why we celebrate Easter and not go overboard on the bunny. I want my children to know why we celebrate this day and why it is so important. We always attend church service so my children know why we do. Like all the religious holidays, I remind my kids of the true meaning of why it's celebrated and still let them enjoy the "magic" of it.

Safe than Sorry

I take a lot of photos of my kids on my digital camera. I'm really bad about saving the photos to the hard drive on my husband's mac computer. Honestly, I have no idea how to so I have to wait for him to do it. So my 8GB disc had 908 photo files on it from December to April.

I'm semi careful with my disc, making sure to keep it dry, eject it when the computer says it's safe, but I never thought about not carrying it in my pocket. I've carried it in a pouch in my purse and it was fine but something happened to it in my pocket.

Last night I put it back in the camera and tried to take some photos of my dog. One click was all I got. Then it wouldn't work anymore and I thought the battery was dead. I looked at the display and it said CHA instead of a number count. I was like, what??
So I pushed the play button to view my photos and the display read, This Card cannot be used.
OH MY GOD! My stomach sunk. I started sweating, freaking out and needed to turn on my computer. Of course, the darned thing was taking FOREVER to boot up.
I put the card in the sd slot and only heard like a no no no beep. Not the nice bing bong it makes when it recognizes the card.
The computer was not seeing the card, I checked "my computer" and the port was not showing. I pulled out the card, licked (yes, licked) the metal end and slid it back in. Something in the spit worked and the computer recognized it had the card in. I opened the icon and it read, THIS FOLDER IS EMPTY.
I think I went into shock. Normally I would cry, shout and act like a child about a crisis. But I remained calm and tried to think of what to do. Those pictures were on that card and I had to try and recover them.
I Googled "sd card recovery" and clicked the first option. It was fate and I got lucky to find a program that would let you download it's program as an evaluation to attempt to recover lost photos or files. If it didn't work then you were not out the money. It's called winrecovery.
It searched my card and starting downloading the files into a file on it's program and after it's done, you can view the files/photos to ensure that it did it's job. After viewing you then have the option to purchase so you can save the files.
It worked!! It was worth the money to recover photos that were irreplaceable. Memories that would be lost.
Lesson learned? Don't forget to upload photos regularly. We'll see about that. No promises. But I do have a back up plan in the event of an emergency.

PYHO: Where the Heart is

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

I'm at a crossroads in my spiritual life. As far as I can remember into my childhood, I know that my parents tried to instill religion into my life. They took us to church, Bible camps and Sunday School until I was about ten years old. Then, the hectic lifestyle of them working outside the home six days a week took a toll on us going to Sunday services. It ceased to exist.

I found the love for God again after getting married. I was Baptized the Easter Sunday in 2003 and reconfirmed my faith with Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit working in me, I have faithfully tried to get my husband to be more committed to God, Christianity and the Bible.

After, nearly losing my marriage my husband and I started fresh in a new church home. The church we were attending was leaving me frustrated. The time and commitment I was putting into it was taking it's toll on my marriage. One of the most sacred things to God, the union of a man and woman.

It is our job to glorify his name, the union of two souls working together to do so.

We left the small church.

My husband and I started attending services at a very large church. The pastor's word spoke to our hearts. His interpretation of the Bible compared to today's lifestyles captured us. I wanted more, I wanted to join groups in this church. We decided to attend a new member class for those who wish to become a member.

The smoke and mirrors were gone. It felt like we were being tested, looked at under a microscope and now I question, is this the place for us? There are bi laws of being a member that I question and can't seem to get past.

My sister in law gave me a good metaphor for how I feel. "The small church you used to go to was like a shoe too small to fit. You chose a larger "shoe", but it's too big. Quit stuffing it with newspaper to make it work. You have to find the right size shoe."

I love the sermons, but is it enough? The kids LOVE their church classes and I will feel terrible pulling them out. Do I swallow my doubts about their requirements and just go forth and be a member? Is this where God wants me? I wish I knew the answers because it's hard to decipher between what God is telling my heart and what my mind is telling me.

Hello and Goodbye

So I thought that I wanted another dog.
I told the hubs that another puppy is something that
I needed to fill this empty space I
have in my heart. I said I would get another
Jack Russell like our Bella and we would get one this summer.
So the kids and I would be home to spend time
with it.
But after he said yes I got all excited and started
searching the internet for one.
I found an ad and lucky me they had one left.
I drove 45 minutes to see this puppy, telling Little E
I had a surprise.
He wasn't as excited as I was.
Once I saw how
cute she was I knew she was coming home with us.

But only four days into puppyhood
I knew that having a puppy around
wasn't going to work for us.
Trying to make it home in 3 hours to take her to go
potty wasn't possible, the potty training was leaving
me frustrated and not to mention having her admist the flea problem
we were having. It was stressful.
I tried to suck it up but Bella and Hannah we not getting
along like I had hoped. Bella is used to being the only
dog after the loss of Ryelee back in December.
So Friday afternoon I made the choice to find her a new home.
It was quicker than I thought and worked out perfectly.
She went to her new and permanent home this morning.
After the kids woke up this morning, I explained to them where
she went. They took it better than I had feared it would go.
The family she went to was so excited.
I look at it like I was a go between for this dog.
No more animal adventures for me, our house is
full enough.
Happy Trails Hannah.