Tuesday, May 17, 2011

PYHO: Unhappy Holidays

Holidays, birthdays, celebrations and get togethers should be fun and enjoyable. I think once upon a time those events were something to enjoy. Now I dread when another holiday is rounding the corner. I actually stress out about it before it ever happens. It shouldn't be this way. But after getting married, you add another person's family to the mix.

Family. Family is complicated enough without having complicated people to make it worse. Before kids, life was good. There were no calls to see where we were going. But it changed after Miss K was born, it all went downhill after that.

Whose house are we going for Christmas Eve? Christmas morning? Dinner? How long does each grandparent get at their house? Can we come back after being at so and so's house for dessert? You're not coming here for Easter? Will you be making it for your dad's birthday? Fourth of July?
All those questions that drive me crazy. But it has gotten worse over the years. It has gotten to the point that if we make plans a few weeks in advance with one family another one is bound to ask us to do something. And when we decline the second offer, that person gets snippy. It's beyond ridiculous!
Mother's Day is no exception to the rule. My husband's step mother is the one who has made me dread the one day, besides my birthday, that I should be enjoying. We've even had rude phone calls between each other because she expects us to spend the holiday with her. She is not his mother! She has never been regarded that way. Although in her twisted mind, she some how thinks that she is more of a mother to my husband and his brother, than their own.
This year was like no other. She was asking yet again if we would be coming to their condo to visit. Nope. I flat out told her in person that we would be spending the day with our mothers.
Even after I told her our plans, she continued to whine about how we never go to see them. She has lost her mind. Of course even with her out of the way, Mother's Day was not centered around this mama. We spent our day taking care of hubs' mom and mine. I really wish that sometimes we lived a bit farther away.
Now that Father's Day is approaching she has already started her crap. My husband mentioned a few days ago about going to this nice italian restaurant on Father's Day with his dad, step mom,my parents and us with the kids. It was his dad and step mom's idea. I figured I should test the water on this one with my father since he usually likes to go on a guy's fishing trip with my brother and husband.
After suggesting the idea to my dad about going to dinner on FD, he scowled. He said he doesn't want to spend his day eating out with mobs of people. Ugh. I figured it was a no go even before asking since 1. he does not like italian food and 2. he does not like to drive more than ten minutes away to go to dinner. 3. If he's going to eat at an expensive restaurant he is going to choose the place.
So I told the hubs last night that we will have to make different plans with my dad. No problem.
Yeah right!! I get a text last night from "step monster". She tells me that the restaurant does not reservations for less than 10 people. Obviously she is assuming that my parents are going so I reply that we have nine, not including my parents, but including my husband's brother and his family. She flat out writes back "We are not paying for Steve's family". What?!

She obviously was not inviting her husband's other son! She has some nerve. I told her that my parents would not be going. She didn't like that answer. The conversation continued on back and forth and then she tells me the menu prices $18-29 a plate. Oh my. I realize that this place might not be "kid friendly" and check out some websites with reviews on the restaurant. It's got mixed reviews. Good food, but so so service.

I decided that I wasn't keen on taking the kids to a fancy shmancy restaurant where we might get treated differently because we have children under the age of 10. We did that once in Daytona and we were seated on the other side of the restaurant where there was NO ONE. I suggested to my husband that maybe we should go to a more family friendly restaurant for Father's Day and go to this place another time. He agreed.

Then the "step monster" starts texting again about going on Saturday night on FD weekend and I tell her I'll let her know after we figure out what we're doing for my dad. The tone changes. She abruptly tells me that she is taking his dad. She tells me to make sure I tell my husband what HER plans are. Uh huh. Will do, biatch. She has struck a nerve with me and I begin ranting and fuming about her attitude.
I'm done. I told my husband that I want to move far enough away that we are not expected to go to things like this and can send a card for these days. I'm over the drama. As far as I'm concerned we're spending Father's Day alone. Our kids and us. It's his day too.
I'm not looking forward to Memorial Day weekend. The psycho drama is beyond my threshold.


Caseylk said...

wow, why do people have to make things so hard and complicated? This mothers day we spent it at my nephews baseball game and I have to say I loved it. IT was just a wonderful day to be with the whole family and it was relaxing with no drama. It probably helps that my parents are the only ones local. I am sorry she was such biotch. That totally sucks

Making It Work Mom said...

Ugh!  Your post makes me so happy we don't have any "local" family.  We established long ago that on all major holidays (the exception being Thanksgiving where we make the ultimate sacrifice and go to my in-laws) would be spent at our house with our three children.  It was important to us to establish our own family traditions.  We are more than happy to include anyone else in our plans IF  they want to come to us and if they want to do what we have planned.

Good Luck! 

Kim said...

Oh boy do I hear you on this.  I put my foot down on Mother's Day. I told my husband that we can see his mom the day before or the following weekend but Mother' sDay has got to be for me. I dread most holidays for this exact reason! 

crazykindofmom said...

I have no idea why she creates havoc. Last year she had an issue about the location of Miss K's birthday party and we had an argument about it. In the end, my father in law and the step mom did not come.

crazykindofmom said...

After we got married I wanted to move out of state. I knew that we would have family issues later on down the road. 

crazykindofmom said...

 I want to have that life. I have tried to put my foot down before. This is positively the last straw. I am done. done done.

Caseylk said...

Seems like highschool drama never leaves us

Casey Kolb

Beth Easterling said...

For real.  We have recently made our own (as in just my daughter, my husband and me) family tradition for Christmas--we go to Disney World and nip a bunch of problems in the bud before they get started.  :) 

Good luck to you.  I'm sure this can be tough. 

shellthings said...

Oh yikes. She does sound like a stepmonster! 

angelshrout said...

My mom is the only remaining in law in our relationship and she lives right behind us due to her declining health. When My dad was still alive he threw a hissy cause we have ALWAYS done Christmas  Eve at my mom's. I told him scuse me but you walked out on US and until the last 10 years have not had time for us. Suck it up and deal with it, if you wanted to spend time with us you should have made it more of a point long before now. He shut up

crazykindofmom said...

 For sure!

crazykindofmom said...

 My husband suggested today that we go to Sea World, with our annual passes, on Father's Day. I think that it will settle the issue.  At least for now.

crazykindofmom said...

 She could have cared less about my husband and his brother when they were younger, they were just in her way of having their dad all to herself.  She couldn't wait to get them out of the house. Now she wants to make out like she is some wonderful person. Which leaves me shaking my head.

Tara R. said...

Exactly the reason we live 100s of miles from any of our parents. Good luck with the coming holidays.

Cyndy DysFUNctional Mom said...

 I have had to put my foot down with both of our families due to this same kind of stuff.  Some holidays, we spend at home, just me hubby and the kids.  This Mother's Day was one of them.  Others we visit one parent or the other but NOT both. I'm done having my holidays ruined by stress and drama.