Tuesday, March 22, 2011


I stared at the computer screen, dumbfounded at what I was reading. The harsh words cutting at my heart. What did I do to receive this anger? I was crying.
This was the first time I had been pulled into one of my oldest brother's tirades against my parents. Unbeknownst to me at the time, my own mother had blamed me for her mistake. She was attacked in the same email that was sent to myself, my mom and my dad and played the shocked card. My father who has quite a temper himself, blew it off calling my brother an a**hole.
Instead of begging or blaming anyone I wrote him back a nasty response to his email. That afternoon I received a hurtful response and I decided that I was done with him and his family. I was confused and had enough emotions going on that he had no idea about anyways. Sadly, my parents fed me their thoughts on the situation which didn't make it any better. My dad, who I am more like emotionally, continued to tell me that I should not apologize before my brother did.

Months passed by and my parents had made amends with my brother but I held my ground. I was not going to give in to such behavior without an apology from him first. To make my heart ache more, I was expecting my second child and was not able to share the joy with my brother and his family. I was too proud to let him get away with treating me so badly even to share my good news with them even of it hurt me.
My baby shower passed without having my sister in law and niece attend because I was not ready to speak to them. Little E was born and I finally broke down and called my brother. He knew that my son had been born but I wanted to share my joy with his family personally. I knew that I had not made a mistake to cause his anger but I was going to forgive him anyways. Family is very important to me and I was willing to take the first step to bring ours back together.

Forgiving him for the venomous words he said that day was one of the best things I did.

This post was written for the Red Dress Club Tuesday prompt. This week's prompt is about forgiveness. Forgiving others, forgiving yourself. Write about a time of forgiveness.


Tylaine said...

That was beautiful Tiffany. It really is true that sometimes not forgiving someone hurts only ourselves and that it can be so freeing to forgive in our hearts.

amygrew said...

It is so hard to be the bigger person! I really struggle with that. I am sure it is nice to have your family back together!

Anonymous said...

What a touching story. I know how hard family fights can be.

I liked the way you began the story, explaining your feelings as you read the email. I think that's an effective technique to help draw the reader in. I'd love to hear how you felt at other parts in the story--I'm sure the emotions were deep.

Thank you for sharing this personal moment.

Visiting from TRDC

Andrea (ace1028) said...

It can be SO hard to let go. Especially when you believe you were the one wronged, that you did nothing to deserve the pain inflicted on you by someone just because. It hurts a lot, but sometimes it hurts more to hang on. I'm glad you've been able to move past it.

Kim said...

It takes a lot of forgiveness to be the bigger person. It's hard and sometimes feels counterintuitive but it's usually rewarding.

Galit Breen said...

Family stuff is so very tricky, isn't it?

I love the way you came full circle here on your own. You left the ball in your own court, not trying to control your brother's behavior. That was very wise of you.

I really liked this line: "I was too proud to let him get away with treating me so badly even to share my good news with them even of it hurt me." for its sheer honesty and transparency.

Life with Kaishon said...

Forgiving is freeing.
I am glad you decided to do that. God bless.

Shell said...

There is really nothing like family- their ability to hurt us...or to forgive.

Anonymous said...

These situations are really tough. But you were the bigger person. I like that you left out what the issue was, how the reconciliation went. The fact that it happened, that you made your choice, was the point all along. Good job.
Came by from TRDC.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes we have to forgive family. They are capable of saying things that rip us in two, but will rush to our sides when we need support and love.

Erica M. said...

I agree with Galit. Family stuff is very tricky. I'm hoping you continue to work through things with your brother.

Jenna said...

I know it was hard to reach out and forgive, but Im glad you decided to, when you were ready. Its important that it be genuine, you know?