RemembeRED: Conjure

I could feel it coursing through my veins. With every beat of my heart, I could hear the sound inside my quiet eardrums.

The thumping growing louder in my chest. Da dump, da dump. Da dump.

Like the moment a needle hits the vein, the feeling had taken over me. It was in control and my actions of the situation depended on my full control. It would guide me but not maneuver me. 

My mind raced with many emotions all at once but I needed to stay focused on what had to be done.

My instinct took over and I calculated what the outcome should be. You could see it in my eyes. The tone of my voice had changed from a low to that of a rabid animal.

The emotion was raw, like an open wound. It easily surfaced.

I would not let what others had done to me, be repeated with my offspring. Their well being depended on my course of action. I would not stand by and witness it anymore. 

RemembeRED: The Beach

It was my sophomore year of high school. I was back on track, focusing on my school work after falling apart my freshman year. Science was one of my favorite subjects and I was currently taking Zoology.
Half way through the year our teacher announced that we would be going on a field trip to St. Augustine Beach. Our class and several of the other science classes would be going together. We would be exploring marine life and the eco system. I was pretty excited about this because one of my best friends, who was in another class, would be going too.
I'm not sure what it is about bus rides for me, but I always seem to find some boy to adore. I saw him in the back of the bus. Attractive. A "baby face". Eyes that captured your heart. I wanted to meet him.
The buses pulled up along side the beach side parking. We unloaded and I didn't rush off the bus. I wanted to make sure he noticed me too. Without making it too obvious I exited my seat just a few people ahead of him.
The teachers were organizing us into small groups of ten students. I got lucky and was in a group with him. I was still nervous. He wasn't paying that much attention to me, he was listening to the teacher give us instructions. Something I should have been doing. I don't even know to this day what we were instructed to do.
The beach was empty except for our groups. We headed to the large rocks that were onshore. Climbing up them was not an easy task. Opportunity number one. I asked him if he could give me a hand up. Without much thought, he gave me his hand. Butterflies in my stomach. My heart was racing.
The rest of our trip continued that way. I took advantage of any opportunity to talk to him or ask him for help. He was enjoying the attention. The attraction between us was growing. As much as he tried to concentrate on the sea life growing on the sides of the rocks, he couldn't keep his attention off me long.
Opportunity number two. When it was time to load up to leave I changed seats and sat next to him. I wanted to get to know who this guy was who had captured my heart. His name was Shane.
Ah, Shane.

This weeks prompt for the Red Dress Club was to write about School trips. We all go on them. What trip do you remember the most? Where did you go? Who was with you? How did you get there? Have you ever been back?

Write a memoir post about a memorable school trip.

RemembeRED:I crawled

We partied the night away, my best friend Keri and I. Dancing. Drinking. Moving our barely clothed bodies on the dance floor among the other hundreds of other party goers. It was a regular Saturday night ritual after working a long day.
Ladies night. Free well drinks. We mixed our free drinks with shots of vodka. Vodka and lemon juice. Those lemon drops always went down so easy. Followed by sucking the sugar coated lemon wedge. Before you realize it, you're pretty well tipsy. Well past tipsy.
I get caught up in the moment. The laughter and fun. My mind losing rationality and forgetting how many drinks I have consumed.
The evening is winding down. Time to leave the club while we still have enough sense to remember where we parked the car.

The cool night air hits me and it refreshes the senses. We giggle and laugh as we walk to the parking lot. I'm giggling like a kid again. Forgetting about the long week for awhile.
I don't remember the ride home, thankfully I'm the passenger and Keri is driving us home. I enter my parents quiet house. They are asleep. It is two in the morning.

I undress and drop my clothes on the floor, slipping a t-shirt over my head. I crawl into the cool sheets of my water bed. My room is almost quiet except for the sound of my overhead fan whirring. I would have been okay laying there letting my head spin while I closed my eyes. But I moved and rolled over to clear my head. Uh oh.

I rush to the bathroom and wrap my arms around the cool, porcelain rim and the contents of my evenings drinks spill into the toilet water. That sucked. If I had only not moved, I would have been in control of the spinning in my head. I crawled back to my bed.

The first time I crawled after drinking.


*The prompt for this week's remembeRED post....It's a fill-in-the-blank-for-your-own-prompt Prompt: The first time I ________-ed after _________-ing. This is a true story of a time I went out drinking with a best friend of mine after I turned 21. It seems so long ago that this was a regular time of my life.

RemembeRED

My boyfriend decided he wanted to get a tattoo. It was his first one and a friend had suggested he go to the same guy he used. The tattoo guy was supposed to be reasonable and he was in the next city in the next county.
We pulled up to the house and it looked a little run down. What kind of guy does tattoos from his house. Being naive and young in love I went along with my love. I wanted to be there to see his first one.
It hit me like a ton of bricks when the guy opened the door. The smoke in the house was like a warm haze. The lights were dim through out the house and you could see the smoke like a large cloud in the room. We followed the guy through the house into his tattoo "parlor".
I hoped it would get better once we entered the room. Hoping for cleaner air. It should be sanitary when using needles. Not so much. It was just as smoky in the room.
I did my best to stifle my coughs and utter repulsiveness of the smoky smell from burning cigarettes inside a house. It didn't help that the house smelled like a humane society with cat urine. Cigarettes and cat urine. My eyes burned. It was like the moisture was sucked out by the smoke.
I don't remember how many hours I stood in that room watching...waiting... for them to finish his tattoo. It felt like forever.When I finally was able to escape the smoky hell, I breathed in like I had been drowning. I couldn't get home fast enough that night. The anticipation of a hot shower to remove the stench from my skin and hair. My clothes reeked that night. I don't know which was worse. The urine or the smoke.
I have never forgotten that evening and the sight and smell of it.

It's time for another image prompt.

Write about the first (or second) memory that comes to mind when you see this:

Red Writing Hood: Not a Fighter

I didn't want to go back there, I was safe behind these walls. Being home I was protected by brick and mortar. The phone rang and I didn't answer it, the answering machine picked up. I tuned out the venomous words that were spoken for me. It didn't matter what they said about me on a machine, it could be easily erased from an answering machine tape with the click of a button. It was going to be a long Christmas Break, it was just the break I needed but never expected.

Just two weeks earlier the eight of us were a group of girls, eighth graders enjoying our friendships. It started out with three of us being close friends together. Julie. Tera. Me.
Inseparable. Best friends.
We each had another close friend and they joined our threesome. We shared lockers together, makeup with each other, traded clothing and spent weekends at each others houses. Lunch at school we had "our table". We sat together. Everyday.

When you have three, some one is going to get left out. Disagreements happen. Girls are viscous. It happens overnight when you're not there to defend yourself. The next morning you go to school and they've decided that you're not their friend anymore.

You hear from some one else in the group that Julie is pissed off with you. You know that the rest of your day is going to suck. It's lunch time and you go to the place you've always sat at with two of the girls from your group. You go to sit down with lunch tray in hand and Tera tells you, "you're not sitting here today". What?!

Julie shows up, she carries herself like she is queen of the lunch room. She looks right through you and gives you a cold, hard stare. The look that tells you you are not worth my time. The classes you share with each of them are more painful. You can't sit at the desk you always have because they have invited some one else there. You find yourself slinking to the back of the room while everyone stares at you. You see them whispering about you.

The locker you once shared with Julie is now being shared between Tera and Julie. You have no choice but to approach her about your books and backpack in her locker. She hears you and after much thought she throws them out on the floor of the hallway. How much worse can this get?

The week before holiday break gives you false hope that you will survive and everyone will make up. Tera and Julie have stopped talking about you and giving you a hard time. You're looking forward to the eighth grade party on Friday during the last two periods of class. But they circle you and your friends Nichole and Brandy.
"You bitch. Why don't you just get lost. I want to kick your ass", Julie spits at you. You're terrified. You're not a fighter.
She is not satisfied anymore with just ignoring you.
"Just leave me alone.", you say. The bell rings for the end of the day and you can't get to the bus fast enough. Julie follows you to the bus, calling you names and pushing you from behind. Stupid. Whore. Slut. You know as soon as you board, you'll be safe. You may not be a fighter but you will not show her your weak. You never cry. Not in front of her.






This week, we want fightin' words.

Write a piece about a fight. What happened? Why? Who "won"? What were the repercussions?

Show us. Use emotion. Description. If it's a fist fight, what did it feel like to hit someone - or be hit? What does it feel like to be screamed at - or get the silent treatment?

RemembeRED:Going up in Flames

In one evening my life was spiraling out of control and I could do nothing to stop it. One moment I'm smiling and enjoying the evening with a hundred children the next I'm collapsed on the floor of my kitchen sobbing tears. I will never forget that moment in my life when my husband walked out of my life and I was caught off guard.

The emptiness. The fear of the unknown of what the future held for me. I had to collect myself for the children. At that moment my life wasn't about me anymore, it was about the well being of my two innocent children.

I was numb and went through the motions that evening. Baths. Teeth. Brushing hair. Vitamins. Bed time stories. Kisses and hugs.

After that, I couldn't tell you what I did. If I had to guess ,I cried myself to sleep that night. If I even slept that much. I remember being exhausted mentally and physically.

The morning didn't bring much peace to my mind, but I continued through what was expected of me as a mother. I would not let my problems affect their lives. Not then. Not yet. I hoped that he would call and we could work it out before the kids questioned why he wasn't there.

I knew that I couldn't do this alone, but my husband, their father was unreachable.

Not answering my calls.

I did what I was afraid to do. The shame of being a woman whose husband walked out on her is not the label I wanted. But I called my friend,I needed to tell some one. She did not judge me. She listened to my cries and sobs. She was there for me.

I would not have survived that weekend if she had not been there for me. She held me up when I felt that I couldn't go on. She stood by side. She stepped in like a friend, a good friend should do. I am forever grateful for her compassion, love and friendship.

I grew up that weekend and learned a few things about myself. I discovered that when I am weak, that it's okay to ask for help and turn to some one. I realized that I don't always have to have it all together, that no one is perfect. I learned who my true friends are. I learned to let my walls down and open up to others besides just my husband.

This vulnerable time in my life opened doors to friendships that were still in the developing stages. Those friendships are stronger and those women have built me up in ways that I never expected.

I am forever grateful for their presence in my life that weekend and thereafter. I can't imagine where I would be if they had not been there. You find your true friends amidst the flames. When your life is in flames, the ones pulling you out are the ones who love you the most.




This week we want you to recall something in your life that seemed terrible at the time, but looking back, brought you something wonderful.

A positive from a negative experience.

the Red Dress Club: Phone Call

It was a regular routine evening for my family and I. I felt accomplished with being able to get the kids to bed at a reasonable hour and settled down to read some of my latest book. I lost track of the time after a few hours of page turning drama and woke my husband from his slumber in his recliner. We headed to our room to finish sleeping in our bed. I was over tired by this point and listened to the radio playing softly in the background and drifted off.

Once I fall asleep, I am like the dead. I've told people that I could sleep through a Mack truck driving through my bedroom and not stir. But this evening, it was different.
It woke me immediately. What is that? Is that the phone?

I rub my eyes and look at my alarm clock across the room and see it says 3:35am. I jump up out of the bed and try to grab the phone before the answering machine picks it up. A thousand thoughts run through my head. Are my parents ok? Did my brother in law have another seizure and he's in the hospital? Has some one been in an accident? Or worse, a wrong number maybe.?
"Hello?"
"Hello." The voice on the other end of the receiver says. " Tiffany, it's Christina. I am so sorry to call you so late. But I couldn't think of anyone else to call. Honestly I have no one else to call and I need your help."
"Is this a joke? It's 3:35 in the morning and I haven't spoken to you in what, three years. Where are you?"
"I am sitting in my car on the side of the road. I'm terrified. I can't go home, my husband.. he. he.. he's not breathing. There's blood, lots of blood.
"What happened? Did you call 911? " I'm fully awake by this point and I'm pacing the floor in my bedroom. My husband has woken up to question who I am talking to at this hour.
I shoot him a look and mouth the words I'll tell you in a minute.

"No. I can't. I can't do that. If I call them, I'll go to jail. I need your help to figure this out." She is sobbing into the phone now and it's starting to sound irrational.

"What do you want me to do?" By this point I'm thinking she's crazy. Why would she want to involve me in something unlawful. I'm debating whether to hang up because it sounds like a sick joke. " I really think you need to calm down and call the police. What did you do Christine?"

"We were having an argument and I grabbed his gun. He has always said that it was unloaded. I.. I don't know anything about guns. I was crying and he was yelling and I pointed it at him. I didn't know.. I didn't know." She is uncontrollably sobbing now and if I don't get her to calm down this may get worse. Where is the gun now? What is she thinking? Is she going to hurt herself?
I need to get her to calm down and get answers soon before some one else gets hurt.

"Ok, so what happened next?" I have to remain calm so I can find out what her address is and get some help to her husband. This is far beyond what I'm used to dealing with but she called me for a reason.

"He was telling me to put it down but I was so scared. I knew if I did he was going to get really mad after wards. Then he stepped forward and I pulled the trigger. I expected a click. I wanted to shock him.. I just wanted to scare him. Oh what have I done??!! Oh my God!!"

Then the phone clicks.

"Hello.. Hello Christine?? Christine??!"
Then the beep beep beeping of a disconnected line.




This story is a fictional story written for the prompt "In the middle of the night, you get an urgent call from a friend you haven’t talked to in years. Something terrible has happened. What is it and why is he/she calling you?" for the red dress club. Comments are welcome and constructive criticism is encouraged. What could have I done different? Did you like it? I am trying to stretch my wings in the fictional writing.

RemembeRED:Forgiveness

I stared at the computer screen, dumbfounded at what I was reading. The harsh words cutting at my heart. What did I do to receive this anger? I was crying.
This was the first time I had been pulled into one of my oldest brother's tirades against my parents. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my own mother had blamed me for her mistake. She was attacked in the same email that was sent to myself, my mom and my dad and played the shocked card. My father who has quite a temper himself, blew it off calling my brother an a**hole.
Instead of begging or blaming anyone I wrote him back a nasty response to his email. That afternoon I received a hurtful response and I decided that I was done with him and his family. I was confused and had enough emotions going on that he had no idea about anyways. Sadly, my parents fed me their thoughts on the situation which didn't make it any better. My dad, who I am more like emotionally, continued to tell me that I should not apologize before my brother did.

Months passed by and my parents had made amends with my brother but I held my ground. I was not going to give in to such behavior without an apology from him first. To make my heart ache more, I was expecting my second child and was not able to share the joy with my brother and his family. I was too proud to let him get away with treating me so badly even to share my good news with them even of it hurt me.
My baby shower passed without having my sister in law and niece attend because I was not ready to speak to them. Little E was born and I finally broke down and called my brother. He knew that my son had been born but I wanted to share my joy with his family personally. I knew that I had not made a mistake to cause his anger but I was going to forgive him anyways. Family is very important to me and I was willing to take the first step to bring ours back together.

Forgiving him for the venomous words he said that day was one of the best things I did.


This post was written for the Red Dress Club Tuesday prompt. This week's prompt is about forgiveness. Forgiving others, forgiving yourself. Write about a time of forgiveness.