I want to be me

I woke up feeling like the world was closing in on me. I blame it partly on the fact that I stopped taking my anti depressants a few weeks ago. It's been tough and I had my first appointment a week and half ago with my psychologist. I am looking forward to my next appointment on April 1st. I have been using the "exercises" she suggested to calm myself but it's been hard. I have been suppressing my feelings again and I am finding it harder to find some one to talk to in the meantime.
Only a handful of my friends outside of the blog know my situation and I have only been able to talk to one of them lately. So it makes it hard to be able to get it off my chest. I hate feeling inadequate. I have struggled with self acceptance for years and I am my worst enemy.
I don't like to hide who I am to other people, because if I knew that they would accept me as who I really am, then I would show them the real me.
But I don't think they could handle the real me. I a neurotic person with an Obsessive Compulsive Personality who likes to control every situation. I am a pessimist. I always see life without rainbows and sunshiny faces. I will find the bad in most situations and who wants to hear that? I am just being practical. I would rather set myself up for the worst to happen and if it doesn't then I wasn't let down. Does that make sense?
I want to be liked. I am a good person who knows how to love. Just because I am not a cookie cutter personality does not make me bad. We're all different. Why can't any one understand that? We're supposed to love each other.
I feel like I have to try harder than most to keep relationships with girl friends. If I could just be who I am.....