Day 3: It just gets better

Day 3 while my husband is in Haiti

I'm really not used to regular routine when my husband is away. Without a reason to roll over and smack some one lying next to you to "get up, you're alarm is going off", I have no desire to get up when my own alarm is blaring. Thankfully it was Monday and I was not required to be showered, dressed and ready to go when the kids were. No work for me.

I spent most of my morning glued to my cell phone while my sister in law talked for 2.5 hours. I was so tired from not getting enough sleep, I actually fell asleep on her. Seriously. That was pretty embarrassing. I kept thinking about a nap, how much a nap would be so nice. Just 30 minutes before leaving the house again to pick up Little E from preschool. It never happened.

Just the five minutes I zoned out.

While I was busy keeping myself awake, my husband was busy teaching the children in the small town in Haiti about stories in the Bible.

The rest of the day went as usual. Pickup Little E from school, come home eat lunch. Nothing spectacular about that. Then go back and get Miss K from school and come home for an hour before heading out the door again for dance classes. Ah, Mondays. You are quite busy even when I'm home doing chores.

I can't believe that I'm saying this, but on a weekday, I can't function most of the day when my husband is out of town. But the evenings are harder. Tag teaming takes on a new meaning when there is only one parent in the house. The kids tag team me! 

Not to mention that Little E decided to throw a wrench in the evening by taking a 2 hour nap between the hours of 6-8 and I could not wake him up. I tried everything, except dumping cold water on him. So of course after his siesta he wakes up at 8:15pm and wants to stay awake. Which was not in my plan at all. Needless to say, I went to bed at 11pm and left him awake in Miss K's bed. And that was all she wrote.

Day 2: You Comfort Me

Day 2 While my husband is in Haiti

My children and I missed Sunday church services. Something I'm not proud of, but given the circumstances we all needed some rest. We slept in until 8am which didn't leave us much time to get ready for 9am church. I really needed to mentally prepare myself for what we had on the agenda for the day. I was meeting my parents at the Funeral Home to make arrangements for my Grandmother. Followed by going to the nursing home to retrieve her belongings. I really was hoping to avoid that place. I am very bitter towards them. An emotion that I should be able to push aside but haven't found the strength to do so. Or maybe I don't want to right now.

Setting up the funeral arrangements went smoothly. I think it helped that the staff knew us already, not that they were hoping to meet us just yet. We were supposed to be coming in a few weeks to make pre arrangements. The nursing home trip was exactly as I had feared. The staff had already boxed up my grandma's belongings and stored them away. The bed was neatly made and all ready for another person. It made me more mad at them. My mother was furious to say the least.

I couldn't wait to get out of there. I have bad memories as a child in nursing homes visiting great grandparents. I tried to push past those feelings when we placed my grandma in one. I wanted her to be happy. Sadly, I have new sad memories now. I hope that I never have to do this again.

My parents had invited the kids and I to join them for dinner at their house. So after the drama of the morning, I was looking forward to some relaxing conversation. The kids were looking forward to riding their bikes on "regular" road, not the dirt roads like at home. The weather had cleared up and was beautiful. It was brightening my mood.

The best part. My husband called me!! Thank you Skype!! I never knew they had an option that allowed you to load the program and make a phone call. It was so good to hear his voice. The first time he tried to Facetime call me but I was not near WIFI and it wouldn't connect. So he figured out another way.

You have no idea how much hearing some one's voice can calm your heart. Even if he is miles and miles away, he finds a way to comfort me. Even with his voice. I thought that I wouldn't be able to survive these days without him. I was wrong.

I'm hoping the rest of the week flies by and Friday comes quick. At least regular routine resumes on Monday.

Day 1: I'm Lost Without You

Day 1 while my husband is away in Haiti. 

Sadly on Friday evening, the last night we had together before he needed to meet the mission team at the church, I got a phone that I never expected. My grandmother had died. I was in complete and utter shock after my Aunt had just passed the day after Easter. It has only been a week since we buried her. A turn of events happened and my mother called me back and said that grandma was alive. The staff at the nursing home called 911 and performed CPR and they had a pulse. She was en route to the ER. This all felt too surreal. Had we not just done this?? Why now when my husband is leaving for a week? 

So Friday evening when we would have been spending our last hours together, we spent it in the hospital watching my grandmother slip from us. She wasn't really there anymore. As much as I know about the body and spirit, I believe she wasn't there. Her body was still working for the moment, but her mind was gone. She was ready to join our Father in heaven. She was ready to join her daughter and husband among her other family members who had long since passed.

By the time my husband and I got home there was only and hour left to rest before he would need to shower and prepare to leave. Talk about a cat nap that was hard to come by while my thoughts were on my grandmother.

My husband and I exchanged kisses and I love you's at 3am and we parted ways. I really felt all alone at that moment I pulled from the church parking lot. I went home and struggled to go to sleep. My mind was elsewhere for many reasons. Losing my grandmother so quickly now after my aunt, missing my husband, worrying over the looming week ahead-alone.

At 3:45 am the phone rang. The house phone. My father called me with the news I was expecting but hoping would not come. Grandma was in heaven now. She was gone. She was the only grandma I knew, since my mother's mom passed away when I was very little. I knew this day would come, but I wasn't ready. Are we ever ready?

I tossed and turned and finally was able to get a little rest. At 6:51am my husband texted me and let me know that he was boarding his first of two flights to Haiti. I never went back to sleep. The kids would be up soon and I was the only one home to take care of them.

Today has been a long day to say the least. Many emotions have gone through me. I will not let myself become depressed. I was close today. I sat in my pj's until 3pm. I forced myself to eat lunch. I am keeping the routines at home for my children's sake. Normalcy. It keeps me going for now. I'm tired and hoping I will get some rest tonight. 

Thankfully my husband texted me tonight and let me know all was well. He is at the hotel in Haiti and he had a long trip there. He hopes to Facetime or Skype me tomorrow. I really hope he does.

Friday Fragments #194

I've been MIA for too long. I have half attempted all week to write a post but just haven't done it. I hate being a slacker.

Today, in less than twenty four hours, I will be sending off my husband with our church team to Haiti. I'm nervous and struggling with many emotions with this. I am asking God for strength, perseverance,  patience and faith to make it through the next six days. I will really begin to appreciate the same things my husband does around here.

It's hard to believe that next month, I will be signing Little E up for Kindergarten for this fall. The thought came to me this morning when I remembered I needed to go to Miss K's school to pick up a variance form that is pre authorized by her school and bring it to the school we are zoned for.

Miss K survived FCAT's this week. The poor little girl was so stressed out by it that she was having a hard time staying focused in class last week and the beginning of this week, once the test was over. She has been extremely emotional and I have been trying my best to handle her with "kid gloves". I will admit, it has been VERY hard to stay composed after the many weeping episodes this week. So glad it's Friday and they are having a fun day today at school.

A woman I go to church with, who is also in my small group after church mailed my family a card following the death of my Aunt. It brought joy and tears to me. I want to share part of the poem on it,

And think of her as living

in the hearts of those she touched

for nothing loved is ever lost-

and she was loved so much.

It's little loving gestures like a simple card that can speak volumes. 

I can't wait to feel "normal" again. Thanks to Little E I have been battling a head cold since Sunday. I am sooo tired of blowing my nose. I have also realized that there is a DEFINITE difference in tissue brand and style. Let me say, not any tissue is good. Maybe for the occasional blowing of the nose, but not repeated blowing of the nose. Neosporin is my nose's new BF. 

 

PYHO: Home in Heaven

Where do I begin? These past eleven days have been a blur. Sunday April 1st was any regular day for my family. We attended church that Sunday followed by our afternoon group gathering for church. It was even a little more fun since we went out to dinner after wards at our local BBQ restuarant. Then it all changed when I got the phone call from my mom.

My aunt, who was recently moved to a rehab facility here where I live from Tampa, was going into the hospital. Several months back she had gone into the hospital for swelling in her legs. It was discovered that she had sorosis of the liver and she was not an alcohol drinker. We believe that some years back another doctor told her that she had this, but due to her limited mental capabilities, she did not realize the severity of her condition.

 The rehab facility called my mother and told her that my aunt was having trouble breathing. And it must have gotten bad enough for them to call an ambulance. En route to the hospital from the facility, which is merely two minutes away, something happened. The hospital staff said, "crashed". She "crashed". Whatever that means for them, it meant she lost consciousness, stopped breathing and was intibated.

The next morning my husband and I went to see her in the ICU. She was not conscious, she was heavily sedated and on a ventilator machine. It was a surreal moment. The tears welled up in my eyes and I went to her bedside. I rubbed her arm and spoke to her, calling her name. I was shocked that she turned her head towards me and fluttered her eyes. My husband said her heart rate jumped up ten numbers and it worried him. He said "I don't think we should be trying to wake her".

He went to the nurses station and asked the nurse that was caring for my aunt, about trying to communicate with her. Apparently they didn't want us to do that. They wanted her heart to stay calm while she was fighting so many infections in her body. She currently had pneumonia, one lung was completely full of fluid and her liver failing had caused the ammonia in her body to rise to dangerous levels. Adding these complications to her already failing body put her in danger.

Sadly, this Monday, April 9th my aunt passed away and joined the Lord. Her heart withstood as much as it could for nine days but couldn't hold on any longer. She is now free from pain. I am happy for her. She is now a smart person in heaven. God has released her from her limited mental capabilities. He has made her well again.

Humanly, I am still sad for her. And tomorrow we will attend the first of two funerals for her. One here,  and one back in Tampa. I have not cried this week for her. Not that my heart doesn't ache to have her fleshly body here on Earth with us, but I know that she is in a better place now. That she doesn't have to depend on breathing machines, western medicines, wheel chairs and many other medical devices to lengthen her life here.

It has been a rough time for me and my family. I'm glad that she we recently celebrated her mother's birthday all together. The whole family. My brothers, their spouses and children and my parents. She was surrounded by us all before the sickness took her home.

You never know when the last day will be with your loved ones. 

Please forgive me if I do not respond to your comments right away this weekend.

PYHO: In God's Hands

You never know what the day is going to bring. What obstacle, miracle, disappointment or surprise. It's all in God's hand and what he has planned for us. 

I thank God for being by my husband's side on Monday evening. 

You never know what lies ahead down the road.

You cannot predict the future.

Despite the fact that you have driven down the same road, five days

a week for seven years.

 Today is day two after his car accident on his way home from work

on Monday evening. Thankfully the people in the car he hit are okay.

Thankfully he is not sitting in a hospital bed, or worse. I'd rather not think

about what could have happened.

He is doing okay for the time being.

I thank God for keeping my husband on this Earth for awhile

longer.

Friday Fragments Episode #165

Here's to another wonderful week in the record books and successfully

making it through it.

  


I was so excited to finally witness an adult Monarch butterfly land on my milkweed plants and lay their eggs. My friend gave me a juvenile plant last year and we planted it and crossed our fingers that we would get butterflies. Our plant matured and released seeds and we grew more milkweed, but no butterflies came. Now multiple plants were blessed with eggs that have now hatched into teeny, tiny caterpillars.

These last few weeks of preschool for Little E have really opened the flood gates on absorbing so much information. He tells me something new everyday. He told me that he wants to do everything in the world when he grows up. Starting with scuba diving, followed by riding a motorcycle and building something. I remember when Miss K was that age and she wanted to be a nurse. He has not narrowed anything as of yet.


Miss K has been dancing again this year, the classes started a week before school started. She was asked to join the studio's competition group this year and she accepted the class that goes along with it. It's been tough for me with driving both kids to separate schools, work and dance classes 25 minutes from home. We were driving three times a week, and the dance instructor/owner finally agreed to let Miss K try a little more advanced tap class. This would put us to 2 days a week at the studio. Miss K nailed it! She did so beautifully, as if I had any doubt.






This weekend, the family an I are heading to the Ocala National Forest to browse and scope out our campsite for our annual family camping trip in November. We usually go camping with my husband's mother and stepdad during their annual hunt for deer, but they are not joining us this year. So we decided to pick a new site. Wish me luck!!






While trying to put Little E in some jeans this week to go to midweek church, I discovered he had outgrown ALL his pants. I figured that they were pretty long from last season and he grew some.... but none fit. You realize how much your child has grown when you buy school clothes or it's winter time.






I joined a n introduction class to Life Groups (small groups) at my church. This upcoming Wednesday class is the last one. After that they will figure out which group to have my family join, based on child ages, days we have during the week to attend and other factors. I'm nervous and excited all at the same time. There are a few groups that are full that I really want to be a part of and I'm not sure how they figure it out, but praying to God that he puts us in the best place.

Let the Blessings Flow

I'm in LOVE with these photos,
with the two little blessings that God has given me
with the amazing job that Jennifer aka MckMama did
on these photos
of my little beauties

I LOVE the sibling love

God has truly blessed me

She captured the silliness my little man exuberates

I can't believe my little girl will be 8 this year
where does the time go...

So thankful for the blessings that the Lord
has poured out for me

Gifted?

I cannot believe that in four days my daughter will be going back to school. She will be entering the second grade. This morning we met the teacher or shall I say teachers. Miss K has been placed in a class with 36 students and two teachers. I am really excited about this environment for her. I have tried so hard all summer to get her tested for the gifted program and successfully got the ball rolling in that direction and we get this blessing. Her teacher has been teaching for many years and is very energetic. I know that Miss K will excel in this class.

I finally got the call I was waiting for from the school guidance counselor yesterday. I still needed to fill out a parent questionnaire about Miss K to see if she qualifies for the test. The counselor went through her grades and interviewed me about my daughter. She needed 3 points to be considered and she did it! That is such good news. The bad news is: if she fails they will NEVER test her again and I will not know the day they pick to test her. We have no preparation. I signed the consent for and walked out of the school office really excited.

But after being fully satisfied with her teacher and class I worry that maybe I should not have pushed the gifted test. Will it be the best choice? IF she passes. Maybe she won't. Miss K is VERY smart but the biggest hurdle will be her ability to stay on task. She does have to be reminded to stay on task when she is in free time. The gifted class is a bit more freely run in some situations . We'll see what happens.

Either way I will be VERY happy. I can't wait for this year to start and see how well she does in this class. Last year she had many misfits and children who were not on the reading, writing level she is on. The challenges will be more her pace. She will be among her peers who are on the education level she is on. I think my prayers have been answered and I didn't know it.

Monday Minute-08/02

It's time for some Monday Minute with Ian
from DDoR!
I have been slacking and haven't linked up in awhile so
I'm proud to present some Q&A
for Monday!

Cohost this week is Jenn from Brown Eyed Girl

1. Describe your life in one word. fulfilling

2. Is there something you wish you had learned how to do as a child? gymnastics. I was and still am not able to do cart wheel, back bend or round off. It would have been fun.

3. Who has been the biggest influence on your life? God. He has been my guide, support, rock and father. I can turn to him when I'm at my lowest and when I am on my highest mountain. I try every day to be a better person in light of my father the Lord.

4.What is your greatest dream/hope/aspiration? To go back to college and get a Bachelor's degree in social science, psychology. I am interested in how the mind works and I wanted to be a cop to be a detective or investigator but I never wanted to deal with guns and criminals. But my interest is in the mind and what makes people tick.

and finally...

5.Do you believe you have reached your potential? Why/why not? As a wife and mother, I would say so far. But for myself, see the above answer. I am not there yet. I have not reached my full potential in my faith because I am a work in progress, we all are.

Pour Your Heart Out:Sacrifices

Pour Your Heart Out

It's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out. There isn't ever a theme or topic that you have to blog about- it's completely a personal thing.

Please grab the button for your post and link up with Shell at Thing's I Can't Say.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

We all make sacrifices. The biggest thing I sacrifice is time. I am beginning to regret my sacrifice and I feel bad about it. Especially because what it means for regretting it. This has been a busy month. It's taking it's toll on me and I am sad that I am getting aggravated by the crunch.

This month has been so busy for me that I have had to make my phone send me alarms and messages to make sure I keep my schedule straight. I have skipped some stuff to allow for other things to happen. I say this year after year that I will not volunteer for it but I some how let myself get pulled in. I am regretting Vacation Bible School because of how much time I have to put into to it and how it affects me. I lose time with my kids, keep Miss K up late and miss out on fun activities with Little E who is too little to attend our program.

But on the other hand I enjoy spending time with the other 35 or so other children I see at VBS. There are about a dozen that I have seen come every year and they look forward to seeing me. Most of the children that attend our VBS come from broken homes, low income families. It warms my heart when I see them walk in and enjoy the two hours they spend with us. How could I miss and not see them? They only get five days of me and my kids will have me the other 360 days.

But why do I feel so guilty for sacrificing my time with them? It has been so hard to rush around in the late afternoon to get ready for VBS and make it there on time. I get upset and frustrated and wish I had not signed up. Tuesday night I noticed that I was more agitated and depressed that I have not been having family dinner time.

I am looking forward to the busy week to be over. I feel that I am sacrificing my children's time for other children. I know that God understands because I am doing his work. I am spreading his word to children who may not hear it any other time. They deserve my best face and attitude. It's just hard battle to face every day. It's one of those times that I cannot have my cake and eat it too. Life is about choices. I hope I'm making the right one.

Let The Blessings Flow

I have been journaling my thoughts and now I'm linking up with Ann VosKamp's Holy Experience and joining with other ladies and their thankful thoughts.
This is my first time and starting form the beginning and in no particular order.

1. I am so grateful that my husband works so hard so I have the luxury to stay home with our children and raise them without daycare.

2. I love enjoying the laughter of my children when they are able to let loose, scream, giggle and run off steam in a playground.

3. I am thankful that my children are curious and inquisitive and are full of questions for me to teach them.

4. I was reminded that material items are not that important and who cares if the shoes are dirty and have a tear in them. They are just shoes as my daughter reminded me. I have to remember to not sweat the small stuff.

5. I worry that I over spoil my children and realized that my daughter has no idea what she wants for her birthday this year. Last year she wanted useless toys and I chalked it up to too much tv and commercials for toys. This year we have cut mindless tv watching and only allow educational programs and cartoons and it's paying off.

6. I am thankful for the guidance of God and pray daily for those to hear his word.

7. I prefer to give thanks for my blessings and ask for forgiveness in my shortcomings in Sunday prayer than ask for prayers for myself.

8. I am thankful for the compliments that others give me when I am unsure.

9. I am grateful for the sun that shines down on my children when they want to play outside.

10. I am grateful for the quiet in the evenings when my husband and I can enjoy each other's company like we used to before starting a family.

11. I am thankful that after many long years without a close friend God gave me some really good ones.

12. I can't get enough of my tender hearted, loving little boy. He still has my heart and hasn't given it back.

13. I have this way of letting small furry animals sneak into my heart and let my kids enjoy the life with animals. We just added another kitten to the family.

14. The laughter when my children are just being silly.

With a Thankful Heart

1 Thessalonians 5:18 (New Living Translation)

Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you who belong to Christ Jesus.


I wonder sometimes of bad things happen to people because God is trying to send them a wake up call. I think he has a hand in everything and things happen for reasons we do not understand and probably never will until we reach heaven. The reason I say this is because I came down with a case of shingles and it's not common under the age of 50. Well I am certainly not 50 by any means so it's possible I have a lowered immune system or I am stressed.

I might have been stressed because I am adjusting to being a stay at home mom and working outside the home gives you the opportunity to get away from your kids. Being home does not have that perk and you can't even go pee without some one hunting you down to see what you're doing. Even in public I pray that the handicapped stall is available to take both kids with me or squeeze three people, a purse and whatever toy they have into a small stall.

So lucky me I come down with a case of shingles the Thursday before July 4th weekend! Shingles is contagious to anyone who has never had chicken pox which meant I needed to stay away from my friend's children who are under the age of two. Talk about a sad weekend for me. If you remember my weekend plans included a birthday party for my friend's four year old which I was not ,able attend. My friend also has another daughter who is 21 months who has not had the vaccine yet and the same friend has never had chicken pox. Thankfully my husband took the kids to the party and they had a good time.

I did manage to go to the 4th party my friends were having but I was so fatigued from the shingles and nauseous from the pain medicine we left early. Glad I did because we headed out to the beach the next day and I needed my energy for that. That evening though, Miss K complained about a sore throat. I sent her to be with some Ibuprofen and hoped she would feel better in the morning.

Not so much. She woke up feeling worse and took her to the walk in pediatrician. She was running a low grade fever and tested positive for strep. Just great!! I had already been having thoughts that God was trying to prevent me from going to the party on the fourth with my shingles and it didn't keep me from going anywhere. So now he allows Miss K to get sick and contagious so I have to stay home. We took the rest of the day to chill out and relax. The next day and three doses of antibiotics and she was full of energy again. Kids bounce back so easily.

But I am still having this nagging feeling that I am being limited on my activities by having the shingles. I am looking for the good in it because life could be much worse. It's uncomfortable and the effects could last several weeks even when the rash is gone. The pain fades in and out and I try to not let it bother me. It has kept me form the gym and I've been hanging out at the house with the kids. They have enjoyed having me be around them more than going to fun activities outside the house. I guess God is grounding me.

I have learned that you have to find the good in every situation and not dwell on the bad in it. Find the positive. The Lord has blessed my family with the fortune to be able to stay home with my children and now he is blessing me with the quiet time to spend with them. For this, I am thankful.

Five Question Friday 06/25

I am soo glad that it's Friday!
No that life gets any different but tomorrow my husband is off
and he will be home with us! Yay!
I love the weekends to see my husband for more than the half hour in the am
and the few sleepy ones in the evenings when we try
to watch a movie or something together.

1. Do you know how to play a musical instrument? nope.

2. What is your pet peeve while driving? people who don't use blinkers! I am not a mind reader and I have no idea why you are applying your brakes, you could be just trying to avoid hitting a squirrel or maybe, juts maybe you're making a right hand turn and you should have used your blinker!!!

3. Would you rather have a housekeeper or unlimited spa services? housekeeper by all means! I like to clean my house because it gives me self gratification BUT I have been cleaning house since I was 13. I cleaned my parents house top to bottom every Saturday and I have cleaned my house every Monday since I was married 9 years ago and I need a break. My mother has a cleaning lady and I'm jealous. But a housekeeper is even more than a cleaner, she cooks, shops, organizes and dusts. Oh my! I am getting all excited just thinking about it!

4. Is there a song that you hear that will take you back to the moment, like a junior high or high school dance?
Let's see Heaven is A Place on Earth, from my brother's wedding, I heard this over and over again while my mother and I recorded his wedding on VHS tape after VHS tape after VHS tape.
Blessid Union of Souls' I Believe brings back most of high school.


Oh my gosh! And Pearl Jam's Black. After my junior year when I got my first car I used to listen to Pearl Jam ALLLLL the time. And when I met my now husband in my senior year I used to listen to Pearl Jam a lot.

5. What song best represents your life right now?
Casting Crowns Praise You in This Storm because I am still stumbling along as a Christian and I am trying to find my way through this fallen world to be the person that God wants me to be.

Pour Your Heart Out-Lottery

My life as I know has changed or at least will be changing forever as I know it. I will be embarking on an adventure that I never thought would happen unless I won the lottery. In less than six weeks I will become a Stay at Home Mom.
I started working when I was 15 years old. I worked part time until I got my first full time job at a bank when I was 19. From that point on I have always held a full time job and until I turned 21 I worked and tried to attend college classes. When I started working for my parents I was at a crossroads. I was single at the time, I had just quit my high stress management position job and was looking for a stepping stone job. Never did I think that I would marry my husband, have 2 children and stay working full time at that job for 11 years.
Many times I wanted to move on and find something else. I had always worked in the retail world and I was beginning to get burned out. Then I got pregnant with my daughter and still decided to go back to work. I never thought much about staying home to raise her. I think part of it was being a first time mom to a cranky, fussy baby and the fact that my husband and I were saving to buy our first house.
It only continued on from that point we bought a new house and of course we bought new cars, new furniture and so forth. Along the way I decided that I wanted to add to the family so we bought my SUV. A year and half later we welcomed my son into the family. That is when the tug really started. I did not want to go back to work.
But I also did not want to give up the lifestyle I was used to. I wanted to still be able to have both vehicles, the freedom to go out and have our family insured. I went back to work. I think I may have even had a hint of post pardum depression. I was really sad about going back to work and leaving my son in the hands of daycare staff.
Needless to say now that I really think about it, it has not been an easy road. There have been many signs along the way to tell me stay home.
Little E is now in his third daycare since he was born. When he was in the last one before the one he is currently in I was starting to have doubts about working. I was frustrated with the fact that I was mostly working to pay for daycare, health insurance, gas and maybe a wee bit of spending money. The main reason: health care. Even if I quit working at that time, my family did not qualify for assistance for health care. So I continued on.

Personally, it is very stressful to work for family. If you have never done it, you cannot even begin to know what it's like. Your parents have a hard time separating child from employee. They cannot show favoritism so you're supposedly treated like an employee, but then you are expected to be this outstanding employee. Which I was. But I draw the line when you call my cell phone when you can't figure something out and give me crap. When I should have never answered the phone because I was OFF WORK.
To sum it up without having to list all the things that would happen or rear their ugly head, they all kept pointing in the same direction. That I really needed to find a way home. Did I ever think it would happen? No.
This last Friday my husband sends me a text message that said " you never have to work again. They gave me a raise that allows you to stay home". I was speechless. My stomach dropped and I was nervous and happy and excited all at once.
I was nervous as heck because I would have to tell my parents that I was leaving. Nervous because this is all new to me. I am soo excited because I will be spending the summer with my babies! I get to spend Saturdays with my husband and kiddos! One BIG thing my husband has been looking forward to for nine years!
So I worked up the courage and told my mom on Saturday an hour before work was over. She was happy and sad all at the same time. I was not about to tell my father. I gave them six weeks. I figured that they need time to find another employee and I could train them a few weeks. Miss K ends school in six weeks and will be out for summer vacation. I don't want to pull her out of her after school care and disrupt her right near the end of the year. It also give Little E a few more weeks with his new friends and then he's leaving his daycare. I'm not sure what the future will bring.
Will I teach Little E preschool until he's 4? I don't know. What I do know is that my kids will be enjoying time with mom. Miss K and I have already started a list of trips and "to do's" for the summer. And when Miss K enters the second grade I will decide on what schooling Little E will get. I really want to try schooling him at home. For a 2 1/2 year old he knows quite a bit already so I'll go from there.
All I know is that when the school bell rings on June 4th, my life changes forever.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

PINT-Update

UPDATE to Wednesday's Pour Your Heart Out

I went to the Worship Committee meeting tonight. One of the topics that was being discussed was the incident with Little E being bitten. I have been stressing over this for about a week and subconsciously my mind would not stop with this issue. I have been losing sleep over it and couldn't control that. I was a mess about it today so much that my stomach was in knots and hurting from the stress.
What a relief to have been there to lay my concerns on the table. I'm not sure if I could have handled another evening of the unknown. I was nervous through the beginning of the meeting while looking at the outline. We had to discuss some old business and maybe it was good. I was able to get my mind off the Nursery Incident as it was written on the outline. When it came to that part, Margy looks at me and asks me if this has been handled and things taken care of now.

I was sweating, shaking and nervous. I told them that I was not satisfied with the amswers from the staff in the nursery and that until our church hires an attendant of our own that Little E will NOT be going in there. I do not trust the staff in there to watch my son. PERIOD. I calmly explained my doubts and that we need our own nursery attendant. I then drove the point home when I said, "If the CLS was not here providing nursery personnel than what would we do to provide care for our children? We would HAVE to hire some one." And Margy agreed. I said that we need to have some one from our church or that our church hires in there.

One person from our church was suggested to fill that position and they will be asking her. I am praying that she accepts because if she does not, I am not sure how many weeks my husband will deal with our little guy in the pew with us. ( walking out during church service to go to the car is not a great idea) So pray for us that this works out and the lady in question accepts this responsibility. I'll keep you all updated. And many thanks to those of you who offered your advice and concerns on my PINT post. God bless.

Pour Your Heart Out

It's no fun to feel disconnected. Having no feeling whatsoever and being indifferent. I am not happy with myself about feeling like this but I'm not sure how else to feel. This may be a result of my former self before I found God. My attitude of putting up a wall and not letting anyone in.

But I haven't been enjoying my mood about my church lately. I'm not mad at God but I'm unsure of the direction that I'm being led. I'm not sure, am I reading the wrong signs? In the past I have had thoughts that maybe I'm in the wrong church. But until two weeks ago, the thoughts were in the back of my mind.

Little E was bitten in the church nursery and I understand that biting happens in a group of toddlers. But what should not happen is that neither I or my husband not being informed. As I was approaching our outdoor cross I noticed Little E had something red on his cheek. I thought maybe one of the ladies has kissed him and tried to rub off the lipstick. But it wasn't lipstick. A closer observation of his cheek answered what it was. A bite! I asked him who bit him and it happened to be a child from the "other" church. Great.

The "other" church is a church that meets in my church's fellowship hall and has combined some services with ours. One of the combined services was the nursery. Our nursery attendant left and finding it easier, my church agreed that the other church would use our nursery and watch all the babies and toddlers. Recently they changed attendants and I wasn't excited about the new lady watching E.

Now this incident confirms my feelings about her. I know that I should not judge a book by it's cover but this time my gut was right.

I was pretty upset about finding out that he was bitten and said something to my mother (who attends the same church) and she advised me to tell Margy, the head of Worship at our church. She seemed a little concerned about his wound and said we would have to talk with the other church.
I wasn't satisfied with her answer and lack of concern.

Monday morning I called the church President Laura to give her the details of what happened on Sunday. She told me that she already knew about it. Obviously, Margy had spoken with our Pastor and he immediately wrote an email to the other church's Pastor and forwarded it to Laura. I was surprised that she said anything based on her reaction about it the day before. Laura told me that it would get handled and that we would get to the bottom of it.

That evening the other church's Pastor Pat called me and said that she had spoken to the adult nursery attendant and was told that she didn't see it happen. (uh huh, sure) Pat had not spoken to the teen helper as of Monday evening but she would be questioning her too. She explained to me that she expects the nursery to run like a daycare; with incident reports if an accident happens, including speaking with the children about what happened and both parents being notified of the incident. She told me that maybe the boys were rough housing in the nursery but that shouldn't be going on. She said that the nursery staff is supposed to be teaching a lesson every Sunday. (oh really??) She reassured me that she would be talking to the nursery staff again and going over the class requirements and procedures.

We didn't go to church the following Sunday.

We took the kids to Disney instead. Not intentionally missing church because of the nursery incident. But it worked out that way.

Last Wednesday I was having doubts about going to church on Sunday. If I wasn't obligated to serve as a Deacon I would have skipped again and not even thought about it. I don't believe that nursery attendant didn't see it. If she didn't see it happen then where was the teen attendant? Or did she see it happen and didn't want to say anything to protect the child from her church? Either idea is bad. Either one does not make a safe place for my child to be. I can't go to church and leave my son in the care of some one I don't trust. Which leaves my husband or myself staying home with my son and two people miss out on the Word of God.

So I called my pastor to speak with him about my issues with the nursery. I explained to him that I was not comfortable sending Little E in the nursery if things have not changed. I told him about my doubts in her story and he pretty much looked at me dumbfounded. That is the best way I can describe it. He said "well, maybe we need to hire our own nursery attendant again."

Oh really??? Maybe? MAYBE? Maybe is not good enough for me. I told him that I know how daycare works. Sadly, I've dealt with not so good day cares. But the difference is that I pay them and if I don't like them I pull my kid out. In this situation I'm stuck complaining to my church who then has to say something to the other church and so forth. Blah, blah, blah.
It's ridiculous.

I got an email from my mother that was a conversation between my Pastor and the other Pastor. It said that there would be two adults in the nursery. So I went to church on Sunday. I still wasn't happy about it. I really don't like to say that but I didn't feel anything standing in the house of God. I was mad. I did not send my son to the nursery. My husband and I kept him in the sanctuary with us and tried to entertain him while trying to listen to a sermon. Little E couldn't contain his 2 1/2 year old voice and kept talking loudly.

My husband took him outside for a few minutes. I asked my husband to check in on the nursery and see what was going on in there. The same unreliable nursery attendant and her teen helper were in there again. Were they teaching a lesson? No. What were they doing? Playing. What happened to the Bible lesson? I plan on finding out.

This Thursday the Worship Committee is having a meeting. A meeting that was planned because I want change.
I am on that committee.
The Pastor will be there.
I hope God will be there.

I will need to pray that my fears are answered and the church will find a new nursery attendant. Because if they don't. I will have no choice but to find a new church home. I don't like being that way. I'm not planning on being threatening about it. I have to do what I know and feel is right for my family. For my children.

Thankful Thursday: Little E

Colossians 2:7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

This Thursday I am participating in a new meme, Thankful Thursday with The Outdoor Wife. I found her through a new blog I recently stated following, the Layton Family Joy. I say this and truly believe that God leads me to the blogs I find.
Even amongst the heartache in this world I can always find things to be thankful for. For my God is a loving God and he knows my heart.

I am ever so thankful for my son, Little E. After quickly becoming pregnant with him only after two months of trying I was scared, elated and joyful. Scared, because my family would be going from one to two children. This was a life changing event. I was elated and joyful because we were going from a family of three to a family of four! Then the bleeding started. I knew in my mind that something was wrong. But my OB doctor found nothing wrong after many tests and ultrasounds. I was still convinced that I was miscarrying and my doctor didn't have any answers for me. I was a crying, stressed out mess and went looking for another doctor. I needed answers , I couldn't go on without knowing. I found this amazing OB/GYN practice that employed the best midwife you could ask for. After my first appointment, listening to the heartbeat and another round of ultrasounds she reassured me that my baby was okay. Apparently the bleeding I was having was old blood from the uterus closing up. (The blood was dark which is a sign of old blood.) It was nothing to worry about. From that moment I was thankful that I continued on and didn't give up. I had to have faith that God was going to take care of me and the baby. On July 14, 2007 my son was born. A healthy, 9lb 6oz baby boy. With God all things are possible.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Why?- Pour Your Heart Out

I wanted to thank everyone who read my post for Pour Your Heart Out last week and was so supportive and genuinely concerned about my little girl's well being. It's tough sometimes to spill the hard stuff and you worry about what people think about you. So this week I am not pouring so much about me.
This Wednesday as I have been doing, I am joining my blog friend Shell over at Things I Can't Say with her weekly meme Pour Your Heart Out.


Last year, when my friend told all of her friends that the baby she was carrying had a life threatening condition I was in shock. Here she was 30 weeks pregnant with her second child, a baby girl, and they find out that the baby has a Diaphragmatic Hernia during a regular ultrasound visit. Knowing this ahead of time before giving birth gave the baby a better chance of living since she would now be delivered via C-section in a neonatal hospital. A few weeks before the scheduled delivery of Angel, my friend's husband S was in a serious motorcycle accident. By the grace of God S lived but endeared many surgeries to save his leg. As if this family wasn't already going through enough, now that.
Angel was born on Oct 13, 2008 at Winnie Palmer Hospital. She was stable and was immediately placed on machines to assist her breathing. Days after birth she went through her first of six surgeries to correct the hernia and many other heart complications. On March 13, 2009 baby Angel gave up her fight and joined Jesus in Heaven.

I wasn't my friend's closest friend but during this time of her life we became close. Those of us who were there for them through the thick and thin and even in between. We were there. Through the triumphs and downfalls.
By reading my friend's MySpace blogs you would think that this really did bring them closer to God. It brought many of us to God maybe not for the reasons that he expected or maybe he did.? But I questioned God. Why? Why did it happen? What was his reason? Whose test was this? I believe that he allows things to happen for reasons that we do not understand. He could have taken her the day she was born but he let her stay here for her parents. Would the outcome have changed if she never took a breath of life?
But I don't think he expected the result that is now. During Angel's hospitalization they regularly attended church, asking for prayers and praying to God for healing. Now? You won't find them in church. I know that you don't have to go to church to praise God or believe in God but they don't live a very Christlike life. I LOVE my friend dearly and I guess I just turn the other cheek when they should be doing better. I can't turn my back on them.
I'm holding onto the hope that by setting a good example of where they should be spiritually that maybe it will change. I give up having a good time on Saturday nights with them because God is more important and I need to go to church. But is that selfish? Is it really showing them anything? It probably makes them think I'm a snob. Who knows. All I know is that whatever God's purpose, I'm still questioning the motive.

Happy Easter

I wanted to let you all know that while I'm away until Monday that.........
and two wonderful chocolate loving children. I will be enjoying some quality time with my babes. We're coloring eggs, making a few German glass eggs, some Rice Krispie Treats among a just to name a few of our Easter weekend delights.


Looking forward to church Sunday morning for our Easter service. Have a blessed holiday and see you next week!