RememRED:Being Five Again

"Good afternoon to you, good afternoon to you, we're all in our places with bright shiny faces, good afternoon to you Mrs. Harkenreider"! How I can still remember this song I used to sing almost 30 years ago is beyond me. I have such fond memories from my first year of school in Kindergarten. It was the last year they did half day for Kindergarten and I went to school in the afternoons. I spent every school day with my mom in the mornings, ate lunch before school and rode a big yellow s hooligan bus.

The first day was pretty tragic, I ran down the isle of the bus trying to watch my mom stand there as the bus pulled away and found myself in tears because she didn't seed me waving her goodbye. I think that was the only time I cried.
I carried a yellow daffy duck shoulder bag everyday to class. I remember when my mom brought it home for me. I was nervous and was shy about taking it from her. I still remember being careful to not lose it, not as careful about leaving my jacket or sweater on the bus several times throughout the year. I made sure I clutched that bag like my life depended on it.

I will forever remember being in my first play. It was the alphabet and I was Tall T. I thought I got the letter T because of my name starting with a T but I think it was the luck of the draw. I got to wear tights, a leotard and a cardboard cut out T that was painted with shiny silver paint. I was so proud! My mother still has Polaroid photos of this day. The smile on my face is priceless.

I had my first crush on a red headed freckle faced boy named Billy. I used to bring him pennies to school. Don't ask me why, I have no clue. My mother still remembers that boy too. She came on a field trip with my class to Publix grocery store and I held his hand the whole time. It was puppy love.


Ah the days of carefree life. School had no worries. It was full of crafts, playing musical chairs, making home made doughnuts, recess, learning to write your name and being able to survive the next year in first grade. Such fond memories from my past.

Writer's Workshop-Inspire

4.) What inspired you this week?

a~my two beautiful blessings

The desire to change my attitude and outlook on life is different. I decided that I didn't want to be dependent on medicine anymore, for many reasons. Not just because the side effects have been a pain in the rear or almost worse than what good they are doing for me, but because I am tired of feeling like I'm in a cloud sitting with a happy face on. I couldn't wait for my three month check up to come fast enough so I weaned myself off one of the anti-depressants myself.
My doctor visit was this morning and the visit went like it always has and then I dropped the bomb on my doc. I told him I wanted to stop the meds. He wasn't shocked like I was worried that would happen. He was very reassuring and glad that my self removal of one went well and I was handling the stress fine. He said it would be very easy to stop taking the other and it about twelve days I will be medicine free.
I know that being without the medicine, some of my issues can and possibly will resurface and I am seeking a counselor to work through my issues. I'm not scared and extremely excited about this new step in a new direction of controlling my life.
I want to be the new me that I seek. The person who can handle stressful situations with a level head and not blow things out of proportion. I want to be able to enjoy the things in life and learn to control my OCP ( Obsessive Controling Personality) and channel that obsessive in a more positive way. I am tired of suppressing that part of me. It is who I am. I am not expecting a miracle and this will not come over night but I'm headed in the right direction. I know that God is on my side and I have faith that he is leading me there.


This post was inspired by Mama Kat's Weekly Writer's Workshop.

I also decided that this was something I wanted to Pour my Heart Out about, since I shared my doubts about being on meds back on a previous PYHO. Thank you to all of you who were understanding and sincere about my choice.

5QF: 02/25/11

I think I say this every week, I can't believe it's FRIDAY already??! Where does the week go? I love when Thursday afternoon rolls around. I work Thursday mornings and after picking up Miss K from school I have the next four, YES four days off from going into the family business. The only thing that I have to worry about is getting Miss K to school on Fridays and then the weekend is mine.
This weekend we are starting our back yard garden. I'm looking forward to planting some summer squash, tomatoes, carrots, onions and cucumbers. I'm not looking forward to building the boxes for the beds but it will be well worth it.

Enough about my weekend! So onto some 5QF from Mama M!!

1. Can you drive a stick shift? Sure can! My mom taught me when I was 16 in my dad's Nissan pickup truck. She would come pick me up from work in the evenings and we would go to a vacant parking lot. Those were some good times!! It was so hilarious when I would try to shuft gears and the truck would buck and do that wrrroomm, wrooomm. Good times.


2. What are two foods you just can't eat? Brussel sprouts.. I hated them as a kid and I hate them now. I just can't get over that awful taste. I even tried smothering them in velveeta cheese. And the other food I dislike is celery. I cannot see how anyone can smother a stalk in peanut butter and crunch away. No thanks!


3. Do you buy Girl Scout Cookies? What is your favorite kind?
Yes I do! Even as expensive as they are I still buy them. This year we already bought six boxes!!! My favorite are the Thank You's. They are sooo good. Hubs says they are the same as Keebler grahams with fudge but I disagree. They have the flavor of windmill cookies with that yummy fudge on the back. "Thank You" girl scouts for coming up with a cookie that I LOVE!

4. How do you pamper yourself?
Getting a pedicure and my eyebrows waxed. But that has only been a dream because it's been WAY too long since I have been. The best I have gotten in pampering is taking an extra long shower with the shower head on massage beating on my neck. Sad, I know. The life of a part time working, stay at home mom with one kid in a handful of dance classes.


5. What is your nickname and how did you get it?
Teenie. When my first niece starting talking she couldn't say my name and Teenie was what she first called me. We kept the name even after she got older and she just turned 16 this past January. My other nieces and nephews even call me Teenie and my sister in law (who is the mom to my niece who first called me that) calls me Teenie. It's funny, because body wise, I don't feel like a Teenie. It's cool.

Feeling froggy?? Check out Mama M at My Little Life and join in on the Five Question Friday carnival.

Pour Your Heart Out: Hiding Behind the Proud

I know this is a day late, but I wanted to link up this week.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

I have avoided posting about this because of fear. Fear about what others might think about me. Fear that I will be judged. But this is who I am and who I was.
Do you what it's like to not be able to control yourself? It starts with something agitating you and then you lose your temper. But it doesn't stop there, it boils over and before you know it everything around you scratches at you and you lash out at anyone in your path. Not physically, but verbally lashing. When it's all over and you've calmed down, you feel guilt. HUGE GUILT. You apologize and those that you have affected accept your apology and you go on. You say it won;t happen again, but it does. Again and again and again.
It gets worse, each time escalating into more. And before you know it, you don't who you are. Who is this person that I am or have become? You tell yourself that you're going to stop being that way. You pray to God that he will give you the strength to control yourself. Then something happens, you're running late to work and you lash out and scream at everyone. You blame God for not giving you the strength and will power to hold yourself together. You blame everyone else for making the problems. If only the kids moved faster and didn't dawdle in the morning. If only that guy in the car in front of you would go faster, you wouldn't have to get mad. It's their fault, not yours. Spiraling out of control you finally break down and go against what you didn't want to do. Get medical help.
After one awful morning of running late, yelling at the kids you finally make the call. Practically in tears with the receptionist you tell them why you want to see the doctor. She fits you an appointment that morning. You breath a sigh of relief that you might finally be able to end the chaos, the rage.
The doctor prescribes you with some medicine and schedules you for a follow up appointment in one month. After two weeks on the pills, you actually feel normal. Things that once bothered you don't seem to matter as much but there is still an edginess to certain occurrences. You see the doctor again and he increases your dosage and adds more pills. After a week of taking the new combination you notice that life is better enjoyed. That your kids don't have that look of worry on their faces when they spill milk all over the table. You actually laugh at the spectacle of spilled milk dripping on the floor.
Is this what normal is? Why was it so hard to admit that I had a problem that I couldn't solve myself? That I needed help. Was I too proud?

A place in my heart

Do you ever wonder who your "real" friends are? I don't think about it too much because it might be just a waste of time. I have had a few recent incidents that gave me reason to reflect on this subject. My sister in law is turning 30 this month and I wanted to make sure the day was celebrated with friends. When I turned 30 four years ago she threw me a party at her house which really was special for me. She invited a few a my friends and several of her friends. I thought the least I could do was try and give her the same kind of thing.
I called her husband about what he had planned and pretty much as far as he had gotten was getting a sitter and going to dinner. I was hoping to keep my ideas a secret but he spoke to her about it. So she and I exchanged some text messages about ideas and she wasn't sure our friends would come. I asked her why not and she said they didn't come to her party last year. I told her " you plan the party, invite them and if they don't come, then eff em." (MY exact words) I told her that they have done the same crap to me. But when the tables are turned and they invite us to something they EXPECT us to show up. And if we don't we get the guilt trip. Friends don't treat friends like that.
I have come to realize, well.. I've known this for awhile...they are not TRUE friends. It really doesn't matter to me anymore. Years ago I would have wept that these people didn't like me and I was lonely and would have done anything to hang with them. Not anymore. I don't have time to waste on petty crap. I think when I met these "friends" that they were different people or at least I thought they were different people and since the years have gone by I have grown apart from them.
It's like that poem..Friends for a reason, a season, a lifetime a year. You know the one? They were stepping stones. They were there when I needed them and they needed me. I have found many more friends and great people from being friends with them. I would not have met two of my best friends if I had not met them. It was meant to be. It's funny how things like that happen.
I have found some real friends through the paths and relationships with other friends. The old friends will not be forgotten, for they will always have a place in my heart, just not on the top anymore.

Somethings brewing

Oh how I LOVE the smell of fresh coffee beans.
It's like a small piece of heaven when you
walk into a Barnie's Coffee and smell the aroma
of the dark roasted, the peppermint, the kona and
breakfast blends arousing your senses.

source

I was not always a coffee drinker. I used to find the
black cup o joe revolting actually.
My morning drink of choice then was Mountain Dew.
Long gone are those days.

Now I look forward to turning on my

Keurig coffeemaker and making my single

cup of Black Magic or Kona coffee.

It sets the mood and tone for the day.

In the summer I will hit the local Dunkin Donuts

and buy an iced coffee light and sweet.

Spolied by my high end coffeemaker it's hard to enjoy a cup

from anywhere else unless there is a Starbuck's nearby.

Traveling out of town is pretty hard and I almost want to

pack my coffeepot to go with me.

Have you ever tried to Google local DD's or Starbuck's?

Recently I was needing a fix as I was heading down the interstate

and the GPS instructed me to get off the next exit and turn

around and go back 5 miles.

As depserate as I was I didn't follow the reroute and kept

on until I found an exit that blazened the red bullseye.

Target.

Ah how I LOVE that you have Starbuck's.

I'm not too picky but have you ever realized

that some cities don't have a Dunkin Donuts?

Pensacola doesn't.

When visiting my brother I forget and I've tried to

Google it and the nearest one it tells me is Miami!??

Odd, since I think driving home is a shorter distance

even if it is 7.5 hours.

What is your morning fix?

Your drink of choice?

Favorite Lady

It's Monday already and this week it's not a BIG deal
since it's going to be a three day work week!
We leave Thursday morning to go camping
with friends and family in the woods. I'm REALLY excited!!!
I'm also VERY excited to let you know that
one of MY favorite ladies, Laura The Purseblogger
is featuring ME on her blog today!

So head over there!
It's an honor and I feel all warm and fuzzy because
I'm a favorite lady!
Love ya all!

Post It Note Tuesday: Aftermath

My Novel: Writer's Workshop

Inspired by Mama Kat's Losin It, I am linking up Writer's Workshop.

For this week's writer's workshop, I chose prompt #4:
What 'chapters of your life' would there be? Make a list of your life's chapters. Choose one. Write five possible opening sentences to that chapter. Then write five possible ending sentences to that chapter.

Chapter 1- The Adolescent Years (Ages 5-11)
Chapter 2- Middle School- Ms Popularity?
Chapter 3- Freshman Fallout
Chapter 4- I Can See Clearly Now..
Chapter 5- Senior Moments
Chapter 6- College Crash Course
Chapter 7- Changing Lanes
Chapter 8- Break Up
Chapter 9- Working 9-5
Chapter 10- Wedding Bells are Ringing
Chapter 11- Baby Makes Three
Chapter 12- Grass is Greener on the Other Side
Chapter 13- It's a Boy!
Chapter 14- Where Do we Go Now?

Chapter 4-
Possible Opening Sentences
1. Moving right along in the fast lane of high school drama.

2. Who needs friends anyways.

3. I should have known better and kept my mouth shut about my personal life.

4. If only my parent's had sent me to live with my grandparents.

5. In only two years time, I grew up pretty quickly.

Possible Ending Sentences
1. I can't believe this will be my last year of school.

2. I have enjoyed the best summer of my life.

3. If only I had become more involved in my school extra- curricular activities sooner.

4. I am glad I said goodbye to Yearbook Staff, that would have ruined my summer vacation.

5. Class of 1994 here I come!

Wordless Wednesday

25 Things

25 Things About Me
If there were ever a book written about me, this is the list you would find at the front. Come join in the fun and share yours as well!


1. Do you sleep with your closet doors open or closed? They are always closed. I remember this being the first thing that I started doing when I became obsessive compulsive.

2. Do you take the shampoos and conditioner bottles from hotels?
Depends on if they smell nice.

3. Do you sleep with your sheets tucked in or out?
They are always tucked in tight at the foot of the bed. Again..obsessive compulsive.

4. Would you rather be attacked by a bear or a swarm of bees?
I would rather be attacked by a bear. People have lived being attacked by a bear and I swell up when I get stung by a bee. I don't think I'd survive that.

5. Do you have freckles?
Yes, lots of them. I blame them on my genes, those ivory skinned redheaded ancestors.

6. What is your biggest pet peeve?
One of my biggest pet peeves is when I'm reading something and some one stands over my shoulder and reads it too. I get squirmy.

7. Have you ever peed in the woods?
Yep. When camping in a tent in the woods, it's a whole lot easier to pee in the woods then walk a quarter mile in the dark to the porta potty.

8. Do you ever dance if there’s no music playing?
Yes I have.

9. Do you chew your pens and pencils?
I chew on my pen caps sometimes.

10. Is it okay for guys to wear pink?
It's fine if it's a nice polo shirt or dress shirt for church. Why not?

11. What do you dip a chicken nugget in?
Honey mustard

12. What is your favorite food?
my favorite type of food is chinese. Right now anyways.

13. What movies could you watch over and over and still love?
Ever After, Sweet Home Alabama, Never Been Kissed, Dirty Dancing, Goodfellas, You've Got Mail, Stepmom, Sleeping With the Enemy, Just Like Heaven

14. Were you ever a boy/girl scout?
nope

15. Would you ever strip or pose nude in a magazine?
That would be a big, fat NO

16. Can you change the oil on a car?
nope. That is why I take my car to my husband's work. He takes care of it.

17. Ever gotten a speeding ticket?
yes. I've had 3. And the last one was 11 years ago.

18. Ever ran out of gas?
Yes. Only one time though and thankfully it ran out at home. My dad put a little bit in it and drove the car bucking and sputtering all the way to a gas station.

19. Are you lazy?
I've been known to be. But then I feel guilty and have to clean something or tidy up the house.

20. When you were a kid, what did you dress up as for Halloween?
I was Casper the friendly ghost, a witch several times, a clown, a scarecrow, Raggedy Ann

21. How many languages can you speak?
very little Spanish and some French. I took 3 years of French in high school. I was supposed to go to France after I graduated but I met my hubby and didn't.

22. Who is better…Leno or Letterman?
I don't know if he's better but I watch Leno. I'm so glad he's back and Conan is off the The Tonight Show

23. Do you sing in the car?
All the time.

24. Ever eat a pierogi?
Oh yes! I LOVE me some "rogies" as we call them. I boil them, then deep fry them to crispy and dip them in mayonnaise. ( I LOVE mayo. That is another story)

25. First concert?
New Kids on The Block. Ahh..memories.

Top 3 Thursday-Leading Lady

It's Thursday! Wahoo! I go to the gym on Thursdays after work and I'm so excited because I'm starting at the new gym! I can't wait to shed some more weight. Now onto one of my favorite memes...Top 3 Thursday! Hosted by Confessions From a Working Mom and The (Un)Experienced Mom.

If you could be a character in any movie, not the actor or actress but the character, who would it be and which movie?

Heres who I'd like to be..

3. Sabrina, in the movie Sabrina. To come from nothing, travel to Europe where you find yourself and transform into the inner beauty that you are. When you arrive home and find yourself still in love with the man you have always loved, you never lose sight of who are and then discover true love was not where you expected it to be.

2. Isabel, in the movie Stepmom. You're in love with this wonderful man who is divorced with two children. While trying to develop your relationship with him, staying fully dedicated to your job and try to make things work with you insta-family you factor in the children's mother. She isn't letting your mistakes slide until she discovers that she has cancer. Truly a powerful character that Isabel is.

1. Frances or better known as "Baby", in the movie Dirty Dancing. Sweet innocent daddy's girl goes to summer camp with her family and leaves a matured woman. She falls in love with this amazing guy that opens her heart and she in turn shows him what it's like to be somebody.

Post it Note Tuesday-Buns of Steel