Wednesday, April 20, 2011

PYHO: Where the Heart is

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

I'm at a crossroads in my spiritual life. As far as I can remember into my childhood, I know that my parents tried to instill religion into my life. They took us to church, Bible camps and Sunday School until I was about ten years old. Then, the hectic lifestyle of them working outside the home six days a week took a toll on us going to Sunday services. It ceased to exist.

I found the love for God again after getting married. I was Baptized the Easter Sunday in 2003 and reconfirmed my faith with Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit working in me, I have faithfully tried to get my husband to be more committed to God, Christianity and the Bible.

After, nearly losing my marriage my husband and I started fresh in a new church home. The church we were attending was leaving me frustrated. The time and commitment I was putting into it was taking it's toll on my marriage. One of the most sacred things to God, the union of a man and woman.

It is our job to glorify his name, the union of two souls working together to do so.

We left the small church.

My husband and I started attending services at a very large church. The pastor's word spoke to our hearts. His interpretation of the Bible compared to today's lifestyles captured us. I wanted more, I wanted to join groups in this church. We decided to attend a new member class for those who wish to become a member.

The smoke and mirrors were gone. It felt like we were being tested, looked at under a microscope and now I question, is this the place for us? There are bi laws of being a member that I question and can't seem to get past.

My sister in law gave me a good metaphor for how I feel. "The small church you used to go to was like a shoe too small to fit. You chose a larger "shoe", but it's too big. Quit stuffing it with newspaper to make it work. You have to find the right size shoe."

I love the sermons, but is it enough? The kids LOVE their church classes and I will feel terrible pulling them out. Do I swallow my doubts about their requirements and just go forth and be a member? Is this where God wants me? I wish I knew the answers because it's hard to decipher between what God is telling my heart and what my mind is telling me.


We 2 Bees said...

Church life is hard. Can I ask a question, why do you have to become a member? Can't you be involved without joining? I love the metaphore, maybe you haven't found the right fit yet. But I don't think you will ever find the perfect fit, I still struggle with the church politics and I don't believe 100% with everything in my church bylaws. But I believe in the foundation and that is Jesus Christ! You'll figure it out, don't put too much pressure on yourself to figure it all out.

Tara R. said...

I have struggled with my faith for a very long time and haven't attended church in years. I just never felt
'at home' anywhere. It was like I was forever auditioning for the Cool Kids Club and not quite measuring up. There were always some sort of Hoop I had to jump through. It shouldn't be like that. It should be like coming home and being embraced by a loving family. I'm beginning to think I may never find that with organized religion.

Hutch said...

I've yet to find a Church I like and it's been years since I've stepped inside one other than for weddings. During that time many things have happened which only solidified my faith and I have to believe The Church isn't for everyone. It sounds very important to you though and I hope you're able find a way to make it work for you and your family!

Shell said...

Can I ask what it is that is bothering you about the requirements?

And like We 2 Bees said, you don't have to become a member.

Heather said...

Ahhhhh. I often wish for that "billboard from God" letting me know what I should do.
The comparison to the shoe was perfect. Maybe it is exactly that.

Unknown said...

Sweetie I am currently housing a PASTOR's wife. Why?? Well because he has been so emotionally abusive to her and their children, even now that she is out. he has gone through 3 other wives and literally drove them insane with his control and constant mistreatment of them. People have left his church telling him he wants a cult that bows to HIS feet instead of at the altar.. so trust when I know what you mean. Look online for reviews oflocal churches. Many have websites now with information about them, their beliefs and such. I am not sure I would want to go anywhere that has bylaws.

Lisa @ Two Bears Farm said...

I hope you find the right fit. We never have, and we've lived here for 12 years now. I still have hopes that someday we'll stumble upon the right place. It can happen, right?!

Casey said...

I say if you question whether this is the church for you then maybe you havent found the right one. We just left a somewhat small church that used to be great but now seems all they care about it getting more members and I felt I wasnt growing in my spiritual life. We moved to a smaller church that meets in a school still and I love it. Every sermon is like it is meant just for me. I would keep praying about it and maybe visit other churches.