PYHO: Family Circus

Why do I have to be the bad guy? I know that I can't be the only one that it bothers?

This weekend on Sunday for Father's Day we spent the day at my father in law's house. It was my idea. I thought it would be nice to get together with my husband's father and his step mom and do dinner. Since we didn't buy him a gift, this was our way of saying happy Father's Day.

While discussing the plan for going to his dad's house, the time frame for departure was agreed upon. This is something that I have to set when going to his house. You cannot go blind, per say,  to their house. It's a horrible way of dealing with family, but after many times of bad visits, this is what it has come to. We agreed on 7pm.

What we didn't know was that his step mother decided to invite everyone else over too. My husband's brother, his wife, their son, his step brother and his girlfriend and their children. We find this out after getting there. I wasn't thrilled, for many reasons.

One, because I brought food to prepare and was not prepared to feed and extra seven people. Two, my BIL's son is a bad influence on my children and I have to watch him like a hawk around my kids. Three, his step brother is an alcoholic and drinks like a fish. He pretty much takes after his mother (the step mom).

I thought that we would be "safer" having dinner at home since last year's Father's Day was a close disaster at a restaurant.
 His step mom drank wayyyy too much something before getting there, during the 45 minute wait to be seated and during dinner. She was belligerent to the waiter, loud as hell while preparing her salads at the salad bar and made everyone very uncomfortable during the meal. I swore to my husband that that was the very last time I would ever eat in public with her again.

I was dead wrong.

His step mother had been drinking prior to our arrival and and continued through the day.

It was very uncomfortable dealing with her. For one, I had to use her kitchen to cook the dishes of food I was preparing. I wished that I was some where else. Thankfully I was able to share laughs and wth looks with my sister in law during this. She feels the same way I do about having to be there.

But it didn't help with her comments and repeated questions about what I was making. Why was I making that? And that she felt so bad because she didn't make home made potato salad and bought hers. And then a few minutes after she returned from her cigarette break she would start all over again with her questions. The very same questions she had already asked me.

The drinking ensued.

When she starts bugging my kids is when I get unnerved. They were being very, very good. They were sitting on the couch playing their DS's and she interrupted them to insist that they sit next to her. Give her a hug. Hang out with her. Yada yada yada.

Now she only showed them attention because her son's children did not come. Apparently there is an issue with his girlfriends' parents and they will not allow the children to leave their house.
Because if those grand children had been at the house, my children would have been ignored.

The rest of the day went on like this until dinner. Of course we had our dinner drama when I asked if we should put an extension in the table to have more seats around it. She went cuckoo about that. I was almost at my wits end.

Finally at 8pm, an hour after the agreed upon time, we were able to start packing up to leave. I ordered the kids to get their backpacks and their gear to go. And she started her departing antics." Are you leaving? Why are you leaving? Is it already time to go? Are you just packing and staying? When can we do this again?"

I was done.

Done. Done. Done.

I was pretty mad about the circus that went on that day. I told myself, no more. I can't do this anymore. I wasn't going to say anything to my husband, but then Miss K said something about how grandma was acting. I knew that one day she would notice the abnormal behavior. I tried explaining to her about it but decided that enough was enough.

I told my husband about our conversation. Sadly, we will not be going over there anytime soon.

 I'm relieved.

There are some deep underlying problems with his step mother that I haven't even touched on here. If given the back ground on why I feel the way I do, then it might make more sense. Last year's restaurant episode was not the first time she has gotten intoxicated and acted out of line. She is medically bi polar and refuses to take her medicine, she shouldn't be consuming alcohol but she does. Was supposed to have gone to a medical facility to get help, it never happened. She says that she doesn't need a doctor, psychiatrist or "head" doctor to help her. \


As I have said to my husband before and said again. It's not about us anymore. The kids will not deal with this or witness this. They are our responsibility to protect.

PYHO: Little E

Bittersweet moments in my life.

Last week, my Little E graduated from preschool. He is only a few months away from entering into his formulative years in school.

In thirty nine days he will turn 5. A milestone birthday. At least in this house we consider it one.

I sat back today and reminisced over the day last August we walked into the preschool where he was going to attend and remembered the excitement in his eyes. We chose a Montessori based school, based on high recommendations from a friend.

Little E couldn't wait to pull out a play-mat and join in.

Convincing him that he would be back in just a few weeks was something he just didn't comprehend. Now thinking about it, it seems like it was just yesterday. It brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat when I realize that almost another year has gone by.

How much longer will my little boy run to my arms for comfort from mommy hugs? School changes a child. They become more independent. The comfort of mom is saved for home, where friends cannot see.

I am mentally preparing myself for another year that I hope will not fly by. I hope that the birth of baby #3 does not overshadow the accomplishments that my second born will do.

My soon to be middle child. How will this change and mold his personality? My sweet "double" kisses boy. So many changes ahead for this little guy. A year of many firsts ahead. Am I ready?

PYHO: Neighbors

There once was a time that I enjoyed living on the dirt road near the rail road tracks. It was quiet, stress free and peaceful. A time before the housing market hit an all time low and people starting vacating their houses. Vacant houses replaced by a class of people that I really don't particularly enjoy living in the same neighborhood with, thanks to the crashing market. I'm stuck in my house for at least a few more years. Until all the houses left by those who "just walked away" are sold off by the banks.

For the time being, I'm stuck. It could be worse. I could be living next door to a drug dealer or a pedophile. But it's bad enough when your neighbor beats his wife and she comes banging on your door to help her. I really didn't appreciate that evening. I didn't need to get involved in their problems.

More recently they decided they "needed" a puppy. I guess after having kittens and then they "mysteriously" disappeared after a month or so, required them to get something larger. It would have helped if they actually kept the kittens inside their house until they were old enough to roam free. We live in the woods. With owls, foxes, bears and other critters that might decide your kitten is lunch or dinner. Sadly, this is the truth.

I only knew of the new puppy coming, through my kids who occasionally ride bikes with their daughter. 

The puppy showed up about two months ago. Every one loves a puppy. They're cute, cuddly and fun to play with. Until they become a nuisance and start eating your shoes, peeing and pooing on the carpet and scratching the kids when they jump on them. I'm assuming those are the reasons. I'm not boasting here, but no dog or puppy of mine, gets away with that behavior. Potty accidents do happen, but the rest is preventable if you train your dog.

So guess what happens when you don't train your dog, because you really didn't need it anyways. He finds himself outside. But not in a pen or a fenced yard. He is now running loose around his yard, your yard, the road, the woods, the neighbors yard and wherever else his little puppy mind takes him.

I let the fact that he's been a pain until he broke some plant pots on my porch and made a mess with the mulch and other items on my porch. My husband spoke to the wife about it. It started nicely. Until she called me a liar and said that her dog has never been outside unattended. That he is crated all day. She is obviously stupid because I'm not the only one who has seen her dog outside.

A few days went by without seeing him unattended outside. But it only took a few days.

Last week,  I went to leave the house and one of my husband's shoes was missing from our front porch. There was a mess on the porch, again. As the kids and I were heading down the road I saw the shoe. It was on the neighbor's front porch! And the puppy was wandering around in her yard. I had Miss K get the shoe and we headed to school. This was at 7:30am.

When I got back home at 9:00am the puppy was still outside and her car was home. So she was home, but had no intentions of dealing with her responsibility. I called Animal Control and waited for them to show up. Of course, since this dog wasn't the one who killed my cat (another story, which has pushed me to be pro active about dog owner responsibilities) they didn't rush out to deal with this issue. I left my house at 11:30 am and they never came. I wasn't sure if they came out and spoke with her later in the day, but by Sunday evening, I knew they had not.

The puppy, who is a doberman pincer that is about 4-5 months old, was out again. I watched through my front blinds this dog run in and out of my other neighbor's sprinkler's. I thought to myself hahaha, your dog is getting all filthy and when you call him in and he makes a mess on your carpet, I'd love to be a fly on the wall to see your reaction.

A little while later, I went outside to help my husband finish up the lawn chores, since the tropical storm bands were coming. By then, the puppy had decided to aggravate my husband by running alongside our mower and wouldn't go away. My husband had already gone over to the neighbor's house to see if they were home, so they could put their dog away. Of course not!

So I waited until Tuesday morning to call Animal Control again to report the dog running loose and question they never followed up on my call from Friday. The lady who I spoke with, didn't have a clear answer to why my complaint was not addressed, but she updated the information about the recent events and would send out an officer.

When I got home Tuesday evening, I saw my porch was wrecked again, telling me the puppy was out wandering again. I figured that the AC had not come out again.

 But to my surprise, I had two messages on my answering machine from the AC Officer. The first one was from the officer telling me why no one was out on Friday and that she was the officer who handled our part of the county. Second message was informing me that she came out to the residence for the doberman puppy and found that he was running loose and no one was home. Since the owner's of the dog were breaking the law, she issued them a citation and left it on their door. Woohoo!!

That worked out better than them coming on Friday! They caught her "red handed", so to speak. Later on Tuesday night, I heard the puppy barking his crazy head off. Wondering why he was barking incessantly,  I looked outside. The neighbors decided to tether him out back instead of walking him on a leash for potty breaks. I'm waiting to see how long that lasts. Especially since the line they have him on is about the the size of a clothes line, which in due time will not restrain a full sized doberman.

Idiot neighbors. Hopefully they don't think they'll leave him outside for hours tied up to that line without shelter or water. It's hitting the 90 degree mark here and that's not in direct heat. Like I said, they don't need a dog.



http://youtu.be/wF0bSddMIgg
Video of the Culprit

PYHO: Fear of the Unknown

My fear that Little E may not be able to attend the school his sister goes to have resurfaced again. Last year I wrote about this worry and later felt that it could have been premature. I felt relieved that he would more than likely get the variance and be able to attend at least two years in the same school as Miss K. That would have given me more time to prepare for homeschool or any other option.

So last week I signed Little E up for Kindergarten at our zoned school. I requested the variance form and informed the registrar why I was asking for it. While going over Little E's paperwork she stated that this coming school year, the state had not listed "Choice Schools" for the NCLB Act. She said it was talked about that students who were going to other schools besides their zoned school could be required to go back to the school they were zoned for. I was in shock!

This whole time I was worrying about getting my son into the same school as my daughter and I never thought about her losing her spot.

So today I called the zoned elementary school to inquire about Little E's variance form. The registrar told me that she had sent it on to the other school early this week and it might be at the School Board Dept. She gave me their phone number and the extension of the department I would need to speak to. What a very helpful and thoughtful thing for her to do. Especially for a parent who doesn't want their child going to her school.

I debated on whether or not I should call. I didn't know how my inquiring would affect my son's forms. I went ahead with the motherly instinct and called. I'm not sure if I'm glad I called or not. I spoke to the lady in the zoning department and she told me that his variance form had not come in yet. Not surprising. I'm not too worried because it's not like my answer will come quicker if it was.

I was told that I would have to wait until at least July 1st or later to know if we have been denied or accepted. I was concerned about Miss K's position at the school and was routed to another department. The lady that I spoke with was very helpful too. She reassured me that Miss K would not lose her place at the school she currently goes to, even though the NCLB Act has been rewritten by the Florida Department of Education.
 Without going into much detail, the Act that the Federal Dept of Education created did not accomplish the goals that it set out. 

The bad news, Little E could be denied and have to attend the zoned school while Miss K gets to stay at her school. Which is not an option I want to go with. I do not want either of my children to attend that school. The lady told me if that happened, I would need a Plan B. Whatever my Plan B is. She said I always have the option to appeal the school boards decision. Which if turns out to be the case, I will have to build a rock solid case. Not just gut feeling or mother's intuition. My other option would be virtual school at home. Which essentially is home school. Or private school, which in no way I could afford. Or charter school for both kids or just Little E.

I never thought that this could happen when I signed him up for school. I thought it was an open and shut case and then I would have to worry when Miss K left the elementary school to go into middle school. Nope. Life is never that easy. So I will now have to sit, worry and pray my hardest that God works this all out. Please God, just give me one more year. Just let Little E go to Miss K's school for one year. He really wants that opportunity. Please pray for us that it all works out.

I am posting this late for PYHO and glad that I did. Since this all came to light on Thursday.

PYHO: Opinions are like.....

We didn't tell anyone we were trying. Well, except for one couple. They knew. But no one else knew.
It's not something you share with everyone.

After we found out that we were indeed pregnant with baby #3, we were really excited. Knowing the risks of telling people and something happening, we decided to keep the news to ourselves and a few close friends.

Telling family was not an option yet,just in case. Family takes things harder and friends hold you up when things fall. We waited until the first appointment when the baby should have been 8 weeks along. The ultrasound confirmed that we were having "a baby" ( I say that because hubs has been fearing twins) but we were 6 weeks and five days along.

This was a bummer. We were hoping to tell more people but since we were not as far along, we had to wait longer. The waiting is very hard.

The longer I waited, the more nervous I got about telling certain people. I know it shouldn't matter, because the choice of how many children I want is MY CHOICE. And my husband's of course. I didn't know how the news would be received.

A year ago, when in conversation with a friend of mine who has more children than I do and was expressing her interest in having more, my mother in law stated (looking at me) " you don't need anymore kids." Did I hear her right? Was she telling me what was right for me?

So I wasn't looking forward to telling her and I think my husband knew it. So she was the last parent we told about the new baby coming. She really shocked me. My husband had to hold the phone back a foot or so from his ear. She was so excited and squealing about another grand child. Wow.

I am the first person that will tell you, I don't care what other people think. I really try not to let other people's opinions get to me. Most of all, strangers opinions. But deep inside, it stirs me up when people express their opinions to me.

Right now, I'm not showing so no one would know that I'm pregnant anyways. So I'm safe from other peoples problems. Unless of course, my son who is a proud BIG Brother to be might tell you that there is a baby in there.

I really don't want to hear the obtuse or intrusive opinions from other people. I'm dealing with questions now. Since you already have one of each, which sex do you prefer?

I don't care! Really! I want a healthy child. I'm the mother to a daughter and a son, I know what both worlds could bring. There are pros and cons to raising each gender. And I could honestly end up with a sassy, prissy little princess girl. Unlike Miss K completely. Or I could get an ultra sensitive boy, who wears his emotions on his sleeve. Unlike my rough and tough Little E.

I'm not worried about trivial things like that. The worst part that since I have one of each, people assume that you are done having children. As if that is a guideline. Really?

PYHO: Can I give up Now?

It's not easy keeping my emotions in check. I am not the type of person who likes to hold my feelings inside and suppress them. I have had to, but the outcome after long periods of with holding my feelings isn't something you would want to witness. They come spewing out like hot lava. Really. It's not like when you shake the soda bottle and open the cap. That is merely too tame for how I can get.

That is the person I have tried to stop being, but this week is making it really hard. 

So this week, I'm feeling like a volcano ready to explode. It's building and building.

I've had many people ask me "how are you feeling?" Okay. It's been my usual answer. The "easy" answer.

"how are you holding up?" "Do you need anything?" " I'm checking on you". And I get the warm fuzzy feeling inside when these wonderful friends of mine ask me these questions. They are truly concerned for my well being. But I can't tell them how I really feel.

Because right now I'm feeling selfish. I WANT MY HUSBAND HOME!

I know they mean well, but they really don't want me to open the floodgates. because if I really told them exactly how I felt, I would be a sobbing mess. I'm tired. I'm lonely. I'm feeling sorry for myself and I want to be human and wallow in my sorrows for just a moment. I know I don't need my husband here to be able to that. But some one has to be here to take care of the kids.

Some one else besides me. And since their dad isn't here to do it, then I have to put on my Big Girl Panties and stand strong. Be in control. Take care of my children, the house and everything in between. 

I just don't want people thinking I'm heartless about not shedding a tear for my grandmother. I can't do it right now. 

This morning I did have a moment. The well sprung a leak. I missed two calls from my husband. And the third I was so anxious to grab it, I accidentally pressed "decline" on the phone. I lost it. The tears ran down my face. I was sobbing like a baby. Over a missed phone call. The little things are starting to break me down. I'm ready for this to be over. 

I have two more days. I'm hanging on by a thread and if you asked me, you'd never know. I'm strong. I will not admit defeat. But really, I just have. 

PYHO: Disappointed and Dirty

I am disappointed with my self lately. My inability to complete my regular house work chores is leaving me frustrated. For the past few weeks I have been just "getting by" with my regular chores around the house. I make it through most of the laundry. I sort it. Wash it. Dry it. Fold it. And then it sits clean in a basket for days. Then when some one, usually my husband, runs out of something to wear, I start all over again. I have no choice but to finally put away the clean clothes that have been sitting around for days.

The laundry is only the tip of the iceberg. The lack of motivation is spilling over into other areas as well. My dusting in the house. The filing of papers. My coupon cutting. I am becoming so overwhelmed with the unfinished work that I don't know where to start. This behavior is so unlike me that it is really aggravating me.

I feel like a failure. In my own mind I'm failing at something. I'm not sure what anyone else thinks, because the only ones witnessing this are the kids and my husband. My husband is not a neat freak, so it's not going to bother him. Miss K follows in her dad's footsteps so she is not fazed by it. And Little E, he's not really old enough to realize how OCD I am.

The bigger issue I have with not finishing the regular day to day chores is, that I can't even justify starting on other chores that have manifested through out this. The season have changed, both kids have outgrown some clothes and I need to get the excess stuff out of their rooms. It's piling up. My garage looks like the beginnings of Hoarders. Seriously. It's scary.

The pressure of all this is taking a toll on my personality and I lashed out at my husband about it. So many of our weekends have been compromised by other events that I have no spare time to catch up. Some have been for pleasure. Thanks to Spring Break. Some have been due to family emergencies. Which you can't blame.

I need more time!

I need another me!

 I need to let go and stop beating myself up.
 How do you tell a perfectionist, obsessive compulsive, clean freak that it's ok that the dogs haven't been bathed and seriously need it, the dust behind the tv's will be ok for another week and that no body cares that you have three weeks of three Sunday newspapers sitting on your front porch. At least I live on a dirt road. 

And if you only knew the rest.

PYHO: Facebook Fan Page

Holy Batman! I am so over whelmed right now, my head is swimming and I'm not sure if I did everything right. It's 11:30pm and after a mad dash at 9:30pm to get into the chat room for Content Brew I tried my best to keep up. The page was lagging quite a bit and like a four year old high on smarties candies subject hopping gal like I am, I ran down another rabbit trail checking into creating a Facebook fan page.

Apparently some time ago I created one and never maintained it. Unfortunately the damn thing has to be linked to your personal FB page even if you try not to. I created a new account with my blog email address and the stupid thing somehow figured out that I was the other email address and linked the two together. I even logged out of my regular page. VERY annoying to say the least.

I had already deactivated the first page I created. Which takes 14 days, mind you. Stupid if you ask me. But who's asking me? I guess there's a delay, just in case you made a mistake. I'm not backing out. The page has 6 likes. Just 6! That is my fault. Really. But it's still sad. Very, very sad.

So I created a new one. Had a lot of difficulty with the photo for the page. I guess when my blog revamp happened over a year ago I was using a different computer. The image files are somewhere else now so I had to click and save from my blog to have a profile pic.  What a hassle that was! The files wanted to save as png's and basic Facebook doesn't accept those files, then I had to change the saving files. This is all more than I can handle on a six hour nights sleep. Especially after working an eight and half hour shift today. With both kids with me.

Torture? Close to it. If you ask me, I wouldn't mind joining Little E with some sobbing and crying that he blessed me with this afternoon and through the evening. Bedtime couldn't have come fast enough for him. But here I sit, sharing my frustrations with you on my blog Facebook Fan page.
 
So tomorrow I get more torture the pleasure of figuring out how to upload my RSS feed to my Facebook fan page. I know there are blogs out there that do make overs on your page. Are there blogs out there that create your FB page, get all the bugs worked out. Link everything the way it needs to be and set up the links on your blog? Because seriously, I'm not sure if I can handle the pressure. I really don't want to start all over again if I do it wrong.

PYHO: Dance Mom

Life as a dance mom has it's moments. The mundane trips back on forth to the studio. Sitting for hours in the viewing room watching your child through the glass. Dressing your child for class, getting the perfect bun. Competition weekends, the stress of accomplishing make up, hair, costume and lunch in less than an hour. Watching your child get criticized because she screwed up her step more than five times in a row. Then listening to the stories from the dance moms you have befriended.

There is so much more in between but I've given you a brief idea of what goes in in our dance life. Mine as the mom. Miss K as the dancer. You'd think I'd throw up my hands in defeat and walk out of the studio and not look back. But there's always a silver lining. 

She loves to dance and I sacrifice my time to make that happen for her.

Our first year at this studio I only knew two other moms and the underlying drama never affected me. I kept to myself and watched my daughter practice. Now that this is our third year and Miss K is on the competition/ performance team we know a lot of the moms. 

Miss K has made friends with her classmates and team mates, naturally. I've become friends and acquaintances  with several of the moms of her team mates. The one thing I've learned in life, from my own mistakes, you keep your mouth shut. You can be a better friend to some one if you don't gossip. 

Yesterday one of the moms told me that her daughter was criticized by of one the team mates about her technique on a tap step. I was surprised and looked in on the class and didn't have a clue about which girl would do that. She asked me if Miss K would do that. I know my daughter and she is a friend to everyone. She does not discriminate. I told her no way, K is a type A leader personality, but she is not mean.

Today in the competition class, during practice for this weekend's performance, the same mom was sitting next to me watching the girls run through the dance. The instructor had changed part of their dance and her daughter messed up something. The girl next to her, stops in the middle of tapping and walks over to the instructor. I was like what the heck?

The mom says to me "she's calling her out. I can't believe that. she's tattling on L". I looked at the mom and we shared the look.  I knew right then that the girl that just tattled on her daughter was the same one who made fun of her the day before. I was shocked. 

Shocked.

I was very shocked since we spent the weekend with that girl and her mom two weekends ago at the FDM Competition in Coral Springs. We shared a hotel room with them and I would have never guessed her to be so mean. 

That meanness can drive a wedge between girls who should be team mates.  

This realization makes me look at this girl in a different light. Sadly. I will not breathe a word of this to any of the other moms or my daughter, but it's one of those things that will be filed in my brain. You have to watch out for your back and your child. 

But I don't want to remove the sparkles from my little girls world. She LOVES to dance and enjoys it.   

Life as a dance mom for us is nothing like you see on tv. At least not our studio.

PYHO: One Click Away

Last week I posted about my time management or lack there of. I came in today to read emails, reply to comments and realized that I had not written another post since that one. Boy, that is disheartening.I obviously did not motivate myself enough to write anything. It's not the motivation, really. I have that. It's finding the time, the peace and quiet of the day to write down what's on my mind. When I get an idea to write about something, I've been typing snippets of it on my "notes" on my iPhone. Good idea, right?

Not really. I never seem to get back to them. Then when I do, it's been a few weeks and the idea seems dead. Who wants to read about a silly story that happened three weeks ago? Maybe some one.

I'm not going to let this get the better of me and my writing. For now, my life behind the keyboard has been very full and I know that if I stepped away from the real life, what's going on, that I'll miss it. Then I'll have nothing to write about. 

Miss K went to her very first dance competition this weekend. We left the boys at home. It was mother/ daughter time. And thanks to the lovely hotel we stayed at, the use of my lap top never happened. They want to charge $9.95 a day for internet use. We were there three days!! I was hoping to write about the weekend. Post pictures of my sweet girl taking classes, dancing on stage. But it has had to wait.

Last week Little E was sick, a sore throat that started on Thursday that lo and behold became strep throat on Monday. I have no idea how my husband checks the kids while I am away, but I know he is not like myself. I ask how the kids are feeling in the morning. 

So a trip to the pediatrician, a throat culture and we determined he has strep. Four dollar antibiotics and two days home for me with the little guy. And amazingly I never noticed that he was a little run down. Because by yesterday afternoon, he was full of himself.

I'm glad to be back at work today. It's quiet here today. Which is how I am writing this post. Stealing time here.

So you see, I have stuff to write, but not enough time to click it out. The stuff of my life, which my life is consuming.  Does that make sense? I am not complaining. Just venting. I take conferences for scrap booking to have time to do that. I need to take a getaway weekend to write. Authors do that, right? I'm not an author, but heck.

I'm glad I have this outlet when I get the time to use it. My friends on the other end of this, the ones who comment, encourage and read my "stuff",a BIG thank you. A million thank yous. For without you, I might not write as often. 

I know that is not what this is about but today. thank you!!! 

PYHO: Time Management

 
Time management has always been an issue of mine that I just can't seem to conquer. Being a mom to an eight year old child with ADHD, that is involved with extra curricular activities, plus an intelligent, full of energy four year old, those responsibilities take up a lot of my time. 
Then you add in working outside the home 15 hours a week split between three days, all the chores that come with owning a home that have pets living in it and dedicating my family and myself to our church. 

And I can't forget spending quality time with my husband after the regular day to day chores are done, when I'm finally sitting down taking a breath of air. 

Where is the ME time? Now, I do have free time in my day and when that time is, varies from day to day. Sometimes that time still gets used for some other unexpected trip to the store, the bank, or a catastrophic mess (we've had a few of those lately) and when the day is over after those "extras", I am exhausted. Leaving my extra time in the evening, to pass out asleep.


The time that I try to set aside for myself is split between three important things to me. Blogging. Reading emails and other blogs. Reading my devotions and Bible. I have several other things I would love to do, but they get put by the wayside more often than not. 


I love to write when I have the time. Okay, we've covered that my time is very limited. I used to sacrifice sleeping time and would stay up at least an hour longer to write my posts. But that caught up with me after too many weeks of doing that. Then I dipped into my time that was spent on reading my devotions and wrote posts during that time. 


Feeling guilty about not reading my devotions caught up with me and I had to find time some where else to write my posts. Really? How does anyone else do this? How do other bloggers find the time to write posts, read other posts, read emails, respond to emails? 


Why do I feel so guilty about something that is supposed to be a hobby? Something that I enjoy. 

PYHO: Navigating Through

Navigating through the road map of being a parent to a child diagnosed with ADHD is pretty strenuous. It takes a lot of patience, time and scheduling. Just to name a few things.

For years I struggled with Miss K's inability to focus, stay on task and her horrible time management. Only recently was she diagnosed with ADHD. After the lengthy questionnaires and paperwork they requested before the actual evaluation, she was struggling yet again in school. There was no doubt anymore that I needed to get her help.

Once we finally got an appointment with the doctor, we had Miss K back on track again at school. She was doing better with daily reminders from her teacher. Thank God for understanding teachers. After the diagnosis I was still apprehensive on filling the prescription and actually handing her a pill to take once or, in our case, twice a day. I thought I could still prayerfully make a difference and not medicate her.

So I thought that maybe we could continue with what we were doing. But it was taking it's toll on me and I was neglecting Little E, because I had to spend extra time every day with Miss K. Then she starting slipping again and we were headed downhill. It wasn't surprising, since we'd been there before.

 We just recently started Miss K on the medicine. Slowly we noticed a change in her for the better. Now, after a month of taking her medicine, she is quite different.

It might seem like I could breathe a sigh of relief. Not so fast. It takes some of the pressure off worrying how she will do in school, for the moment.

It's my job to remember to give her the morning pill on time, everyday. It lasts about 4 hours, which then she should take another pill at school to cover her until the afternoon. Of course I was worried about her taking a pill at school. The whole thing with leaving class, everyday to go take her pill. The interruption, being gone and then the kids in her class wondering what she was doing. All those things. So I have been giving her the pill right after school. Which has created another problem. She is not tired when it's bedtime.

So last week, I decided that I would go ahead and get it set up with the school to have her taking her medicine there, right after lunch. I spoke to her teacher about it, so she should would be aware of Miss K leaving class.

I knew her prescription was coming due for a refill. Or shall I say, new prescription written. Thing is another one of the hurdles I will be dealing with, every month, every year, that she is on medicine. The classification of these types of drugs that are prescribed for ADHD, cannot have a refill, by law. So every month I have to call the pediatrician and request a new prescription be written and then wait 48 hours for it to be ready for my pickup. It cannot be called in to the pharmacy.

I picked up the script on Monday and immediately took it to the Target pharmacy, the same pharmacy I used last time to fill it. Of course, they are out of the afternoon (lower dosage) pill. They will have to special order it and it will be in by Friday.

Here's where my mom failure, is going to help us out. Several times I missed getting Miss K here afternoon pill to her on time, so we skipped it on those days and went without. I thought badly of myself at the time, but now it those pills are going to come in handy. But it shouldn't be that way.

I recently heard that the pharmaceutical companies are manufacturing less of these controlled substances, when the amount of children in the United States using them has been on the rise. According to the CDC, that approximately 9.5% or 5.4 million children 4-17 years of age have ever been diagnosed with ADHD, as of 2007.

So like I said, being a parent to a child with ADHD is strenuous, even with medicine to help your child. It's not a quick fix. Not like I ever expected it to be. It makes it easier for her to focus and do well with school and everyday activities and that is most important. Despite the hurdles I am beginning to realize are still there for me, I will continue to muddle through. God gave me my daughter. He knew what he was doing. There is a reason for everything and I wouldn't change it for the world.

PYHO: No One Said it Would Be Easy

For the first time in my life I am not upset or mad that a friend of mine made a choice that has affected me in a hurtful way. I think because I expected it to happen. I had hoped that it wouldn't. But you cannot control what other people are going to do.

For several months I have been dealing with issues in regards to secrets and truths about another friend, who I will name A. My other friend M, with whom I disappointed about, was best friends with A. M knew there was something bothering her husband about A's husband, but she was not aware of the secret until early November when her husband finally confronted A's husband about his cheating on his wife.

I knew A's husband was cheating. But how do you tell your friend that her husband is cheating? You don't. There is no easy or right way to do it. It always backfires when you tell some one else that their loved one is doing something wrong. And I've always been taught not to meddle.

M's husband had known for quite some time about the infidelity and A's husband had sworn him to secrecy about it and promised that he wouldn't cheat anymore. The problem: he had not stopped and was beginning to have a relationship with another woman. A's husband had decided enough was enough and was going to sever the friendship between the families. He felt that A's husband was a bad influence and didn't want his children around that.

M was devastated that her friendship was jeopardy. After the confrontation between the husbands, A called M. A was furious with her friend, she was in denial about her husband and she did not know who to believe. M tried talking to A and giving her advice, but A was not having anything to do with that.

Sadly, it created tension everywhere. My husband, who also knew of the infidelity, was confronted by A's husband just a day after the shoe was dropped. A's husband was trying to cover all his tracks and when he spoke with my husband  he said, " let's keep what you  know on the down low". My husband flat out refused to lie for him anymore. Which only forced the end to my friendship with A also.

I have been content without having A in my life anymore. My husband and I had already started distancing ourselves from them and the group of friends that we all hung out with. I have thought of her many times and prayed for her healing, since she chose to stay with her husband. Which is another post entirely.

But M is not content. She has not taken the separation well and I knew that she wouldn't. M and her husband have been coming to church with my husband and I regularly since the confrontation. There have been several sermons where it was as if the pastor knew what was going on. M and I would look at each other during service and we knew.

However, she has taken the messages differently than I have. Which can happen. So just the other day we were talking on the phone and she asked me about making plans to go see MJ in the end of January. Of course I was wanting to go too. Then she dropped the bomb. "Well A and her husband are going and they are getting a head count."  WHAT??


I couldn't believe that she was going with them and wanted to know if I wanted to go too? I am still in shock about it as I write this. I told her that I would not be hanging around that crowd and we got off the phone. That same day in the evening I wrote her through text. I flat out asked her if she and A were on good terms again.

I knew the answer but I wanted to hear it from her. She said that they were kosher and that she forgave A, which I still don't understand. A should have been asking for forgiveness for turning her back on her friends. I can understand wanting to stay with your husband and working through the issues, getting marriage counseling. But don't turn your back on your friends.

I am not mad about M choosing to go back. Disappointed, yes. I had half hoped that it would have been longer so that M could see what it was like to have her own life. She has always been a shadow of A and tries to always be like her. I knew it was tough for her to not be wrapped up in A's life and I was so proud that she was making decisions for herself.

I will be a good friend and still be friends with M. But I will not associate with A anymore, not even for M. I am doing what is best for my family.

PYHO: In God's Hands

You never know what the day is going to bring. What obstacle, miracle, disappointment or surprise. It's all in God's hand and what he has planned for us. 

I thank God for being by my husband's side on Monday evening. 

You never know what lies ahead down the road.

You cannot predict the future.

Despite the fact that you have driven down the same road, five days

a week for seven years.

 Today is day two after his car accident on his way home from work

on Monday evening. Thankfully the people in the car he hit are okay.

Thankfully he is not sitting in a hospital bed, or worse. I'd rather not think

about what could have happened.

He is doing okay for the time being.

I thank God for keeping my husband on this Earth for awhile

longer.

PYHO: Admitting your child has a problem

As a parent you don't want to think that there is anything wrong with your child. They are this perfect human being that you created and you will stop at nothing to make their life normal. They achieve all the growing milestones on or before the average child. They talk at an early age and walk at an early age. Gross motor skills are right on target as well as fine motor skills. Then it's like something else happens.

I first noticed it when Miss K was going on two years old that she lacked the ability to focus on a given task. Even small tasks that only required a short amount of time and thinking, she would struggle.
At every pediatrician visit we would bring it up that she had issues. The answer was always, "it's her age. They have a short attention span at young ages."

So we struggled another year and would again repeat the concerns. Of course they would give us the same answer, that it was her age. They just didn't seem to understand that it's like she has all these thoughts going around in her head and she can't stop them.

Miss K is a very intelligent child, she just lacks the ability to focus for long periods and fidgets. She also likes to talk, too much sometimes which falls back into not being to focus and does not pay attention to her surroundings.  

 Her first year of school was a minor struggle. Since it was only Kindergarten and the school system treats them gently, she made it through.Unfortunately, the next year did not go as well. She received average grades but her behavior was causing concerns. We had several parent/ teacher conferences and a few conferences with the principal.

It was mentioned at one of the conferences about Miss K being gifted and possible testing. Her reading scores were high, she was on the next grade level and other areas pointed in that direction. I was dissatisfied with her first grade teacher and even more so when she failed to file the paperwork in time.

It was then that I was forced to wait until second grade to get the test done by the school. The teacher that Miss K got for second grade was really nice and loved my daughter. However, the class that she was in had two teachers with two classes. So the other teacher was not as compassionate and Miss K constantly got into trouble and her behavior was up and down.

By the time that I knew the gifted test was going to be performed, I realized it was not going to go well.With my daughter's inability to stay focused, it took her longer to complete tests, longer to produce answers and without paper she was going to score low. She couldn't just think the answer in her mind without writing it out. But I knew she wasn't going to ask for pen and paper for this test. It's mostly verbal answers.

By the end of the school year, I knew that I was going to have to pick her teacher for the next year. I was not going to leave it up to chance and hope she was placed with a compassionate teacher. If she was going to be in public school, I knew that she needed a better teacher to be able to make it.

This year has been completely different. Her teacher is amazing. We have had our ups and downs again, but this time I have been ready for it. And I finally stopped letting the pediatricians bulldoze me and I requested Miss K be tested for ADHD. They didn't fight me either.

The questionnaires were very extensive for myself and her teacher. I was also required to get test scores, report cards and any material that could show Miss K' performance. A few weeks after turning in the paper work we were called in for the first evaluation.

Miss K was diagnosed with ADHD with hyperactivity and low focus. The focus I knew, the hyper activity, I was some what shocked. But after thinking about it, realized that she has a hard time sitting still at times when she should be. The next step was deciding if we wanted to go with medicating her. I said yes and accepted their prescription and set up a follow up appointment.

But it wasn't until this past weekend that I finally started her on the medicine. I was still apprehensive. I thought, maybe we could still do this without it. Honestly, I was scared. The side effects worried me some. And explaining this all to her seemed very hard.

But in just five days time, I already see major improvements. It's amazing. We are seeing one of the side effects and we are supposed to call the pediatrician a week after starting the medicine. It's like the medicine has tuned out the random thoughts in her head and allowed her to focus on individual tasks.

I never thought it would take this long to finally get a grip on the issue. 

PYHO: Hanging on by a Thread

I'll eventually get to writing about why I've been on hiatus for about four weeks, but today something bigger is on my heart. I've been struggling with my youngest, Little E with his behavior. I partly blame myself for being a softie and letting him get his way. I admit it, I have coddled him way, WAY too long. And now it's biting me in the butt.

I also blame the behavior on preschool and the fact that he's four years old. I thought the three's were bad, but now that I look back at Miss K's year of four, she was a tough cookie too.

It didn't start over night. And it's not like his attitude change didn't happen on his birthday back in July. It has gradually gotten worse and my threshold for his badness has reached "the level".

Little E was always a sweet, kind little boy and reflected that behavior when he used to go to daycare.We never had any problems with him.Then before turning three I pulled him out and he stayed home with me. To prepare him for school next year, I placed him in VPK at a really nice montessori  based daycare/preschool. Since then he has complained about other boys treating him unfairly and excluding him.The teachers have not complained about him being bad to anyone at school, but who knows.

The problem: he's trying to befriend the wrong kids. The bullies, the "pretty boys", the rough kids. I can't choose his friends but when he starts reflecting their behavior at home, something has to give.

We've all heard the saying boys will be boys but that doesn't mean it's okay to come home and smack your sister because she won't give you what she has in her hands. And it doesn't mean when you don't get your way with mommy that you go to your room and kick the wall for ten minutes.

Dealing with the way he's been acting, doesn't make trying to get him to eat "big people" food any easier. I finally pout my foot down recently and will not cook him his own meal of either, chicken nuggets, hot dogs, fish sticks or mac and cheese anymore. He has to eat what we eat for dinner. We're on day five today and it's been awful to say the least.

I'm hoping this is just a phase and we grow out of it. Of course, he may grow out of it but I know we won't successfully make it unless I keep up with punishments and time outs.I'm open to suggestions from moms of boys who survived or are surviving the younger years.

Pour Your Heart Out: Are you Listening?

I know I haven't talked much about Miss K and her academic performance in over a year. Actually since I wrote the post about her being tested for the Gifted Program at her school. The test was given last year while she was in second grade and unfortunately she did not pass.

I was disappointed and relieved at the same time. Disappointed because I truly believed she was smart enough to go into the program. Relieved, because at the time she was in a great class with an awesome teacher and I didn't want to pull her out of that class.

Then the realization hit me, that it was the best thing that she didn't make it. Miss K struggled with staying focused and on task. And she would have done poorly in a class that requires student independent working quite often.
We continually struggled with Miss K not paying attention, talking in class, getting out of of her seat and just "checking out" (mentally) during class. It was an uphill battle and tested my patience on many levels.After trying rewards for good behavior I thought I had gotten through to my daughter.

Thankfully with an understanding teacher, she did well and sometimes above average during the year.

So with all the hard work on both ends, for the teacher and I, Miss K passed second grade.

After experiencing a teacher who wants to work with me and my child, and sometimes going above and beyond, I chose Miss K's third grade teacher. It has been such a blessing. 

At the beginning of the school year, just like the past two years, Miss K was like a new child. Motivated, paying attention and listening to direction. Then it started all over again.

She has been coming home with "sign ins" in her daily report book, and has had to be constantly reminded to get back on task during class and at home with her homework. She not only struggles with school work but with everyday regular tasks at home.

The final blow came this week. Her teacher requested to talk to me about last week's math test. Miss K did not get a passing grade and the test makes up 40% of her final grade in math for the first nine weeks of school. I was crushed.

The thought has been in the back of my head for years about Miss K's inability to stay focused and perform everyday tasks. Then it bled into her performance at school and she has survived. But now it's affecting her ability to pass tests and will affect her ability to take the FCAT this coming Spring.I'm worried.

I decided I wasn't going to take no for answer with her pediatricians office about having her tested for a medically diagnosed problem. For years at her well visits, they brushed me off about her lack of focus, blaming on her age. Not anymore.

I was surprised that during my phone yesterday, the nurse said that they have a packet that needs to be filled out by me and her teacher. We are now taking the first step to trying to determine the issue. I am not afraid. I do not want my child to"slip through the cracks" in school because no one cares. We will conquer this and let no one step in my way.




So sorry to those of you who are regular readers of my blog. I am sure you have noticed that I have MIA for a week or so and I feel terribly for that. I have started so many posts and have not been able to finish them. I have had so much on my plate recently that even escaping to blog is not an option. Please bear with me and I will be back to normal soon. I love you guys.

PYHO:Periods between Periods

Before writing this post I went into my archives to link to a previous post about this. But the only one I found was one I never published. It was written back on 02-08-11. So before writing what is on my heart and mind, I want you to see where my mind is.

I have been praying that God will soften my husband's heart about having another child. Last year it was discussed and I actually made an appointment to my OB/GYN to have my birth control removed. But just two days before I was to go, I canceled the appointment. Then my marriage took a turn for the worst and if you've been reading my blog for some time you know what I'm talking about. God was watching out for me and thankfully I listened and didn't go ahead with it. The timing wasn't right and who knows what the outcome could have been. After soul searching and repairing our marriage, changing churches and finding God again in my new church I put aside the thoughts of having another child. My family and marriage were more important that fulfilling my deep personal desire to have a larger family. So just a month ago I spoke to my husband about having number three again. It went better than I thought, at least he didn't flat out say no. Small subtle hints and praying daily and weekly to God has been the only thing quenching my soul. Until recently. If I didn't know any better, I would say that I was pregnant. But unless my birth control failed it's not possible. I know my body and I'm having symptoms that make me think that I could be. Nauseous, moody and my medicine is all wacko. I called my Family Care doctor and made an appointment because if we do want to to start trying I need to adjust my medicine to make my body safer for it. If I have my sure tell sign ( nosebleeds) that I am pregnant. I would say that it is God's will, because only he can make things like that happen despite the fact that I am trying to prevent being pregnant at this time. I know that my husband would not be upset because he getting softer about the idea. My prayers may have been answered. Only time will tell.


So recently I've been thinking about having another baby. It's actually been on my mind for quite some time. After Little E turned three I really started thinking about it. A few times I was supposed to go and have my IUD removed and then I canceled the appointment. My husband got cold feet and my marriage is more important that adding to our family.

Then we got a possible pregnancy scare, despite having birth control in place. I couldn't find my IUD string. If you have one, you know what I'm talking about and you're supposed to check for it monthly. I'm such a scatter brain and I can't remember the last time I checked for it. I was pretty scared and my husband was like, "oh my god, you could be pregnant". I had been having crazy menstrual periods for two months, even twice in one month.

If you can't be sure that your IUD is in place, then you should be using a secondary back up type of birth control. Well when you don't know how long it's been that way, then it's hard to say what might have happened.

I made an appointment for the next day to the OB/GYN. My husband and I discussed the possibility of removing it this time. I figured that when I saw the doctor that she would find it and I would have her remove it and we would be trying for another little one. Well, she couldn't find it either. After trying three different methods of locating it, I was going to have to get an ultrasound. I was really worried now.

What if I'm pregnant with an IUD in there? What do I do?

The doctor didn't seem that concerned and I think because I had a period on the 8th of this month. I explained to her that it was only one day and that is not normal for me. Basing that I had quite a bit of bleeding in the first trimester of Little E's pregnancy, anything was possible.

I've prayed to God. I've asked that if I'm wrong about my desires that he give me an answer, a sign that I should just stop my thoughts. For him to squelch my dreams.

Then I thought maybe this was his answer. That I should go ahead and remove it. That this was his way of getting me there. That this was the push and in my own free will I was to take the plunge.

I got the ultrasound and everything is as it should be. Just an IUD where it's supposed to be. No baby. I was happy and sad all at the same time. It was a bittersweet moment. I did not make another appointment to remove it. I don't know why.

I guess I thought that if it was devine intervention and I did get pregnant with an IUD, that it was not my plan. That it was God's plan.

So here we are and I'm having another period. I'm thinking it's a second chance. I was having second thoughts about not removing it because my husband and I decided to go ahead. I actually got cold feet this time, not my husband.

PYHO: Stuck in the Middle

Sometimes I find myself standing in my kitchen thinking about how nice things are going on in life. That there is no stress and how well the week is going. No craziness.

Life is smooth. It's like a piece of bliss. Perfect harmony.

I'm feeling self assured that my life is going in the right direction. Spiritually. Financially.

Then the rug gets pulled out from under me again.

I'm not sure who is trying to correct me. Is it Satan rearing his ugly head at me? Laughing that I actually thought life could always go so easy. Or was it God? Is he testing my devotion to him? Making me prove my worth yet again?

I've talked about how my in laws and I have strained relationships. Some days things are good between us. Usually when they keep their distance. Sadly that is the best way to keep a sane relationship with them. For me. I can't let them in too far. Of course when the holidays roll around, or a birthday celebration, it gets messy.

Father's Day was a small train wreck. I had a weak moment and decided to go to dinner with my husband's dad, his stepmom and the kids on Saturday, the night before. There was a long, let me say VERY LONG wait at the restaurant. His step mom starting getting weirded out. She couldn't sit still and we tried to make the best of the moment. Thankfully after an hour we were seated but the weirdness stepped up a bit. She ordered a glass of wine. Big mistake.
The alcohol accelerated her mood and she was loopy. She was giving the waiter a hard time about the menu. Complaining about the service. Loudly complaining about the wait for the salad bar.
She was putting me on the edge. I wanted the evening to end and everyone to finish dinner quickly. It's one thing to be uncomfortable with her at home but when it's in a public place, not so much.
We survived the evening. The only good thing about being in public with her is that when it's over, we go home. No whining that we're leaving her house. No dancing around with the kids because she's had four too many glasses of wine to drink. We just get to walk away and drive home.

Fourth of July weekend came and I thought it was going to be peaceful. We only made plans with my parents and a few friends. Tried to keep it low key. We went to church on Sunday morning before heading to the beach for the rest of the day.

It was nearing the end of the day at the beach and we were planning on going home and enjoying a nice evening with my parents coming over to our house. Then my husband gets a phone call while we're trying to load up the van. I gave him a look like are you really going to answer that now? Call who ever it is back. He quickly brushed off the caller, promising to call them back.

Then his phone chimes that he has a text. You'd think that he would wait until we're leaving to read it. But he just couldn't. It was from his dad. He was telling him that the cops were on their way to his house and that his wife was trying to have him arrested for abuse and holding her against her will. What the hell??!!

My husband turns to me and angrily says " I should have taken that phone call! I can't believe that I listened to you."

"Are you kidding me??! You're blaming me??!" I defended my actions. "As if taking that phone call was going to change anything!"

I was glad that my parents were standing there with us. They sympathized that my husband was upset but defended me as well.

I've had about enough of his family's crisis' and shenanigans. At that moment the thoughts that ran through my mind were, what now? What are we going to be expected to do? What has that crazy woman done THIS time?


Without going into more detail and making this post much longer, I'll briefly summarize the rest of it.

My husband went to his dad's house that evening, ending the rest of our fun for that day. His dad was not arrested. His step mom was arrested after attempting to attack his father in front of the officers and announcing she was going to kill him. She was taken to a mental health treatment center for observation. She was supposed to be held for 72 hours but was released after 12 hours after accepting their recommendations to seek treatment.

Currently, I am fed up with the situation. The relationship between his father and step mom are like when some one is being abused. The abusee thinks it their fault and they love the abuser, despite the crap that they put them through. That is where is dad is, he loves her and he is blaming himself for her problems. I personally believe that nothing will change. She will continue to drink, take her pills and cause problems, even if she goes to a treatment center. I used to have sympathy for his dad when dealing with her. Not anymore. So here we are, seven days away from Little E's birthday and ten from his party. I am going to take a firm stance that she not attend.

I know that my expectations are going to come with repercussions. My husband is not going to agree with me and if his step mom is not welcomed, then his father won't come. She doesn't know that we know what happened. Another issue that bothers me. His father doesn't want her to know that he told his son. Where do I with this? What do I do? I'm stuck in the middle.

PYHO:Frustrated

This weekend started out as one of the best of this summer. We took the kids to the beach, we spent most of the day there. We had to leave earlier than planned because the ocean high tide came in earlier than expected, and farther into the shore. That should have been a sign.

Monday was going to be a busy day of washing laundry from the weekend, including wet bathing suits and damp towels and doing some house work. Best laid plans. Monday morning welcomed a stomach bug for me. For twelve hours I spent my time on my bed or in the bathroom. I will leave those details to the imagination. My husband, my knight in shining armor, came home from work to tend to the kids and do laundry for me.

I could not physically stand in the kitchen long enough to make breakfast for my kids. It really sucked for me.

What bothers me the most.? I can never get ahead. Just when things are going well, I get a curve ball and knocked out.

I'm behind on my housework again, but it's my day off from work. I didn't want to spend today doing ALL that house work plus more and ignore the kids. If I never get my regular work done, how will I ever get the computer/craft room reorganized? How will I find the time to paint the living room? I can hardly find the time to blog, let alone get anything extra done? I feel like I'm running in circles!

Either I choose to neglect the current housework and tackle an organizing task that could consume hours or shove the organizing aside like I've been doing for months... I thought I might do it this summer.