Thursday, June 30, 2011

The Last Time.....

My friend Elizabeth over at Confessions from a Mom came up with this little game. She recently gave birth to her second child, a little boy and all us mamas know how tough it is to take a shower even with one little one around. So in her words. "So I came up with this fun little game this morning, when I was trying to figure out the last time I had showered. I hope you play along".

The Last Time You...

...took a shower: this morning

...shaved your legs: this morning. It's hot here in Florida so I wear either capris or shorts everyday until the end of September. your hair cut, colored or professionally styled: last month about 3 weeks ago. I keep a regular schedule on haircuts.

...wore mascara: put some on this morning. Have you seen me without mascara??!?? I don't think my eyelashes exist unless I have given them a good coating. a non-children's book: last night. I'm reading The Other Daughter by Lisa Gardner on my Kindle. It's funny how I can read a book faster on that.

...cleaned your kitchen: cleaned? everyday I do the dishes. Deep cleaned? uhhh. It's been a few months.

...changed the sheets on your bed: I use the same set all the time, I wash them every two weeks. They were washed on Monday.

...kissed your children: my daughter- this morning. my son-last night.

...took a vacation: December 2010, Colorado. Ahh.

...took a vacation... without the kids: uhhh. haven't the slightest idea.

...went to the gym: I quit the gym.

...talked to your mother (in person or on the phone): today. I work for my parents, two days a week.

...told your spouse you loved him/her: this morning.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Lost and Found

I hate losing things. I think most people do but it sends me into a tail spin. It doesn't matter if it's an item of mine or the kids. As soon as it's realized that the item is missing, the questions begin. When was it seen last? Where did I have it? Where was I if we were out of the house?
I mentally ask myself these questions if it's my item. If it's the kids, it might take longer to get answers and usually more questions ensue.
This time, it's me who lost an item. I lost my earring. A gold earring. This wouldn't be the first time I lost one. It's more frustrating this time because I don't have a back up pair that I like. And I lost one of these before and was lucky enough to have found it.
Not this time.
When I realized it last night, I went on a man hunt. Or woman hunt. I started looking under my recliner. Which I made a mental note, clean under that thing. I checked all the obvious places. I even looked in my jewelry dish, maybe I started the day with only one. I wasn't leaving out any possibilities.
I didn't find it. The worst part of hunting around the house to find something that is missing. I find dirty spots in my house that I hadn't noticed before. So it escalates my OCD. Compound that with a missing item plus the scouring the house for it.
I finally gave up. I'm not sure if it was finding more things I needed to clean or knowing that this was an effort in futility.
I'll be on the lookout for it now when I'm cleaning.


I have this feeling in my chest that is hard to describe. Sadness? Disappointment? Jealousy? Anger?
It might be all of those emotions rolled up in one.
It hurts when some one intentionally does something to you that isn't very nice. But when they unintentionally do something to you without thinking about how it may affect you or those around you. It bothers me.
Maybe because I do try to think of others before I do things. I might not have in the past but I've learned that your actions will affect others.
The hardest part about it. It affects my kids.
If it were just me, then I'd be able to brush it off. Get past it and move on. Maybe I'd hold a grudge for a bit but I'd get over it. But....not when my babies are involved.
I'm a mom. and sometimes a bit overprotective. But while they're little, impressionable and don't know how to handle their feelings like I do, I get upset.
I haven't decided where to go from here. It's only day one and the affects are still raw.
I haven't spoken to the person who did the unintentional act that has bothered me. I don't know what to say. The options in my head are to either take a step back and distance myself or say something and put the wedge there.
Time will tell.

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

RemembeRED: The Beach

It was my sophomore year of high school. I was back on track, focusing on my school work after falling apart my freshman year. Science was one of my favorite subjects and I was currently taking Zoology.
Half way through the year our teacher announced that we would be going on a field trip to St. Augustine Beach. Our class and several of the other science classes would be going together. We would be exploring marine life and the eco system. I was pretty excited about this because one of my best friends, who was in another class, would be going too.
I'm not sure what it is about bus rides for me, but I always seem to find some boy to adore. I saw him in the back of the bus. Attractive. A "baby face". Eyes that captured your heart. I wanted to meet him.
The buses pulled up along side the beach side parking. We unloaded and I didn't rush off the bus. I wanted to make sure he noticed me too. Without making it too obvious I exited my seat just a few people ahead of him.
The teachers were organizing us into small groups of ten students. I got lucky and was in a group with him. I was still nervous. He wasn't paying that much attention to me, he was listening to the teacher give us instructions. Something I should have been doing. I don't even know to this day what we were instructed to do.
The beach was empty except for our groups. We headed to the large rocks that were onshore. Climbing up them was not an easy task. Opportunity number one. I asked him if he could give me a hand up. Without much thought, he gave me his hand. Butterflies in my stomach. My heart was racing.
The rest of our trip continued that way. I took advantage of any opportunity to talk to him or ask him for help. He was enjoying the attention. The attraction between us was growing. As much as he tried to concentrate on the sea life growing on the sides of the rocks, he couldn't keep his attention off me long.
Opportunity number two. When it was time to load up to leave I changed seats and sat next to him. I wanted to get to know who this guy was who had captured my heart. His name was Shane.
Ah, Shane.

This weeks prompt for the Red Dress Club was to write about School trips. We all go on them. What trip do you remember the most? Where did you go? Who was with you? How did you get there? Have you ever been back?

Write a memoir post about a memorable school trip.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Where theres water....

What happens when you mix water, two kids and a silly water hose?
Some summertime afternoon fun

Little E squirting his sister

How about a little drink?

Sunday, June 26, 2011


I waited until Saturday to go grocery shopping for the week. I needed to go on Friday since we were out of some important items, but heading out with both children in tow was not worth it. I knew that the kids wouldn't mind staying home with daddy on Saturday afternoon. I readied my lists and decided to venture to the warehouse store as well as my regular grocery stores. Before leaving the kids wanted to play some ringtones on my phone. I told them to bring it right back so I could have it with me.
That was a mistake.

Pulling out of the driveway and waving goodbye to hubs, "I'll call you when I head back over the bridge". (the bridge that separates one county from another) Little did I know, I wouldn't be making that call.

I decided t swing into McDonald's for a sweet tea and realized I was without my cell phone. I debated driving back home. It would have wasted 20-25 minutes of my time.

Nah. I'd survive without it. Could I?

I got off the interstate to head to the warehouse store and decided to hit Toys R Us. Little E's birthday is next month and when was I getting another chance without kids to shop?
I wanted to let hubs know. Oh darn! No phone. Oh well. He probably would have been whining that I was taking too long adding another store.

I finished my shopping trips in four hours. Four hours without connection to my family. No kids. No crying. Silence.

It was nice. I survived. Even though I did miss having it available if I needed it. Thankfully I didn't break down on the road. That would have been scary.

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

PYHO:Spades are always spades

I was going to write about my dysfunctional in laws again for this Pour Your Heart Out and I had already started the post in my thoughts. Then something happened Monday evening that really deserves the attention. I have to get this off my chest. I wanted to spill it out on the social media forum where it escalated but I'm going to be a better person. I try to avoid drama and people who say they hate drama, actually enjoy creating it. Case in point, a so called friend, or as the new term I hear a lot lately, frenemy.

I blame myself for not being a better judge of character. Maybe reconnecting years after being friends in high school was a mistake.

There have been several things that have raised a red flag with me. I've only recently started putting the pieces to the puzzle together. I usually over analyze situations or conversations and it gets me into trouble. Not this time. Without actually pointing the finger at me, I know it's me.

She and I started playing an online game against each other through our phones. Hanging with Friends. If you have an iPhone you may know it. It's pretty much like hangman that you used to play as a kid. She beat me the first game. The second game however. I was beating her. And as far as I believe she couldn't believe that I was winning on my own so she throws a word that in no way she figured on her own.

The word in question. Zariba. What in the hell kind of word is that? Especially with previous words like ejector, pursed, bites, folk, quits, we have a pattern? I'm certain she has an average vocabulary.

So after I figured her word out with some help the game went downhill from there. The next two words that she had to solve that I gave her, she didn't try. She guessed crap letters to lose the game. I wondered what in the hell was going on. Later that evening while browsing Facebook I saw a comment she made to another friend of ours, whom I am also playing the same game with. It went on to say that she was quitting all her games because of cheaters. Sore loser if you ask me.

I will defend my reason for using a cheat to figure out her word. She cheated first and used a word that she has no way of knowing the meaning of without the use of a dictionary. I could bet that she didn't like losing fair and square so she threw a word like that at me. I fell for that trap and cheated. Only that once did I use another phone app to figure out the word. It's just a game.

The point is not that I cheated, the point is that she couldn't say something to my face about it. She had to run her mouth on a social network where I would read it. She could have texted that friend the same exact comment. But she LOVES attention. She wanted others to read it and put their two cents in. Of course leaving out the part that she did. People need to grow up, stop acting like we're still in high school.

I really wanted to run my mouth on the thread. I wanted to call a spade a spade. But it's not worth it. It won't do any good.

I know where I stand.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

RemembeRED:I crawled

We partied the night away, my best friend Keri and I. Dancing. Drinking. Moving our barely clothed bodies on the dance floor among the other hundreds of other party goers. It was a regular Saturday night ritual after working a long day.
Ladies night. Free well drinks. We mixed our free drinks with shots of vodka. Vodka and lemon juice. Those lemon drops always went down so easy. Followed by sucking the sugar coated lemon wedge. Before you realize it, you're pretty well tipsy. Well past tipsy.
I get caught up in the moment. The laughter and fun. My mind losing rationality and forgetting how many drinks I have consumed.
The evening is winding down. Time to leave the club while we still have enough sense to remember where we parked the car.

The cool night air hits me and it refreshes the senses. We giggle and laugh as we walk to the parking lot. I'm giggling like a kid again. Forgetting about the long week for awhile.
I don't remember the ride home, thankfully I'm the passenger and Keri is driving us home. I enter my parents quiet house. They are asleep. It is two in the morning.

I undress and drop my clothes on the floor, slipping a t-shirt over my head. I crawl into the cool sheets of my water bed. My room is almost quiet except for the sound of my overhead fan whirring. I would have been okay laying there letting my head spin while I closed my eyes. But I moved and rolled over to clear my head. Uh oh.

I rush to the bathroom and wrap my arms around the cool, porcelain rim and the contents of my evenings drinks spill into the toilet water. That sucked. If I had only not moved, I would have been in control of the spinning in my head. I crawled back to my bed.

The first time I crawled after drinking.

*The prompt for this week's remembeRED post....It's a fill-in-the-blank-for-your-own-prompt Prompt: The first time I ________-ed after _________-ing. This is a true story of a time I went out drinking with a best friend of mine after I turned 21. It seems so long ago that this was a regular time of my life.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Rocking the Bump

A mother's love is like no other
Unconditionally loving the new life inside of you
Rubbing my belly and your response to me with a soft kick
Feeling you move for the first time brings tears of joy to my eyes
Hearing your heartbeat and it is forever captured into my heart
When we meet face to face for the first time
it is as I have known you the whole time
We have a connection
a bond
We are mother and child
And nothing can ever take that away.

Monday Minute:06/20

It's been a long eventful weekend and I'm glad to be sitting in my favorite recliner in the living room on my computer. It's funny how I remember the last time I went to Sea World with the kids, the traffic was so bad when we were leaving, I wrote my answers for a MM while in the car on my phone. This time we left early.

Monday Minute

1 - In terms of having sex, etc, what's your 'safe word'? I don't have a "safe" word.The hubs and I don't communicate in words when in the midst of friends or the kids, when we're thinking of leaving the the room. We have a "look". The eyebrow and a cock of the head, while making eye contact.

2 - What are you wearing? After a long day for Father's Day with the kids and hubs at Sea World. I am now comfortably sitting in my cotton running shorts and a t-shirt. Comfy clothes.

3 - How are you feeling? Exhausted. 90+ degree heat, crowds of people squished together to watch Shamu soak us and long lines waiting to ride Journey to Atlantis. (55 minute wait to ride for 3-4 minutes.)

4 - How many and which languages can you speak fluently? just one. English. I took French in high school and that has not been retained.

and finally...

5 - Name at least one thing that you did as an adolescent that if you caught your child (or future child) doing, you'd get pretty mad. Sneak out my window and to go see a boy. Ugh. I did it once at my house and got caught the first time. The repercussions from that were awful and that boy was not worth it.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Week Recap before Dad's Day

This week has been quite a whirlwind for me. Of course it happens after I decided that I was going to be better about writing more frequently again and regular posting. I guess it happens to the best of us.

My old church was holding their annual Vacation Bible School and since Miss K enjoys and needs camps to do this summer, I agreed that she could go. It was held from 6:20pm -8:45 every night and I didn't plan on Little E being able to go. Much to my surprise, they were offering a preschool class for siblings of the school age kids that were attending. I didn't find this out until Wednesday since my mother picked up Miss K for Monday ( I was out of commission with a stomach flu) and Tuesday we had other plans.
The kids wanted to spend the night at Grandma's house on Thursday night after VBS so after dropping them off at the church, the hubs and I had the evening to ourselves. An unplanned night....alone....kidless!

After what seemed like forever for me to decide where to dine without the kids.We went to dinner at our local and favorite steak house. I wanted to go somewhere that the kids don't like to eat at, like the Chinese Buffet. I know, I'm crazy. But I love this buffet. They offer a Hibachi grill and some decent sushi. I'm picky about chinese food which makes it hard for me to order takeout. But the choice for steak worked out nicely. I was able to eat my steak while it was still warm and not deal with bathroom breaks and picky eating kids.

After dinner the hubs and I went to WalMart. Yeah, I know...another great place for a kidless night. I needed to pick up a birthday gift for a party we're going to on Saturday afternoon and it's so much easier to shop in the toy department without my two. It felt like old times, meandering through the store...the quiet.. the alone time. Of course, I took my big kid, the third child in the family..yes, hubs, to the electronics department. He convinced me to buy a movie.

So the evening ended with us watching Battle:Los Angeles on the home theater, shaking the house down. It was really nice.

Today, started my weekend for Father's Day. My dad wanted to have his truck washed for his gift. I agreed to take care of it for him and take his truck where I get my van washed. I've been taking my van there for quite some time and never had a problem. Of course something had to happen to my dad's truck. Going through the machine, his mirrors stick out farther and the passenger one was pushed in by the machine. I didn't notice it until I pulled out to leave, the glass in the mirror was shattered. Just great. Thankfully, after speaking with the manager, he assured me that he would replace the mirror at the company's expense. Whew!

This weekend is going to be really fun. We're going to a birthday party for a friend's son, a Father's Day dinner with in laws on Saturday early evening and Sunday we're going to Sea World with hub's brother and family. The kids can hardly wait!

How are you celebrating the Father's in your life? Hope you have a great weekend!

Wednesday, June 15, 2011


This weekend started out as one of the best of this summer. We took the kids to the beach, we spent most of the day there. We had to leave earlier than planned because the ocean high tide came in earlier than expected, and farther into the shore. That should have been a sign.

Monday was going to be a busy day of washing laundry from the weekend, including wet bathing suits and damp towels and doing some house work. Best laid plans. Monday morning welcomed a stomach bug for me. For twelve hours I spent my time on my bed or in the bathroom. I will leave those details to the imagination. My husband, my knight in shining armor, came home from work to tend to the kids and do laundry for me.

I could not physically stand in the kitchen long enough to make breakfast for my kids. It really sucked for me.

What bothers me the most.? I can never get ahead. Just when things are going well, I get a curve ball and knocked out.

I'm behind on my housework again, but it's my day off from work. I didn't want to spend today doing ALL that house work plus more and ignore the kids. If I never get my regular work done, how will I ever get the computer/craft room reorganized? How will I find the time to paint the living room? I can hardly find the time to blog, let alone get anything extra done? I feel like I'm running in circles!

Either I choose to neglect the current housework and tackle an organizing task that could consume hours or shove the organizing aside like I've been doing for months... I thought I might do it this summer.

Friday, June 10, 2011


Is it Friday? Ah yes. I look forward to Friday's every week because it starts a four weekend for me every week! And now that the dance recital is over (pictures to come soon) there are no more dance classes on Friday nights. Yippeeee!! I get my Friday nights off again, at least until school starts again. Shhhh. I know, we have 10 more weeks left of summer and I plan to enjoy every bit of the sun, sand, surf and whatever other excursion we plan.

Now for some 5QF.

1. How close to your childhood dreams is your life now?

Funny you would ask, since I wrote this really off the wall post about what my life would be without kids. If I followed that childhood dream my life would be extremely different. My choices have not paralleled those dreams at all. So my life is not what I thought about as kid, not really.

2. What is one must have item for the summer?

FLIP FLOPS. I love my flip flops. I can slip into them and just go. Whether I need to run a quick errand, go to the pool, hit the beach or take a walk down the road chasing the kids in the Power Wheels Escalade, they're convenient. If you're looking to do a flip flop swap, my fellow blogger is having one.

3. Do you have your kids stay up on school stuff during summer vacation? (Or, if you don't have kiddos, did your parents make you keep up on school stuff during summer?)

Only Miss K is in school, Little E will be starting Pre K this fall. I never kept up too much on it besides having her continue to read and write stories during the summer. But last year she struggled with some Reading Comprehension testing in second grade so I purchased some books to help her out. Her teachers sent home books and workbooks that were not used during the school year so we're going to start doing a few pages each day. Third grade in Florida is a big year with FCAT testing. If your child doesn't score high enough, they will fail. I think that 12 weeks is too long during the summer (even though I am excited about all the fun time) for a kid to go without school. Little is pretty prepared, almost over prepared for Pre K and we'll be working on learning how to read this summer.

4. Do you can or freeze fresh produce?

Nope. I used to prepare baby food for Little E and freeze it when he was a baby, but other than that no. I probably should start thinking about it. We're growing fresh vegetables in our garden but have not attempted fruits. I want to start checking out my local farmers market to get some pesticide, GM free produce. If I got an overabundance I might just need to learn how to freeze or can it.

5. Do you get ready for the day first thing in the morning?

Only three out of the seven days a week I have to. Only in the summer anyways. I have been a homebody these first two weeks of summer vacation and sat around in my house shorts and t-shirt until 1:30 yesterday. It was movie day at home for the kids and I. It was so much cheaper to rent $1.00 movies from the Blockbuster Express box, pickup a $1.80 bag of Whoppers candy and pop our own popcorn. Boy that was fun. But seriously it depends on the day. Soon, when Miss K starts her day camps I'll be getting up early again, showering and leaving the house by 8:30am to get her to art camp. Cheers to summer!

Thursday, June 9, 2011

Chicken Fettucine Alfredo with Petite Shrimp

I finally remembered to take photos during the preparation of my
meal. I've made this dish several times, without the shrimp, and have
wanted to share it.

Chicken Fettuccine Alfredo
with Petite Shrimp



1 lb boneless skinless chicken breast, cubed
1 16 oz package frozen petite shrimp
1 box fettuccine noodles ( half of of box is used)
1 jar garlic alfredo- I prefer Bertolli
Shaved Parmesan cheese
1 garlic clove ( I have minced garlic on hand to make this easier)
Olive oil for braising
Powdered Garlic
Black Pepper

Remove shrimp from packaging into colander. Rinse with cold water for two minutes to remove ice. Drain. Leave shrimp in colander and place on plate lined with a paper towel. Place in fridge while cooking all other ingredients. Cube your chicken breasts to about 1 inch cubes and remove any unwanted fat trimmings. Sprinkle about 1-2 tbsps of olive oil in your pan. If you have fresh garlic, then you will need to prepare the clove to cook with the chicken. Start boiling your water for your noodles before coking your chicken. Heat large skillet to medium high heat and when preheated, cook chicken and garlic in pan just until chicken turns white.Remove from heat. Once you have cooked your noodles to desired tenderness, drain. Add alfredo sauce to your chicken, return to heat. I start on low and gradually add my noodles, stirring frequently then add the shrimp last. Since the shrimp has been previously cooked, I do not want to overdo them. I sprinkle the pepper, shaved parmesan cheese and more garlic (we LOVE garlic) while tasting it. I let sit on medium low to low for about 20 minutes. Cook your side dish and/or bread. I served steamed broccoli and french bread this time.

Let me know what you think and if you made any changes.

Life Without Kids:WW

The phone rings, it's early in the morning, the sun hasn't even crested to show it's brilliance in the sky.
It's 5 am.
I find my cell phone laying on my nightstand in my room. I really don't know if I want to answer it because I know it will mean leaving the comfort of my king sized bed. 1000 thread count sheets. Down sateen comforter. My memory foam pillow that won't be holding the hollowed out spot where my head was once laying.
It continues to ring.
I answer the phone, the sleep still in my voice "hello?" It's an emergency call from my answering service about a prized show German Shepherd that is in labor. The caller needs me to meet them at my office.
I know that my expert reputation is on the line if I don't head in to the office. As if I wouldn't go in anyways, there's nothing holding me back. My job is my love, it is my life.
Being a veterinarian was my life dream. After finishing college in Orlando, I interned at a local veterinarian's office and got my feet wet. The clients were a mix of wealthy pet owners who would pay any price to protect and save their beloved pets and low income pet owners who chose the later.
I finished my internship and moved from my hometown to the rural outskirts of Orange County to pursue my career in the largely populated suburbs. I partnered with an established vet's office and built up my clients. I knew the animals by face and name better than the owners. I'd always had a connection with animals better than people.
I married the man I partnered with at the vets office. We didn't have children. Our children were our rescued strays from the office.
We loved animals.
Life was good. If I had children I wouldn't be able to wake in the middle of the night and leave on a whim without worrying about who would be there for them. Children weren't in the cards for us anytime soon. If at all.

Describe what you think your life would be like if you had never had kids.

I thought it would be fun to think about what my life would look like if I had not
chosen love when I met my husband as a senior in high school. I had decided that
I would not get serious with anyone so I could go to college and pursue my
life long dream to be a veterinarian.
Life threw my a choice and I chose love. I would never go back
and redo it because I LOVE my children with my heart and soul.
I would miss the early morning wake ups with some one standing at
my bedside at 5:30 in the morning. The messy chocolate faces
after digging through the pantry to sneak chocolate chip cookies.
I would miss the noise in the back seat of the van, the laughter
while watching DVD's with their headphones on.
The moment each of my children were born is forever born into my brain.
The moment their eyes locked with mine, our souls were intertwined.

Thursday, June 2, 2011

5QF: Floating on a Raft

1. If you had to choose, how would you prefer to choose to spend money...on landscaping or a pool? If I had to choose between just these two, I would go for the pool. Since I live in Florida and grew up having a pool, swimming the entire summer and every weekend we could, I want my kids to have that same opportunity. Nice landscaping would really go nice with a new pool but maybe next time...

2. (Scott likes to get things stirred up...) Death penalty, yay or nay? ohhh, going all controversial are we?? I say yay. If the punishment fits the crime, then it's that persons time. If the criminal kills some one(intentionally) then they should be punished for what they did.

3. What's the worst thing your kid has gotten into when you turned your back/blogged/showered/blinked?
I can't think of anything over the top that my kids have gotten into when I was busy. I don't have any of those funny stories with kids pulling out a box of tampons and opening them up in my bathroom or dumping powder and lotion all over. The one thing that I can think of is that Little E had an obsession with liquid soap. I would give him a bath and let him play for a little bit, leaving him in the tub. (yes, I can see the children's bathroom from my recliner in the living room) At least a handful of times I have gone back in the bathroom, he would have extra bubbles in the tub and we'd have an empty bottle body wash. Once, it was a brand new bottle.

4. How often do you REALLY go to the dentist?
I had not been in YEARS! until last year. Now I regularly get my cleanings. dental work isn't cheap and it's nice that I have dental insurance. Hence the reason the whole family goes now.

5. What is your favorite animal (doesn't have to be a pet-type animal)?
hmmmm. That is a tough question when you can choose any animal. I still LOVE dogs the most. If I could have any dog I would have a great dane. I don't have a house big enough for one but if I did....I just love how goofy and clumsy they are. A sweet dog in a big package.

Unfairly Treated

On Monday Memorial Day, we took the kids to New Smyrna Beach. We use the same beach access ramp everytime and park in the same area, because the bathrooms and lifeguard are right nearby. As we were pulling into the spot to park my husband looked to his right and said "that looks like a sea turtle over there" pointing to a mound that looked like rock. It was a sea turtle. Sadly, this turtle was not alive and was not making her way back to sea.

It's egg laying season and it's pretty exciting to see those awesome creatures when they come in from the ocean to lay their eggs on the beach.

We stepped out of the car and the smell hit us. Apparently the turtle had been there quite some time. It was already 9:30am and I wondered why they had not removed the turtle once the beach opened at sunrise. I have seen more crews from Sea World rushing for a dead beached whale or dolphin but this protected animal was left there to rot. It upset me that it was just left there.

A few hours later, after several Beach Patrol crews drove past the site, a pickup truck marked with the words 'work site crew' pulled up. I watched them pull out a large plastic garbage can from the bed of their truck which was full of old rafts, tattered beach chairs and other hodge podge of items that were left on the beach. I looked at the turtle for the last time and it was obvious that this turtle did not die of natural causes, it had been killed by some one. A large gash into it's head and shell were visible.

So sad.. As far as I knew, it was illegal to molest or harm those animals. The counties give residents such a hard time about keeping lights off during nesting season and bordering off areas with nests. I cannot believe that no one was concerned that this animal was killed! Now the poor creature is being loaded into a trash can like garbage and going to the local landfill?!

I have never seen a loggerhead turtle in the wild and my first time, the poor thing is treated like yesterdays garbage.

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

PYHO:Fat Girl

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

We are our own worst critics. Some harder than others on themselves. I fall in the middle to high range and you'd never know it.

I hate my body. I have hated my body since seventh grade. I was born a robust baby at 11lbs 3 oz. I was an average to slender child until I reached the age 10 or 11. Then my body got large. I became that chubby girl. I blame it partly on being a lonely child. I would come home after school and munch on snacks. My mom had gone back to work when I was nine years old and she wasn't home in the afternoons. My brothers and I weren't allowed to leave the house or have friends over, so it was very lonely.I found comfort in food.

As the years progressed I ate more and my body size grew. I hated having those BMI tests taken in middle school, when that nutritionist came to the school and measured your fat on your back. All the other girls would discuss their numbers and I always lied. I was not about to tell them how fat I was. Dressing in the locker room for physical education was torment enough. I usually got to the locker room first to make sure I was alone while changing.

I hate looking back at photos of myself.

I used to be able to lose weight by cutting out soda, not eating pasta or bread and skipping breakfast. I could drop 5 pounds in one week. I lost quite a bit of weight before getting married but I look back at those photos from my wedding and yikes. I was still very heavy.

I got pregnant with Miss K. I wanted so badly to be pregnant, but I did not have the body to have that cute round pregnant belly. I felt fat. After having K I went on a strict diet, exercised and lost all the baby weight plus more. I was feeling good. Then slowly I started gaining the weight back. I lost weight again and got pregnant with Little E.

After having Little E I really put the pressure on myself. I was tired of being heavy. I tried to get strict with myself and completely cut out soda, snacks and cut down carbs. I joined a gym and was religiously working out at the gym. That lasted a year. I was feeling happy with myself but still didn't have that beach body I have always dreamed of.

Slowly the weight has creeped back up on me and I'm heavy again. I'm depressed about it. There are so many factors that account for my downfalls with weight.

I start feeling fat and my clothes are snug so I get determined about losing weight. I follow a good meal plan for about two weeks and when the results are not as fast as I'd like I get discouraged.
I LOVE to eat. That's a big downfall. I think, oh one more helping won't hurt me. Or, that bagel with egg and cheese will be okay, I'll eat less at lunch. Uh huh.
I need willpower. I need the willpower to hang on and be patient. The weight will come off. It gets harder the older you get to lose weight.

Knowing all these things, it still doesn't calm my mind about hating my fat body. I am constantly looking at my body in the mirror with or without clothes on. I try to dress to hide myself. It sucks. I wish I could get lipo suction, a tummy tuck and I'd feel so much better. One of my best friends just had the same thing that I've wanted done. She is three weeks into her recovery and wow, she looks great. Another reason I'm feeling more sad about my weight.

I'll never get there with just exercise and good nutrition.