The laundry is only the tip of the iceberg. The lack of motivation is spilling over into other areas as well. My dusting in the house. The filing of papers. My coupon cutting. I am becoming so overwhelmed with the unfinished work that I don't know where to start. This behavior is so unlike me that it is really aggravating me.
I feel like a failure. In my own mind I'm failing at something. I'm not sure what anyone else thinks, because the only ones witnessing this are the kids and my husband. My husband is not a neat freak, so it's not going to bother him. Miss K follows in her dad's footsteps so she is not fazed by it. And Little E, he's not really old enough to realize how OCD I am.
The bigger issue I have with not finishing the regular day to day chores is, that I can't even justify starting on other chores that have manifested through out this. The season have changed, both kids have outgrown some clothes and I need to get the excess stuff out of their rooms. It's piling up. My garage looks like the beginnings of Hoarders. Seriously. It's scary.
The pressure of all this is taking a toll on my personality and I lashed out at my husband about it. So many of our weekends have been compromised by other events that I have no spare time to catch up. Some have been for pleasure. Thanks to Spring Break. Some have been due to family emergencies. Which you can't blame.
I need more time!
I need another me!
I need to let go and stop beating myself up.
How do you tell a perfectionist, obsessive compulsive, clean freak that it's ok that the dogs haven't been bathed and seriously need it, the dust behind the tv's will be ok for another week and that no body cares that you have three weeks of three Sunday newspapers sitting on your front porch. At least I live on a dirt road.
And if you only knew the rest.
5 comments:
Are you looking through my window. While I am far from OCD I try to keep up the house and stuff. Since mom has passed I have taken I don't care attitude. We are hosting the Easter get together this weekend here at our house. The one that looks like it got struck by a couple of tornados. I make lists of things to get done and get started only to get drawn away by something else that catches my eyes that need done as well. There are not enough hours or days. My older sister , whose son and family are coming in was like I will help you clean cause I am so domestic. Umm no, she wipes off counters and leaves water standing on them where she can't ring out a rag. Then if she uses the rag she simply tosses it in the sink, won't rinse it out, nothing meaning by afternoon it reeks, which drives me battier. I think you and I just need to run away.
Did you describe me on your blog? Because that isn't nice ;0) I know your pain. And my only suggestion is one thing at a time. And deep breathing. It's very helpful in the overwhelming times. I know how hard it is to get caught up, I think I've been playing caught up for five years now. It's good that you have a family that doesn't mind, I have a husband who loves to "notice" the things that aren't done and finds certain choice times to mention them in his loving, careful way. He is the perfectionist and I'm the OCD one and together we can cause all kind of heck. So... hang in there. And look at the bright side. The laundry is clean (and no one had to go naked), the house is still standing, and everyone is still breathing at the end of the day. It's a successful day!
If ONLY there was more time. I sure feel that way and often!!!
My house is a wreck right now. I sat in the middle of it this morning and cried at how overwhelmed I felt about not even knowing where to start.
You need to first let it go and stop being so hard on yourself. I know it is hard. I am a neat freak too and it has taken me a long time to realize that having things dusted and just so aren't what make life enjoyable. I used to say no to too many things because I couldn't relax until the chores were done. Now, I am easier on myself and it makes it a lot easier on everyone else in my family too. Don't pressure yourself to death. Enjoy your husband and those beautiful kids of yours! :-)
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