Thursday, April 28, 2011

Red Writing Hood: Not a Fighter

I didn't want to go back there, I was safe behind these walls. Being home I was protected by brick and mortar. The phone rang and I didn't answer it, the answering machine picked up. I tuned out the venomous words that were spoken for me. It didn't matter what they said about me on a machine, it could be easily erased from an answering machine tape with the click of a button. It was going to be a long Christmas Break, it was just the break I needed but never expected.

Just two weeks earlier the eight of us were a group of girls, eighth graders enjoying our friendships. It started out with three of us being close friends together. Julie. Tera. Me.
Inseparable. Best friends.
We each had another close friend and they joined our threesome. We shared lockers together, makeup with each other, traded clothing and spent weekends at each others houses. Lunch at school we had "our table". We sat together. Everyday.

When you have three, some one is going to get left out. Disagreements happen. Girls are viscous. It happens overnight when you're not there to defend yourself. The next morning you go to school and they've decided that you're not their friend anymore.

You hear from some one else in the group that Julie is pissed off with you. You know that the rest of your day is going to suck. It's lunch time and you go to the place you've always sat at with two of the girls from your group. You go to sit down with lunch tray in hand and Tera tells you, "you're not sitting here today". What?!

Julie shows up, she carries herself like she is queen of the lunch room. She looks right through you and gives you a cold, hard stare. The look that tells you you are not worth my time. The classes you share with each of them are more painful. You can't sit at the desk you always have because they have invited some one else there. You find yourself slinking to the back of the room while everyone stares at you. You see them whispering about you.

The locker you once shared with Julie is now being shared between Tera and Julie. You have no choice but to approach her about your books and backpack in her locker. She hears you and after much thought she throws them out on the floor of the hallway. How much worse can this get?

The week before holiday break gives you false hope that you will survive and everyone will make up. Tera and Julie have stopped talking about you and giving you a hard time. You're looking forward to the eighth grade party on Friday during the last two periods of class. But they circle you and your friends Nichole and Brandy.
"You bitch. Why don't you just get lost. I want to kick your ass", Julie spits at you. You're terrified. You're not a fighter.
She is not satisfied anymore with just ignoring you.
"Just leave me alone.", you say. The bell rings for the end of the day and you can't get to the bus fast enough. Julie follows you to the bus, calling you names and pushing you from behind. Stupid. Whore. Slut. You know as soon as you board, you'll be safe. You may not be a fighter but you will not show her your weak. You never cry. Not in front of her.

This week, we want fightin' words.

Write a piece about a fight. What happened? Why? Who "won"? What were the repercussions?

Show us. Use emotion. Description. If it's a fist fight, what did it feel like to hit someone - or be hit? What does it feel like to be screamed at - or get the silent treatment?

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

PYHO:Money Isn't Free

I know that I shouldn't worry about what other people do. I'm supposed to worry about myself and mind my own business. But damn it, this issue that I have, well it burns me. I'm tired of people sticking their hand out and not doing anything to get it. Right now, case in point would be my BIL.

Last night my husband tells me that his brother is tired of his current job right now. What's new? As if I haven't heard this at least a dozen times or more and not just about where he is working now.

I told my husband, "you're wasting your time trying to talk him out of quitting. I know for a fact he has his mind set and you won't change it."

My husband continues to have a texting conversation with his brother trying to convince him to look for another job while still working. That makes more sense.
The conversation ended when my BIL realized that my husband was not going to support his irresponsible idea.

This is what gets under my skin! A person has a perfectly good paying job, yeah maybe the hours suck, but you're getting paid decent money. They's rather just quit, sit on their a$, look like they're trying to find a job and get paid unemployment to do so. But I had my aha moment this morning, yeah in the bathroom, where I always have those epitomes. You cannot collect unemployment in the State of Florida if you quit your job. So when you apply for it and your last employer says, "no he quit", boom you're done. Rejected.

So, now as a Christian woman I shouldn't be saying, "haha, you DA, that's what you get!" I should be saying " you might want to rethink this. You will not get benefits for quitting. " You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make him drink. I know full well, I'm wasting my time. He's been down this road many times, quitting well paying jobs because the going gets rough. Usually not getting unemployment wages, but he got a taste of it a year ago. He was laid off and got unemployment and sat on his butt. So he's thinking, I'll do that again. Summer is right around the corner and I can chill out, hang with my buddies, go ride my motorcycle and get PAID!

Not so fast, brother dear!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

RemembeRED:Going up in Flames

In one evening my life was spiraling out of control and I could do nothing to stop it. One moment I'm smiling and enjoying the evening with a hundred children the next I'm collapsed on the floor of my kitchen sobbing tears. I will never forget that moment in my life when my husband walked out of my life and I was caught off guard.

The emptiness. The fear of the unknown of what the future held for me. I had to collect myself for the children. At that moment my life wasn't about me anymore, it was about the well being of my two innocent children.

I was numb and went through the motions that evening. Baths. Teeth. Brushing hair. Vitamins. Bed time stories. Kisses and hugs.

After that, I couldn't tell you what I did. If I had to guess ,I cried myself to sleep that night. If I even slept that much. I remember being exhausted mentally and physically.

The morning didn't bring much peace to my mind, but I continued through what was expected of me as a mother. I would not let my problems affect their lives. Not then. Not yet. I hoped that he would call and we could work it out before the kids questioned why he wasn't there.

I knew that I couldn't do this alone, but my husband, their father was unreachable.

Not answering my calls.

I did what I was afraid to do. The shame of being a woman whose husband walked out on her is not the label I wanted. But I called my friend,I needed to tell some one. She did not judge me. She listened to my cries and sobs. She was there for me.

I would not have survived that weekend if she had not been there for me. She held me up when I felt that I couldn't go on. She stood by side. She stepped in like a friend, a good friend should do. I am forever grateful for her compassion, love and friendship.

I grew up that weekend and learned a few things about myself. I discovered that when I am weak, that it's okay to ask for help and turn to some one. I realized that I don't always have to have it all together, that no one is perfect. I learned who my true friends are. I learned to let my walls down and open up to others besides just my husband.

This vulnerable time in my life opened doors to friendships that were still in the developing stages. Those friendships are stronger and those women have built me up in ways that I never expected.

I am forever grateful for their presence in my life that weekend and thereafter. I can't imagine where I would be if they had not been there. You find your true friends amidst the flames. When your life is in flames, the ones pulling you out are the ones who love you the most.

This week we want you to recall something in your life that seemed terrible at the time, but looking back, brought you something wonderful.

A positive from a negative experience.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

5QF: Easter

Happy Easter Weekend!
I'm looking forward to a nice family fun filled
weekend. The kids and I dyed our Easter eggs this evening
and they look really cute!
I was going to take the kids to an egg hunt on Saturday but the hubs
didn't want to fight the masses and stand in line to get a few
free eggs filled with candy. So we have decided to go to Sea World .
The best part, this weekend starts the new Shamu show called
Ocean One. We couldn't have timed that better.
The kids don't know the plan, so they'll be excited. Especially
since we skipped seeing Shamu last month because we were so tired of the Believe show.
I won't say this will be a relaxing holiday weekend..
I decided to host Easter dinner at my house for my parents and
the hubs' dad and stepmom. Wish me luck!
Now for some 5QF.

1. What is your favorite Easter tradition? I LOVE hiding the plastic Easter eggs and watching the kids find them. Before having kids, I used to hide them for my niece and nephew and it was so fun! Now watching my 16 yr old niece and 12 yr old nephew is pretty funny, because they get into these drag out arguments when hunting the eggs. Hiding the eggs has been a tradition for my family for years. I remember waiting in the house with all the curtains pulled while my dad would hide the eggs outside. There was always one "golden" egg and one "silver" egg that were prize eggs to find, which were created from tinfoil and paint for the gold one. Those were the days.

2. Are you a "shower" or a "long, hot bath" kind of person? I like to take a long, hot shower and let the spray of water beat on my shoulders. An uninterrupted shower is the best kind, but those are few and far between. For some reason there is always a crisis when I step into the bathroom. So long gone are the days when I can just relax in the shower. I'm lucky if I get to shave my legs without one of the kids calling me.

3. Can you parallel park and if so when is the last time you did it? I sure can. Unlike the people I watch trying to pull straight into one at Walmart. (our Walmart has parallel parking) I wonder how they ever passed the driving test?! I think I parked the van like that about a month ago. It's hard to get one of those spots. Or I could learn to do it like this.

4. What is your favorite Easter candy? Cadbury eggs or Robin Eggs. It's a toss up between those two. I had to stop buying the Robin eggs because I would eat an entire bag in one sitting, I just can't stop.

5. Easter: do you go all out with the Easter Bunny or focus on the religious part of the holiday?
I try to focus on the true meaning of why we celebrate Easter and not go overboard on the bunny. I want my children to know why we celebrate this day and why it is so important. We always attend church service so my children know why we do. Like all the religious holidays, I remind my kids of the true meaning of why it's celebrated and still let them enjoy the "magic" of it.

Safe than Sorry

I take a lot of photos of my kids on my digital camera. I'm really bad about saving the photos to the hard drive on my husband's mac computer. Honestly, I have no idea how to so I have to wait for him to do it. So my 8GB disc had 908 photo files on it from December to April.

I'm semi careful with my disc, making sure to keep it dry, eject it when the computer says it's safe, but I never thought about not carrying it in my pocket. I've carried it in a pouch in my purse and it was fine but something happened to it in my pocket.

Last night I put it back in the camera and tried to take some photos of my dog. One click was all I got. Then it wouldn't work anymore and I thought the battery was dead. I looked at the display and it said CHA instead of a number count. I was like, what??
So I pushed the play button to view my photos and the display read, This Card cannot be used.
OH MY GOD! My stomach sunk. I started sweating, freaking out and needed to turn on my computer. Of course, the darned thing was taking FOREVER to boot up.
I put the card in the sd slot and only heard like a no no no beep. Not the nice bing bong it makes when it recognizes the card.
The computer was not seeing the card, I checked "my computer" and the port was not showing. I pulled out the card, licked (yes, licked) the metal end and slid it back in. Something in the spit worked and the computer recognized it had the card in. I opened the icon and it read, THIS FOLDER IS EMPTY.
I think I went into shock. Normally I would cry, shout and act like a child about a crisis. But I remained calm and tried to think of what to do. Those pictures were on that card and I had to try and recover them.
I Googled "sd card recovery" and clicked the first option. It was fate and I got lucky to find a program that would let you download it's program as an evaluation to attempt to recover lost photos or files. If it didn't work then you were not out the money. It's called winrecovery.
It searched my card and starting downloading the files into a file on it's program and after it's done, you can view the files/photos to ensure that it did it's job. After viewing you then have the option to purchase so you can save the files.
It worked!! It was worth the money to recover photos that were irreplaceable. Memories that would be lost.
Lesson learned? Don't forget to upload photos regularly. We'll see about that. No promises. But I do have a back up plan in the event of an emergency.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

PYHO: Where the Heart is

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

I'm at a crossroads in my spiritual life. As far as I can remember into my childhood, I know that my parents tried to instill religion into my life. They took us to church, Bible camps and Sunday School until I was about ten years old. Then, the hectic lifestyle of them working outside the home six days a week took a toll on us going to Sunday services. It ceased to exist.

I found the love for God again after getting married. I was Baptized the Easter Sunday in 2003 and reconfirmed my faith with Jesus Christ. The Holy Spirit working in me, I have faithfully tried to get my husband to be more committed to God, Christianity and the Bible.

After, nearly losing my marriage my husband and I started fresh in a new church home. The church we were attending was leaving me frustrated. The time and commitment I was putting into it was taking it's toll on my marriage. One of the most sacred things to God, the union of a man and woman.

It is our job to glorify his name, the union of two souls working together to do so.

We left the small church.

My husband and I started attending services at a very large church. The pastor's word spoke to our hearts. His interpretation of the Bible compared to today's lifestyles captured us. I wanted more, I wanted to join groups in this church. We decided to attend a new member class for those who wish to become a member.

The smoke and mirrors were gone. It felt like we were being tested, looked at under a microscope and now I question, is this the place for us? There are bi laws of being a member that I question and can't seem to get past.

My sister in law gave me a good metaphor for how I feel. "The small church you used to go to was like a shoe too small to fit. You chose a larger "shoe", but it's too big. Quit stuffing it with newspaper to make it work. You have to find the right size shoe."

I love the sermons, but is it enough? The kids LOVE their church classes and I will feel terrible pulling them out. Do I swallow my doubts about their requirements and just go forth and be a member? Is this where God wants me? I wish I knew the answers because it's hard to decipher between what God is telling my heart and what my mind is telling me.

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Hello and Goodbye

So I thought that I wanted another dog.
I told the hubs that another puppy is something that
I needed to fill this empty space I
have in my heart. I said I would get another
Jack Russell like our Bella and we would get one this summer.
So the kids and I would be home to spend time
with it.
But after he said yes I got all excited and started
searching the internet for one.
I found an ad and lucky me they had one left.
I drove 45 minutes to see this puppy, telling Little E
I had a surprise.
He wasn't as excited as I was.
Once I saw how
cute she was I knew she was coming home with us.

But only four days into puppyhood
I knew that having a puppy around
wasn't going to work for us.
Trying to make it home in 3 hours to take her to go
potty wasn't possible, the potty training was leaving
me frustrated and not to mention having her admist the flea problem
we were having. It was stressful.
I tried to suck it up but Bella and Hannah we not getting
along like I had hoped. Bella is used to being the only
dog after the loss of Ryelee back in December.
So Friday afternoon I made the choice to find her a new home.
It was quicker than I thought and worked out perfectly.
She went to her new and permanent home this morning.
After the kids woke up this morning, I explained to them where
she went. They took it better than I had feared it would go.
The family she went to was so excited.
I look at it like I was a go between for this dog.
No more animal adventures for me, our house is
full enough.
Happy Trails Hannah.

Friday, April 15, 2011

the Red Dress Club: Phone Call

It was a regular routine evening for my family and I. I felt accomplished with being able to get the kids to bed at a reasonable hour and settled down to read some of my latest book. I lost track of the time after a few hours of page turning drama and woke my husband from his slumber in his recliner. We headed to our room to finish sleeping in our bed. I was over tired by this point and listened to the radio playing softly in the background and drifted off.

Once I fall asleep, I am like the dead. I've told people that I could sleep through a Mack truck driving through my bedroom and not stir. But this evening, it was different.
It woke me immediately. What is that? Is that the phone?

I rub my eyes and look at my alarm clock across the room and see it says 3:35am. I jump up out of the bed and try to grab the phone before the answering machine picks it up. A thousand thoughts run through my head. Are my parents ok? Did my brother in law have another seizure and he's in the hospital? Has some one been in an accident? Or worse, a wrong number maybe.?
"Hello." The voice on the other end of the receiver says. " Tiffany, it's Christina. I am so sorry to call you so late. But I couldn't think of anyone else to call. Honestly I have no one else to call and I need your help."
"Is this a joke? It's 3:35 in the morning and I haven't spoken to you in what, three years. Where are you?"
"I am sitting in my car on the side of the road. I'm terrified. I can't go home, my husband.. he. he.. he's not breathing. There's blood, lots of blood.
"What happened? Did you call 911? " I'm fully awake by this point and I'm pacing the floor in my bedroom. My husband has woken up to question who I am talking to at this hour.
I shoot him a look and mouth the words I'll tell you in a minute.

"No. I can't. I can't do that. If I call them, I'll go to jail. I need your help to figure this out." She is sobbing into the phone now and it's starting to sound irrational.

"What do you want me to do?" By this point I'm thinking she's crazy. Why would she want to involve me in something unlawful. I'm debating whether to hang up because it sounds like a sick joke. " I really think you need to calm down and call the police. What did you do Christine?"

"We were having an argument and I grabbed his gun. He has always said that it was unloaded. I.. I don't know anything about guns. I was crying and he was yelling and I pointed it at him. I didn't know.. I didn't know." She is uncontrollably sobbing now and if I don't get her to calm down this may get worse. Where is the gun now? What is she thinking? Is she going to hurt herself?
I need to get her to calm down and get answers soon before some one else gets hurt.

"Ok, so what happened next?" I have to remain calm so I can find out what her address is and get some help to her husband. This is far beyond what I'm used to dealing with but she called me for a reason.

"He was telling me to put it down but I was so scared. I knew if I did he was going to get really mad after wards. Then he stepped forward and I pulled the trigger. I expected a click. I wanted to shock him.. I just wanted to scare him. Oh what have I done??!! Oh my God!!"

Then the phone clicks.

"Hello.. Hello Christine?? Christine??!"
Then the beep beep beeping of a disconnected line.

This story is a fictional story written for the prompt "In the middle of the night, you get an urgent call from a friend you haven’t talked to in years. Something terrible has happened. What is it and why is he/she calling you?" for the red dress club. Comments are welcome and constructive criticism is encouraged. What could have I done different? Did you like it? I am trying to stretch my wings in the fictional writing.

Monday, April 11, 2011

What I've been doing

I can't seem to remember the last time I posted something. I have been so busy keeping my mind busy these past few days amongst all the hell I feel like I've been through. It's completely exhausting. It started last Friday, 11 days ago when I found fleas...yes fleas on my dog Bella. Completely grossed out I immediately bathed her and applied Frontline on her. I checked the cat ( my indoor cat) and yes he had them too. I quarantined him in the garage and headed for Petco.

I was in such a rush because this was going on 4:45 and Miss K had a Science Night at her school that evening starting at 5:50pm and Little E was taking a nap. I spent $100 in Advantage for cats, flea spray for the house and powder for rugs. A small fortune. This was only the beginning.

I called my pest control guy and left him a message asking him to come out ASAP that we were having a flea issue.

He came out Monday morning and had I known that he was going to require the house be vacated for 2 hours I would have taken a shower that morning. So I had to pack up Little E and I in 15 minutes and leave. I was amidst laundry piles, house cleaning and entertaining my son.
The plug got pulled on that.
That afternoon I did body checks on the cat and dog and lo and behold, Bella still had fleas! I couldn't retreat her with Frontline so I called the vet. They recommended a pill she could take by mouth and it would start working within an hour. Well, after running 2 kids to the vets office and forcing the dog to eat this pill, 30 minutes later it reappeared. Certainly not the way it went in. Fifteen dollars down the toilet. I called the vet and they said I would need to try again.

Tuesday we tried again with a new pill and I tricked Bella and fed it to her into pieces of expensive roast beef. She has been flea free since then.

So all this last week I played catch up on getting my chores done in between working, cooking, chauffeuring Miss K to school and dance classes and everything else in between. Then I got a brainiac idea and carpet cleaned my living room rug on Wednesday afternoon.
Halfway through it I realized how STUPID I was. Now the bug killer on my carpets was gone!!! I called my pest guy and he confirmed the bad news. So he was supposed to call me today to reschedule a retreatment this week but he never called. I told him I would pay again.

So to add fuel to my fires. I got another dog. Yep, I need my head examined. Seriously. If you're counting we still only have two dogs even with the newest addition. We realized we were NOT big dog people and my brother in law gave our hound dog a permanent home. So before welcoming this new pup into the house I bathed her and flea powdered her. But today I discovered she has fleas. Here we go again!

I cannot get her the fancy little pill from the vet because she has not been there for her shots yet. So off to Walmart to get flea dip. I have not dipped a dog in years!! That stuff burns like hell! I got some on my arm and oh my goodness! IS that was it does to the fleas??! Yikes!

I've been paranoid about the bugs. I feel like they're crawling on me. Seriously they have only been on the animals and I would say we've had 20-25 on each dog. My pest control guy has reassured me that it's not a serious case and the growth regulator he has applied on the carpets will kill the cycle, in conjunction with the stuff we used on the animals we should be good now. He along with the lady at Petco both told me that this is the worst year for fleas. I have NEVER had them on my animals. One here or there, but not like this.

So you can see what I've been dealing with. Yuck.

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

RemembeRED:Nothing Compares 2 U

I sometimes find myself searching through the radio stations when I can't find a good song on my favorite stations. I settle on one of the mixed stations that play music from the 80's to current albums. I'll land on a good Pearl Jam song or maybe even Carrie Underwood and enjoy the white noise in the background that cuts out the arguing between the kids.

It doesn't happen too often anymore but I'll start to hear the distinct tune and that unforgettable voice of Sinead O Connor and I don't let the song get too far and I switch the station. I can't bear to hear the music let alone the lyrics.
It's been seven hours and fifteen days........ Since u took your love away........ I go out every night and sleep all day........... Since u took your love away ....

The song Nothing Compares 2 U is one of those songs to tears deep to my heart. It has been twenty one years and it still brings me back to the day that I chose it to cry to every time I listened to it. I wanted to feel the pain then. I wanted to shed those tears for the loss of my first love. We experienced so many highs and lows in our erratic relationship that when it was finally over, I felt like my life was over.

I know that looking back now that I was very young and naive and it's impossible to feel like your life is over when you realize that the person you truly loved has left you. But hearing that song still brings on the painful emotions that I can't listen to it. I don't want to be brought to that place in my life through that song. I closed the door on the past in my life, good or bad.

This week, your memoir prompt assignment is to think of a sound or a smell the reminds you of something from your past and write a post about that memory. Don't forget to incorporate the sound/smell of your choosing!

Friday, April 1, 2011

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

Ultimate Blog Party 2011

I can't believe that it's already that time again for the Ultimate Blog Party 2011 hosted by 5 Minutes for Mom!! I joined for the first time last year and it was great to meet new blogs and make new friends. Not to mention the daily activities, Twitter parties and fabulous prizes they are offering. It is a ingenious way to bring thousands of blogs together to join in on some fun!

Welcome to my blog, My Crazy Kind of Wonderful my home away from home so to speak. My name is Tiffany, I’m a 30 something mom to two wonderful, beautiful blessings who define how I am as a mother and a wife to a patient, loving husband who lets me be just me. I love cooking new recipes and making up my own, organizing, cleaning and meal planning. I take pride in my faith with Christianity and teaching my children the love of God. My desire is to raise Christ loving, well rounded citizens out of my children.

For the newcomers and my regular readers I'm going to give you a flashback of random posts from the past year that give you a better idea of who I am and what I have going on in my OCD brain. Posts about my faith in God or when I questioned not discussing parenting roles with the hubs. ( my pen name for my partner in crime) I post about my struggles with friendships and why I think that the friends you have when you're a child pave the road for insecurities in life.

I love writing about my children that I have been blessed to protect, mother and spoil rotten.

I love challenging myself in my ability to write and like to participate in a few weekly memes that give me that chance. I recently started joining in writing at the red dress club and find the positive and constructive criticism a great way to better my writing. I like the idea of a suggestion or a prompt to write about, because when I'm having writer's block it's simpler. My other favorite meme, The Writer's Workshop has been a favorite of mine with it's weekly prompts to choose from that challenge my mind. One of my longest and most fun WW posts was 100 things about me, my bucket list.

Blogging has been one of the greatest things I ever started doing. When I talk about my blog to other people some question why? and why would you tell people you don't know things about your life? Because when it's hard in real life to reach people who really understand, my blog is an outlet for others to read and relate. I enjoy the friendships I have made, some very wonderful ladies out there who let me know that I am important and not alone. That they are there when I need to cry, laugh, vent or share a secret. Blogging for me is a safe place to tell it all. Like or not.

I hope to meet some more great and wonderful fellow bloggers during the party. We're all in this together.

Just sit back and enjoy the ride!!