Day 1: I'm Lost Without You

Day 1 while my husband is away in Haiti. 

Sadly on Friday evening, the last night we had together before he needed to meet the mission team at the church, I got a phone that I never expected. My grandmother had died. I was in complete and utter shock after my Aunt had just passed the day after Easter. It has only been a week since we buried her. A turn of events happened and my mother called me back and said that grandma was alive. The staff at the nursing home called 911 and performed CPR and they had a pulse. She was en route to the ER. This all felt too surreal. Had we not just done this?? Why now when my husband is leaving for a week? 

So Friday evening when we would have been spending our last hours together, we spent it in the hospital watching my grandmother slip from us. She wasn't really there anymore. As much as I know about the body and spirit, I believe she wasn't there. Her body was still working for the moment, but her mind was gone. She was ready to join our Father in heaven. She was ready to join her daughter and husband among her other family members who had long since passed.

By the time my husband and I got home there was only and hour left to rest before he would need to shower and prepare to leave. Talk about a cat nap that was hard to come by while my thoughts were on my grandmother.

My husband and I exchanged kisses and I love you's at 3am and we parted ways. I really felt all alone at that moment I pulled from the church parking lot. I went home and struggled to go to sleep. My mind was elsewhere for many reasons. Losing my grandmother so quickly now after my aunt, missing my husband, worrying over the looming week ahead-alone.

At 3:45 am the phone rang. The house phone. My father called me with the news I was expecting but hoping would not come. Grandma was in heaven now. She was gone. She was the only grandma I knew, since my mother's mom passed away when I was very little. I knew this day would come, but I wasn't ready. Are we ever ready?

I tossed and turned and finally was able to get a little rest. At 6:51am my husband texted me and let me know that he was boarding his first of two flights to Haiti. I never went back to sleep. The kids would be up soon and I was the only one home to take care of them.

Today has been a long day to say the least. Many emotions have gone through me. I will not let myself become depressed. I was close today. I sat in my pj's until 3pm. I forced myself to eat lunch. I am keeping the routines at home for my children's sake. Normalcy. It keeps me going for now. I'm tired and hoping I will get some rest tonight. 

Thankfully my husband texted me tonight and let me know all was well. He is at the hotel in Haiti and he had a long trip there. He hopes to Facetime or Skype me tomorrow. I really hope he does.

PYHO: Home in Heaven

Where do I begin? These past eleven days have been a blur. Sunday April 1st was any regular day for my family. We attended church that Sunday followed by our afternoon group gathering for church. It was even a little more fun since we went out to dinner after wards at our local BBQ restuarant. Then it all changed when I got the phone call from my mom.

My aunt, who was recently moved to a rehab facility here where I live from Tampa, was going into the hospital. Several months back she had gone into the hospital for swelling in her legs. It was discovered that she had sorosis of the liver and she was not an alcohol drinker. We believe that some years back another doctor told her that she had this, but due to her limited mental capabilities, she did not realize the severity of her condition.

 The rehab facility called my mother and told her that my aunt was having trouble breathing. And it must have gotten bad enough for them to call an ambulance. En route to the hospital from the facility, which is merely two minutes away, something happened. The hospital staff said, "crashed". She "crashed". Whatever that means for them, it meant she lost consciousness, stopped breathing and was intibated.

The next morning my husband and I went to see her in the ICU. She was not conscious, she was heavily sedated and on a ventilator machine. It was a surreal moment. The tears welled up in my eyes and I went to her bedside. I rubbed her arm and spoke to her, calling her name. I was shocked that she turned her head towards me and fluttered her eyes. My husband said her heart rate jumped up ten numbers and it worried him. He said "I don't think we should be trying to wake her".

He went to the nurses station and asked the nurse that was caring for my aunt, about trying to communicate with her. Apparently they didn't want us to do that. They wanted her heart to stay calm while she was fighting so many infections in her body. She currently had pneumonia, one lung was completely full of fluid and her liver failing had caused the ammonia in her body to rise to dangerous levels. Adding these complications to her already failing body put her in danger.

Sadly, this Monday, April 9th my aunt passed away and joined the Lord. Her heart withstood as much as it could for nine days but couldn't hold on any longer. She is now free from pain. I am happy for her. She is now a smart person in heaven. God has released her from her limited mental capabilities. He has made her well again.

Humanly, I am still sad for her. And tomorrow we will attend the first of two funerals for her. One here,  and one back in Tampa. I have not cried this week for her. Not that my heart doesn't ache to have her fleshly body here on Earth with us, but I know that she is in a better place now. That she doesn't have to depend on breathing machines, western medicines, wheel chairs and many other medical devices to lengthen her life here.

It has been a rough time for me and my family. I'm glad that she we recently celebrated her mother's birthday all together. The whole family. My brothers, their spouses and children and my parents. She was surrounded by us all before the sickness took her home.

You never know when the last day will be with your loved ones. 

Please forgive me if I do not respond to your comments right away this weekend.

PYHO: Where the Heart is

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

I'm at a crossroads in my spiritual life. As far as I can remember into my childhood, I know that my parents tried to instill religion into my life. They took us to church, Bible camps and Sunday School until I was about ten years old. Then, the hectic lifestyle of them working outside the home six days a week took a toll on us going to Sunday services. It ceased to exist.

I found the love for God again after getting married. I was Baptized the Easter Sunday in 2003 and reconfirmed my faith with Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit working in me, I have faithfully tried to get my husband to be more committed to God, Christianity and the Bible.

After, nearly losing my marriage my husband and I started fresh in a new church home. The church we were attending was leaving me frustrated. The time and commitment I was putting into it was taking it's toll on my marriage. One of the most sacred things to God, the union of a man and woman.

It is our job to glorify his name, the union of two souls working together to do so.

We left the small church.

My husband and I started attending services at a very large church. The pastor's word spoke to our hearts. His interpretation of the Bible compared to today's lifestyles captured us. I wanted more, I wanted to join groups in this church. We decided to attend a new member class for those who wish to become a member.

The smoke and mirrors were gone. It felt like we were being tested, looked at under a microscope and now I question, is this the place for us? There are bi laws of being a member that I question and can't seem to get past.

My sister in law gave me a good metaphor for how I feel. "The small church you used to go to was like a shoe too small to fit. You chose a larger "shoe", but it's too big. Quit stuffing it with newspaper to make it work. You have to find the right size shoe."

I love the sermons, but is it enough? The kids LOVE their church classes and I will feel terrible pulling them out. Do I swallow my doubts about their requirements and just go forth and be a member? Is this where God wants me? I wish I knew the answers because it's hard to decipher between what God is telling my heart and what my mind is telling me.

Writer's Workshop: 02/10/11

5. Read the following quote and respond: “Sometimes you have to break the rules around you to keep the rules within you” -Martha Beck O Magazine

Mark 4:22 (see also Luke 8:17) says, “What is hidden is meant to be seen. And what is put out of sight is meant to be brought out into the open. (NIV)
Luke 12:2-3 says, “Everything that is secret will be brought out into the open. Everything that is hidden will be uncovered. What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight. What you have whispered to someone behind closed doors will be shouted from the rooftops.”


What if this was true? God sees everything we do, think or say so why shouldn't every one else see what we have done? To commit the sin in front of God is one thing, but if you knowingly committed the sin and everyone else was going to know about it, would you rethink it? Would you think twice about it? That would be the deciding factor for some people.

Why shouldn't the fact that you are doing wrong in God's eyes a factor? We should know that he will be upset with us and that one day we are going to have to explain all of our sins.

So that's why it's important to have a faithful, religious community of friends to pick us up if we fall short or feel like that we have no other choice but to make the wrong decision. We should feel safe to tell them about our misgivings and mistakes before we make them.

God made rules for us to follow and they are pretty simple. They leave a lot of room to make the right decisions and still follow them. Breaking the rules is a sin, bending the rules is a sin.

I am in no way saying I'm perfect by any means. Heck, I've got a long road to try and get there and I'm sure as heck that I probably never will. I can always strive to get to that point and remember that some one is always watching. If that little voice in your head says "it's not right"I think you should listen. If you knew that there was a repercussion for your actions, wouldn't you think twice about it?

Silence is Golden

We were running late to church this morning for the 9:00 am service and I figured we would walk into the sanctuary during praise songs. But as we entered the hallway we were greeted by the sound of Pastor James welcoming everyone to the morning service. We quickly found our seats and I shoved my purse under the pew in front of us, then I remembered that I needed to silence my cell phone.
I was pretty wise about turning mine off which I always do for church. After our praise song and Pastoral prayer the lights were dimmed and the video screens went black. The word SILENCE flashed white on the screens. Followed my many different scriptures talking about silence and listening to God. Meditation. Being still. Prayer.
It was quite uplifting to listen to only the sound of your heartbeat as these words flashed by. I felt more connected and was intrigued how the quiet can be so reassuring and comforting. The sermon that Pastor James gave really spoke to my heart today.
In today's world we are always distracted by the noise of the world. Whether it's the television, radio, cell phones or people. Then we wonder why we can't hear God. Our Lord is always speaking to us, but how can we hear him amongst all that noise? You have to set aside the time to be in silence when asking and praying to him and wait, meditate and be still. We might pray to God and he hears us, but we're not giving him the time to answer us. What kind of conversation is that?
It touched me because in some small way I know what he's talking about. This past Friday evening during dinner, we ate without the television on. It was an enjoyable quiet. Miss K asked me " aren't you going to turn the tv on? Maybe watch Jeopardy or Wheel of Fortune?" I told her "nope. not tonight. We're enjoying dinner together without tv." She smiled. That was so amazing. We enjoyed family conversation and Miss K was telling us about her day and had to be reminded a few times to eat her dinner. Silencing the outside noise was beautiful. I was reminded of my blessings that evening and God spoke to me.
That will not be the only night of no television during dinner. I suggested recording those shows we usually watch during dinner but the hubs said "no. we watch enough as it is. It's more enjoyable listening to the kids and what they have to say." God is reconnecting us during dinner and it's only the tip of the ice burg.

Do you think that you could give up something that is noise in your day to day life to reconnect and listen to God? You never know, you probably won't miss it.




Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth! Psalm 46:10

Let The Blessings Flow

I have been journaling my thoughts and now I'm linking up with Ann VosKamp's Holy Experience and joining with other ladies and their thankful thoughts.
This is my first time and starting form the beginning and in no particular order.

1. I am so grateful that my husband works so hard so I have the luxury to stay home with our children and raise them without daycare.

2. I love enjoying the laughter of my children when they are able to let loose, scream, giggle and run off steam in a playground.

3. I am thankful that my children are curious and inquisitive and are full of questions for me to teach them.

4. I was reminded that material items are not that important and who cares if the shoes are dirty and have a tear in them. They are just shoes as my daughter reminded me. I have to remember to not sweat the small stuff.

5. I worry that I over spoil my children and realized that my daughter has no idea what she wants for her birthday this year. Last year she wanted useless toys and I chalked it up to too much tv and commercials for toys. This year we have cut mindless tv watching and only allow educational programs and cartoons and it's paying off.

6. I am thankful for the guidance of God and pray daily for those to hear his word.

7. I prefer to give thanks for my blessings and ask for forgiveness in my shortcomings in Sunday prayer than ask for prayers for myself.

8. I am thankful for the compliments that others give me when I am unsure.

9. I am grateful for the sun that shines down on my children when they want to play outside.

10. I am grateful for the quiet in the evenings when my husband and I can enjoy each other's company like we used to before starting a family.

11. I am thankful that after many long years without a close friend God gave me some really good ones.

12. I can't get enough of my tender hearted, loving little boy. He still has my heart and hasn't given it back.

13. I have this way of letting small furry animals sneak into my heart and let my kids enjoy the life with animals. We just added another kitten to the family.

14. The laughter when my children are just being silly.

PINT-Update

UPDATE to Wednesday's Pour Your Heart Out

I went to the Worship Committee meeting tonight. One of the topics that was being discussed was the incident with Little E being bitten. I have been stressing over this for about a week and subconsciously my mind would not stop with this issue. I have been losing sleep over it and couldn't control that. I was a mess about it today so much that my stomach was in knots and hurting from the stress.
What a relief to have been there to lay my concerns on the table. I'm not sure if I could have handled another evening of the unknown. I was nervous through the beginning of the meeting while looking at the outline. We had to discuss some old business and maybe it was good. I was able to get my mind off the Nursery Incident as it was written on the outline. When it came to that part, Margy looks at me and asks me if this has been handled and things taken care of now.

I was sweating, shaking and nervous. I told them that I was not satisfied with the amswers from the staff in the nursery and that until our church hires an attendant of our own that Little E will NOT be going in there. I do not trust the staff in there to watch my son. PERIOD. I calmly explained my doubts and that we need our own nursery attendant. I then drove the point home when I said, "If the CLS was not here providing nursery personnel than what would we do to provide care for our children? We would HAVE to hire some one." And Margy agreed. I said that we need to have some one from our church or that our church hires in there.

One person from our church was suggested to fill that position and they will be asking her. I am praying that she accepts because if she does not, I am not sure how many weeks my husband will deal with our little guy in the pew with us. ( walking out during church service to go to the car is not a great idea) So pray for us that this works out and the lady in question accepts this responsibility. I'll keep you all updated. And many thanks to those of you who offered your advice and concerns on my PINT post. God bless.

Pour Your Heart Out

It's no fun to feel disconnected. Having no feeling whatsoever and being indifferent. I am not happy with myself about feeling like this but I'm not sure how else to feel. This may be a result of my former self before I found God. My attitude of putting up a wall and not letting anyone in.

But I haven't been enjoying my mood about my church lately. I'm not mad at God but I'm unsure of the direction that I'm being led. I'm not sure, am I reading the wrong signs? In the past I have had thoughts that maybe I'm in the wrong church. But until two weeks ago, the thoughts were in the back of my mind.

Little E was bitten in the church nursery and I understand that biting happens in a group of toddlers. But what should not happen is that neither I or my husband not being informed. As I was approaching our outdoor cross I noticed Little E had something red on his cheek. I thought maybe one of the ladies has kissed him and tried to rub off the lipstick. But it wasn't lipstick. A closer observation of his cheek answered what it was. A bite! I asked him who bit him and it happened to be a child from the "other" church. Great.

The "other" church is a church that meets in my church's fellowship hall and has combined some services with ours. One of the combined services was the nursery. Our nursery attendant left and finding it easier, my church agreed that the other church would use our nursery and watch all the babies and toddlers. Recently they changed attendants and I wasn't excited about the new lady watching E.

Now this incident confirms my feelings about her. I know that I should not judge a book by it's cover but this time my gut was right.

I was pretty upset about finding out that he was bitten and said something to my mother (who attends the same church) and she advised me to tell Margy, the head of Worship at our church. She seemed a little concerned about his wound and said we would have to talk with the other church.
I wasn't satisfied with her answer and lack of concern.

Monday morning I called the church President Laura to give her the details of what happened on Sunday. She told me that she already knew about it. Obviously, Margy had spoken with our Pastor and he immediately wrote an email to the other church's Pastor and forwarded it to Laura. I was surprised that she said anything based on her reaction about it the day before. Laura told me that it would get handled and that we would get to the bottom of it.

That evening the other church's Pastor Pat called me and said that she had spoken to the adult nursery attendant and was told that she didn't see it happen. (uh huh, sure) Pat had not spoken to the teen helper as of Monday evening but she would be questioning her too. She explained to me that she expects the nursery to run like a daycare; with incident reports if an accident happens, including speaking with the children about what happened and both parents being notified of the incident. She told me that maybe the boys were rough housing in the nursery but that shouldn't be going on. She said that the nursery staff is supposed to be teaching a lesson every Sunday. (oh really??) She reassured me that she would be talking to the nursery staff again and going over the class requirements and procedures.

We didn't go to church the following Sunday.

We took the kids to Disney instead. Not intentionally missing church because of the nursery incident. But it worked out that way.

Last Wednesday I was having doubts about going to church on Sunday. If I wasn't obligated to serve as a Deacon I would have skipped again and not even thought about it. I don't believe that nursery attendant didn't see it. If she didn't see it happen then where was the teen attendant? Or did she see it happen and didn't want to say anything to protect the child from her church? Either idea is bad. Either one does not make a safe place for my child to be. I can't go to church and leave my son in the care of some one I don't trust. Which leaves my husband or myself staying home with my son and two people miss out on the Word of God.

So I called my pastor to speak with him about my issues with the nursery. I explained to him that I was not comfortable sending Little E in the nursery if things have not changed. I told him about my doubts in her story and he pretty much looked at me dumbfounded. That is the best way I can describe it. He said "well, maybe we need to hire our own nursery attendant again."

Oh really??? Maybe? MAYBE? Maybe is not good enough for me. I told him that I know how daycare works. Sadly, I've dealt with not so good day cares. But the difference is that I pay them and if I don't like them I pull my kid out. In this situation I'm stuck complaining to my church who then has to say something to the other church and so forth. Blah, blah, blah.
It's ridiculous.

I got an email from my mother that was a conversation between my Pastor and the other Pastor. It said that there would be two adults in the nursery. So I went to church on Sunday. I still wasn't happy about it. I really don't like to say that but I didn't feel anything standing in the house of God. I was mad. I did not send my son to the nursery. My husband and I kept him in the sanctuary with us and tried to entertain him while trying to listen to a sermon. Little E couldn't contain his 2 1/2 year old voice and kept talking loudly.

My husband took him outside for a few minutes. I asked my husband to check in on the nursery and see what was going on in there. The same unreliable nursery attendant and her teen helper were in there again. Were they teaching a lesson? No. What were they doing? Playing. What happened to the Bible lesson? I plan on finding out.

This Thursday the Worship Committee is having a meeting. A meeting that was planned because I want change.
I am on that committee.
The Pastor will be there.
I hope God will be there.

I will need to pray that my fears are answered and the church will find a new nursery attendant. Because if they don't. I will have no choice but to find a new church home. I don't like being that way. I'm not planning on being threatening about it. I have to do what I know and feel is right for my family. For my children.

Thankful Thursday: Little E

Colossians 2:7 Let your roots grow down into him, and let your lives be built on him. Then your faith will grow strong in the truth you were taught, and you will overflow with thankfulness.

This Thursday I am participating in a new meme, Thankful Thursday with The Outdoor Wife. I found her through a new blog I recently stated following, the Layton Family Joy. I say this and truly believe that God leads me to the blogs I find.
Even amongst the heartache in this world I can always find things to be thankful for. For my God is a loving God and he knows my heart.

I am ever so thankful for my son, Little E. After quickly becoming pregnant with him only after two months of trying I was scared, elated and joyful. Scared, because my family would be going from one to two children. This was a life changing event. I was elated and joyful because we were going from a family of three to a family of four! Then the bleeding started. I knew in my mind that something was wrong. But my OB doctor found nothing wrong after many tests and ultrasounds. I was still convinced that I was miscarrying and my doctor didn't have any answers for me. I was a crying, stressed out mess and went looking for another doctor. I needed answers , I couldn't go on without knowing. I found this amazing OB/GYN practice that employed the best midwife you could ask for. After my first appointment, listening to the heartbeat and another round of ultrasounds she reassured me that my baby was okay. Apparently the bleeding I was having was old blood from the uterus closing up. (The blood was dark which is a sign of old blood.) It was nothing to worry about. From that moment I was thankful that I continued on and didn't give up. I had to have faith that God was going to take care of me and the baby. On July 14, 2007 my son was born. A healthy, 9lb 6oz baby boy. With God all things are possible.
I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Philippians 4:13

Why?- Pour Your Heart Out

I wanted to thank everyone who read my post for Pour Your Heart Out last week and was so supportive and genuinely concerned about my little girl's well being. It's tough sometimes to spill the hard stuff and you worry about what people think about you. So this week I am not pouring so much about me.
This Wednesday as I have been doing, I am joining my blog friend Shell over at Things I Can't Say with her weekly meme Pour Your Heart Out.


Last year, when my friend told all of her friends that the baby she was carrying had a life threatening condition I was in shock. Here she was 30 weeks pregnant with her second child, a baby girl, and they find out that the baby has a Diaphragmatic Hernia during a regular ultrasound visit. Knowing this ahead of time before giving birth gave the baby a better chance of living since she would now be delivered via C-section in a neonatal hospital. A few weeks before the scheduled delivery of Angel, my friend's husband S was in a serious motorcycle accident. By the grace of God S lived but endeared many surgeries to save his leg. As if this family wasn't already going through enough, now that.
Angel was born on Oct 13, 2008 at Winnie Palmer Hospital. She was stable and was immediately placed on machines to assist her breathing. Days after birth she went through her first of six surgeries to correct the hernia and many other heart complications. On March 13, 2009 baby Angel gave up her fight and joined Jesus in Heaven.

I wasn't my friend's closest friend but during this time of her life we became close. Those of us who were there for them through the thick and thin and even in between. We were there. Through the triumphs and downfalls.
By reading my friend's MySpace blogs you would think that this really did bring them closer to God. It brought many of us to God maybe not for the reasons that he expected or maybe he did.? But I questioned God. Why? Why did it happen? What was his reason? Whose test was this? I believe that he allows things to happen for reasons that we do not understand. He could have taken her the day she was born but he let her stay here for her parents. Would the outcome have changed if she never took a breath of life?
But I don't think he expected the result that is now. During Angel's hospitalization they regularly attended church, asking for prayers and praying to God for healing. Now? You won't find them in church. I know that you don't have to go to church to praise God or believe in God but they don't live a very Christlike life. I LOVE my friend dearly and I guess I just turn the other cheek when they should be doing better. I can't turn my back on them.
I'm holding onto the hope that by setting a good example of where they should be spiritually that maybe it will change. I give up having a good time on Saturday nights with them because God is more important and I need to go to church. But is that selfish? Is it really showing them anything? It probably makes them think I'm a snob. Who knows. All I know is that whatever God's purpose, I'm still questioning the motive.

Happy Easter

I wanted to let you all know that while I'm away until Monday that.........
and two wonderful chocolate loving children. I will be enjoying some quality time with my babes. We're coloring eggs, making a few German glass eggs, some Rice Krispie Treats among a just to name a few of our Easter weekend delights.


Looking forward to church Sunday morning for our Easter service. Have a blessed holiday and see you next week!

Six Word Saturday

Small blessings, life's biggest encompassed treasures.

2012-Realization

I finally watched the movie 2012. How many of you have seen it? I'm sure several of you got to theater to watch it. I don't get to the theater much. You know. I've got two kids.. no time.. no money for a sitter and and extra 40 bucks to blow at the movies.
Anyways. I'm not sure why it is or was a controversial movie. It's some one's idea of the end of the world. The apocalypse. Sooo. If you're really worried, read the Bible. Read Revelations if you want to know what's going to happen. I've studied it. But that's not the point of this post.

It is a movie. It was a pretty good move actually. I enjoyed the heart wrenching parts of the movie. Sure I enjoyed the action but what keeps me in the moment is the people and their relationships. The main character Jackson, played by John Cusack is a divorced writer who takes his two kids to Yellowstone National Park. This is the start of his realization that things he wrote about in his book are starting to happen.
Anyways. Back to my point of this.
So farther into the movie Jackson has his ex-wife Kate, their two kids and her fiance Gordon and they're on their way to getting on one of the "ships" built by the government. Jackson didn't like her fiance but his son Noah has really looked up to him while Jackson has been on hiatus. It clicked for me. This was one of "those" moments. It really spoke to my heart.
I don't believe in divorce. It is something that I would try to avoid at all costs. But I realized that maybe it's not all that horrible. Not all the time. I'm not saying it would be something for me but I think sometimes it makes greater and better families. It's all about relationships.
Here is this guy Gordon who adds a dynamic to these childrens lives. Their father was out of the picture dealing with his own issues and their mother has met this great guy. He treats the kids like his own children. Having kids is something he always wanted. What better to have two kids that like you back that are not biologically yours? I know that lots of blended families don't work that way. My husband's family is broken. One key reason I don't look at divorce as an option. I see what it put him through. It emotionally scars people. Even more so when the new parent ostracizes you.
But I am trying to have a positive outlook on things we cannot control. What works for you may not work for me but it's ok. When the relationships work it shouldn't matter. The more the merrier. Whatever works.

Yes, My Lord

I thought long and hard about this post. I prayed about it. I'm praying about it now. I hope that it doesn't get misread. Last night I thought God spoke to me. The more I think about it and relive what was said, it was the Holy Spirit.
My husband and I had gone to bed but I wasn't tired yet. I wanted to read something inspiring before I closed my eyes so I grabbed A Cup of Comfort for Women by Colleen Sell. I flipped to the back and read the excerpt titled "Laura: Moving Friends Forever". The point of the short story really isn't the point of this so I won't go into detail. Hubby had been snoring during my reading and after I turned out the light. I nudged him in the side as I always do. Then I said "honey, you're snoring again".
Then a voice. "Oh come on, would you just stop." I was like what? Was that my conscience? No. That was a voice but I thought I heard it in the room. But in that moment I knew I had heard some one speaking to me. In my mind. I thought about what they said to me and decided that I would let my tired husband be. Snoring and all.
So when I finally start listening to the Holy Spirit speak to me and I get a scolding for picking at my husband.


All of us, with unveiled faces, seeing the glory of the Lord as though reflected in a mirror, are being transformed into the same image from one degree of glory to another: for this comes from the Lord, the Spirit. 2 Corinthians 3:18

Feeling the Blessings

I have been so excited even through my days this week. I know the Lord is trying to shine through me even with heartache. This weekend is the first time I will be performing my duties as a Deacon at the church. I have been failing as a dedicated Christian the past few weeks and I am glad to be going to church and feeling the Holy Spirit within me. I know that I am walking in his footsteps.
I feel so good talking about going to church and feel like I shed a weight off my shoulders. It's amazing.

I am so blessed

Last night while I was at Bible Study the group and I were reflecting on a point we were discussing. A few members of the group had missed Sunday service because they were out of town for the holidays. We were talking about how the world is always changing but the Lord never changes and how important it is to witness to others. One of the ladies that had been out of town told us about an experience she had on Sunday. She said that she felt like she missed out not being in church and expressed her feelings to some other people she was with. Those people didn't understand the big deal. They said that you don't have to go to church to be with God or pray to God. After she told us this story it reminded me of something that I had been thinking about that Monday afternoon.
I was cleaning Kay's room and I started to think about when she gets older. That she'll have responsibilities and I hope that she loves God enough to continue going to church when she is a teenager. I hope that if put in a situation where she has to choose going to do something fun on a Sunday or going to church that she chooses God. I hope that it's important to her.

Back to Bible Study. So I told my friend about what she missed on Sunday service during the NOW Testament (this is when all the youth come forward to chat with the Pastor). Our Pastor was talking about the Holy Family and asked Kay if she knew who they were. She remembered that Mary and Joseph were Jesus' parents and said their names. I was so proud! One, because she actually didn't clam up in front of a crowd and two, because she remembered!

I am so blessed by God to have this wonderful child. Blessed to be her mother.