Wednesday, February 1, 2012

PYHO: Drawing the Line

I tried feverishly without any luck to find a previous post to give back information on the post I am writing about. Of course, I'm not very good at always labeling my posts and cannot find the one I want. I thought for sure that it was a PYHO that I posted it in, but I cannot seem to find it. so hopefully for those of you who read my blog regularly, you'll remember this person. If not, I hope that I can give you enough back ground.

When do I draw the line? Or where do I draw the line? This friend of mine has made decisions and said things that have bothered me before and being the good friend, I let them go.

 When we first became friends it was just she and I. We spent time together, having long conversations and enjoying each others company. One of the conversations was about when they used to have a playroom in their house before their youngest was born. They used to have the children of their guests play in there with their own children. After their youngest was born, instead of letting other children play in their kid's rooms with their kids they forbade it.

I didn't think much of it. She told me that the rule applied to her sister's kids because they were destructive and broke toys and made messes they didn't clean up.

The first time we got our families together, my kids were allowed in the bedrooms. I thought nothing of it.

A few times later, we showed up to closed bedroom doors. It wasn't noticed until Little E attempted to go into her boys' room and was told he wasn't allowed. That struck a nerve. 


My kids have never been allowed to leave some one elses house without helping to clean up and we have never broken a toy. So what the hell happened?

Of course I let it go. I never said anything. Which I regret now.

I thought subtlety sending the message that if she was going to dis include my kids, then I would be the same way. But it only lasted so long at my house.

My husband and I decided that we would limit the playing to either Miss K's room or Little E's. We alternated it each time. We haven't been together with our families in awhile and the kids were really excited about having their friends over. I still had my rule of one room open. It was a bad night for me and maybe I was just feeling weak and didn't want to argue.

Miss K asked me if she and one of the girls could go in her room and the rest of the crew play in Little E's. Sure, why not.

You would think a child the age of eleven, my friend's oldest, would be the most responsible. Maybe when they're keeping a close eye on him. He should have been the one keeping an eye on the little ones to prevent breaking toys, but he broke several toys that belonged to Little E.

You know how it goes though. They don't say they broke the toy. The kids bring it to me and tell me it needs new batteries. I was a little surprised since the toy was only three weeks old. I complied and replaced the batteries. Yeah, it didn't fix the problem. After further inspection,it was discovered the toy was broken. A toy that I don't know where to buy, since I have never seen one in the store. One that was a gift from my older brother to my son.

The icing on the cake. My friend never offered to replace it or even half attempt to. Not that I would have let her pay for it, but the offer would have settled my mind. So now I am unsettled about it.

So the line has been drawn. I'm not sure if I should say something? We're pretty close of friends, or at least I thought so. Do I risk the friendship? It is that petty? I know that if I don't say anything, my actions will speak louder than words. The next get together at my house, you'll be sure to know that the bedrooms doors will be locked. The message will be loud and clear. Even without words.

I am linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say for her weekly meme, Pour Your Heart Out. Link up and join, read others, support those who have poured their heart out this week.


angelshrout said...

This so sounds like my great nieces and nephews. They will come to my house and run rampant while their parents act as if they are not even there. They destroy my kids rooms then just leave. I have stood at the door and informed their parents they need to clean up their messes and they half heartedly make them clean it up, but still never all the way. I have finally explained that if THEY cannot monitor their children and ensure they don't leave a mess from room to room to not come over with them if  am already busy with stuff. Did they get ticked YEP but your 'friend' needs to expect the same treatment she metes out to others so readily.

Missy | Literal Mom said...

Tough, tough situation.  I've been on both sides a few times and it's really hard to know how to handle.  I'm non-confrontational though, so that makes it REALLY hard, you know?  

Kristen said...

I'm not the best with confrontations but I think if this person is really a good friend, I would put it something like "My older son was really upset that the present he bought for Little E was broken and we can't replace it. I think we are going to adopt your rule for playroom only and put the more special toys away out of reach."  You aren't blaming anyone and you are just doing what she does. If she is upset with you for that...that's when you know there is a bigger problem. Good luck! xo!

shellthings said...

Oh yikes. I'm not good with confrontation, either. I think though, if my kids weren't allowed in their rooms, I wouldn't let them in my kids' rooms when they were over, either.

Rach B. said...

Oh stuff like this is so tricky.  It gets awkward sometimes when there are kids involved.  I'm sorry you're in this.  Maybe distance wouldn't be a bad thing.

Littlesomethingforme said...

Yeah. You could always just say the next time - we thought your rule was so great we decided to adopt it here too. Thanks for the idea. :)  That is what I would do...

CrazyKindofMom said...

That is a good idea and a great way to say it. Thank you!

CrazyKindofMom said...

Thanks for the advice. Distance sounds good.

CrazyKindofMom said...

I talk big and have had my share of confrontations with people and some friends, but I prefer to avoid it. It seems like the consensus is to do as they do.

CrazyKindofMom said...

Thanks girl. I am waiting until the next time we get together with them and I will be presenting the new "house rules".

CrazyKindofMom said...

It does. I was very disturbed that she didn't offer to pay for the toy, considering that was her reason for starting the same rule in her house. Not much I can do, but prevent it from happening again.

CrazyKindofMom said...

I know that my desire for cleanliness and being OCD, it's hard for me to let other kids run rampant in my kid's rooms. And I try to be open minded with friends, whom I thought saw eye to eye on the same things. But I draw the line now. You learn from mistakes.