Thursday, September 29, 2011

PYHO: Purity Starts at Seven

I know that I am led to see or read things in my life. I believe in fate. Maybe even a little bit of pre destiny. This morning while getting my daughter's hair ready for school, it's school picture day, she talked about the last time she was at the dentist's office. Maybe it was because we were making a big fuss with how her hair looked. She said to me " the man dentist asked me if I had a boyfriend". I looked at her like what?

"I told him noooo", Miss K answered innocently "and then he said oh, by the next time you come to get your teeth cleaned, I'm sure you will". She was looking at me with question in her eyes as if I had an explanation as to why he would say that.

Heck I don't know why! Why would he ask my eight year old daughter a question like that? I know that she is a very pretty little girl, she'll knock you down with her gorgeous eyes. I may be partial because I'm her mother, but seriously, she is beautiful.

So maybe he figured that being such a pretty little girl, she would have a boyfriend. I really don't know.

This was the opening to the moment I plan on having with her later. At the time, I didn't know it. I get a monthly newsletter from Crosswalk and it my email today, there was a parenting newsletter titled Sexual Purity Starts at Seven.

God was talking to me again. He opened my eyes this morning with Miss K's conversation and if I had not had that conversation, I probably would have never read this email. But it caught my eye because my awareness has been piqued.

I want to share this newsletter with you because sexual relations amongst preteens and teens is on the rise. I want to try my best to keep my daughter from making the same mistakes I made when I was a young teenager and the first step is awareness.

Sexual Purity Starts at Seven

Dannah Gresh

By the time she is sixteen, a Christian girl has a 50/50 chance of surviving life without the experiences of sexual sin, eating disorders and depression. Parents who “did everything right” can’t understand how it happened when their daughter falls on the wrong side of the stats. What they don’t know is that they may have done everything right, but started too late. The foundation for building an emotionally healthy teen girl -- who stands free from the norms of an at-risk culture -- is built between the ages of 8-12.
I have to hold myself back every time a white-haired grandma leans in to her pig-tailed granddaughter and teasingly asks her, “So, do you have a boyfriend?” This, usually said with a chuckle and a batting of the eyes, is generally meant to be just silly conversation, but I know too much to consider it to be cute. It is dangerous.  Being in a dating relationship for six months or longer is a significant risk factor for early teen sexual activity. Can you see why it might not be “cute” for our 8-12 year olds to be boy crazy or to have multiple boyfriends while they are still in the fourth grade? If she develops the pattern of “needing” a guy when she is eight or nine, she’s going to be in many six-month relationships in her early teen years. That’s not wise. Let’s help her stay off the boy crazy train.
I have two sixteen-year-old girls who have not only stayed off of it, but have managed to pull a few friends off. How do you navigate through boy craziness? There are three critical things you must do to prepare your princess to be successful in her quest for purity. First, you’ll need to have the big sex talk. Don’t think for a minute that it’s too early. Experts agree that sexual value formation begins when a child is between the ages of 8-10. A healthy, age-appropriate conversation during those years is critical. Second, you need to begin to establish your family philosophy on dating and begin to explain it to your child in stages. This will begin with the first stage of teaching her to related to boys as friends, not boyfriends in fourth grade! Finally, mom, it’s time to start dreaming of her future. If you take the time now to establish a dream of purity and a white wedding dress in her heart, she will know what to aim for and will be less likely to settle for anything less.
The book of Proverbs describes a virtuous woman. It says that she does her husband good “all the days of her life.” I think that includes when she’s seven!
*Article originally posted November 2009 on

I knew that I would need to start having the "talk" with her, but I never realized that it may be sooner than later. And I'm okay with that. 


Kristen said...

We just had the "talk" with our seven year old daughter about two weeks ago. She was overhearing things on the bus from the 5th graders. Really?! 5th grade?! They all have older siblings and I am sure it is all trickle down but I didn't want it trickling down to my 7 yr old without her understanding it all and knowing the facts. I never thought I would have to do this at this age either but I'm glad we got the lines of communication open and the trust flowing.

shellthings said...

I never thought about having that talk that young either! 

Lori said...

It happens so early, doesn't it?  I kind of knocks you down how fast it gets here!  You'll be so thankful you shared Christ's ways with her!