Meeting a Blogger in Real Life

Do you ever look forward to meeting some one for the first time and then after wards you feel like, "why didn't I say this or that?!" I am not really a shy person but for some reason I turned speech less.
This weekend I got the opportunity to take my family to Tampa, FL for a photo shoot with Jennifer McKinney aka McKMama. I was excited to be able to line up a shoot because I found out she was coming to Florida the previous Sunday.
We arrived in Tampa, Ybor City and hour and 45 minutes early on Saturday and I checked Twitter to see if she had changed locations. She was on a lunch break after taking a full morning of shoots. I texted Jennifer to tell her I was there and it was as if we were real friends. We had some silly banter about where she was sitting and locating what vehicle I was driving. I really felt at ease about meeting one of my favorite bloggers and having her take photos of my children.

But after we met and she introduced herself to the kids I really didn't want to get in her way. For me, our time was on a professional level and she was working. We chatted a few times, once about my booking being lucky right before she came to Florida and about how my hubby didn't want photos taken of him. ( We got him to do a few.) But I really wish I hadn't been so tongue tied.
I think I was like in a dream. I know it's corny, but when you actually get to meet a blog writer that you have been reading for quite some time it's surreal. It's like, "wow they actually exist and they are a real person." It's funny how you read about some one's life and you feel as if you know them on a personal level. I really wanted to give Jennifer a hug at the end of my shoot, but I wasn't sure how she would take that. I'm such a worrier.

I was so excited to see her little baby Lachlan and meet her sister, Hillary at the end of our shoot. Her children are so adorable and seeing her newest addition in person gave me that "awwww" moment. I wish the little guy hadn't been so fussy, but he was hungry for his mama. I would have loved to give him a snuggle.

After leaving Tampa and getting back on the interstate to drive the two hour trip home, I had those "why didn't I do this, or say that" moments. I hate that. I wish I hadn't been so speech less.

Pour Your Heart Out: Hiding Behind the Proud

I know this is a day late, but I wanted to link up this week.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

I have avoided posting about this because of fear. Fear about what others might think about me. Fear that I will be judged. But this is who I am and who I was.
Do you what it's like to not be able to control yourself? It starts with something agitating you and then you lose your temper. But it doesn't stop there, it boils over and before you know it everything around you scratches at you and you lash out at anyone in your path. Not physically, but verbally lashing. When it's all over and you've calmed down, you feel guilt. HUGE GUILT. You apologize and those that you have affected accept your apology and you go on. You say it won;t happen again, but it does. Again and again and again.
It gets worse, each time escalating into more. And before you know it, you don't who you are. Who is this person that I am or have become? You tell yourself that you're going to stop being that way. You pray to God that he will give you the strength to control yourself. Then something happens, you're running late to work and you lash out and scream at everyone. You blame God for not giving you the strength and will power to hold yourself together. You blame everyone else for making the problems. If only the kids moved faster and didn't dawdle in the morning. If only that guy in the car in front of you would go faster, you wouldn't have to get mad. It's their fault, not yours. Spiraling out of control you finally break down and go against what you didn't want to do. Get medical help.
After one awful morning of running late, yelling at the kids you finally make the call. Practically in tears with the receptionist you tell them why you want to see the doctor. She fits you an appointment that morning. You breath a sigh of relief that you might finally be able to end the chaos, the rage.
The doctor prescribes you with some medicine and schedules you for a follow up appointment in one month. After two weeks on the pills, you actually feel normal. Things that once bothered you don't seem to matter as much but there is still an edginess to certain occurrences. You see the doctor again and he increases your dosage and adds more pills. After a week of taking the new combination you notice that life is better enjoyed. That your kids don't have that look of worry on their faces when they spill milk all over the table. You actually laugh at the spectacle of spilled milk dripping on the floor.
Is this what normal is? Why was it so hard to admit that I had a problem that I couldn't solve myself? That I needed help. Was I too proud?

Prayers for Gavin

I believe in the power of prayer. The more prayers being said I believe that God will hear us. One of the blogs that I read posted today about a friend's newborn baby that was born 5 weeks early. This story touched my heart and I am passing this along to my readers. Please take a moment and read the story and pray for Baby Gavin and his family. Let's pray that he leaves the NICU and goes home to his family soon!

Conscience Thoughts

Are you ever presented with a problem or something that you don't agree with that some one close to you is doing or has done? You wish you could say something that let's them know you don't agree but by doing this you risk creating a problem.
I'm not one to create dissension with people and usually just swallow my words. Well that's not wholly true because I am quite outspoken usually when something bothers me. I don't like to keep my feelings in because "bottling things" up will eventually tear you down or worse you will explode with emotions, hate and venom.
This is quite a viscous cycle right now because I can't say what I want to say. Maybe that is just the point and who am I to judge? I am not the eternal judge and that day will come. But ethically what they are doing is wrong (in my eyes) and I'm sure many others and I want to tell them that. I hate dilemmas.
I'm going to take this moment to throw caution to the wind. This is not my problem and I will not let it tear me down. Let their conscience bother them. I'm sure it does but they have chosen to ignore it. Why should I let it bother me? It's not my problem.

A place in my heart

Do you ever wonder who your "real" friends are? I don't think about it too much because it might be just a waste of time. I have had a few recent incidents that gave me reason to reflect on this subject. My sister in law is turning 30 this month and I wanted to make sure the day was celebrated with friends. When I turned 30 four years ago she threw me a party at her house which really was special for me. She invited a few a my friends and several of her friends. I thought the least I could do was try and give her the same kind of thing.
I called her husband about what he had planned and pretty much as far as he had gotten was getting a sitter and going to dinner. I was hoping to keep my ideas a secret but he spoke to her about it. So she and I exchanged some text messages about ideas and she wasn't sure our friends would come. I asked her why not and she said they didn't come to her party last year. I told her " you plan the party, invite them and if they don't come, then eff em." (MY exact words) I told her that they have done the same crap to me. But when the tables are turned and they invite us to something they EXPECT us to show up. And if we don't we get the guilt trip. Friends don't treat friends like that.
I have come to realize, well.. I've known this for awhile...they are not TRUE friends. It really doesn't matter to me anymore. Years ago I would have wept that these people didn't like me and I was lonely and would have done anything to hang with them. Not anymore. I don't have time to waste on petty crap. I think when I met these "friends" that they were different people or at least I thought they were different people and since the years have gone by I have grown apart from them.
It's like that poem..Friends for a reason, a season, a lifetime a year. You know the one? They were stepping stones. They were there when I needed them and they needed me. I have found many more friends and great people from being friends with them. I would not have met two of my best friends if I had not met them. It was meant to be. It's funny how things like that happen.
I have found some real friends through the paths and relationships with other friends. The old friends will not be forgotten, for they will always have a place in my heart, just not on the top anymore.

5QF: 01/07/11

Getting back into the regular routine, or at least trying to I'm feeling like a fresh start on the new year would be to participate in Mama M's 5QF! I have been slacking in the posting department and I've got a whole lotta ideas for posts, but I have to find the time to write them. So getting my feet wet, so to speak, I'm stepping out on Friday! I LOVE FRIDAYS!




1. What is your current favorite book, and why? Simplicity's Simply The Best Sewing Book. I just got this book for Christmas, along with a brand new sewing machine! I have been reading it and can't wait to get to the chapters that get me started on sewing. I attempted to sew some pillows before the holidays and was using a Sewing Genie. What a joke! Now that I'm going to be well read on sewing, I can't wait to finish my pillows and attempt to make my very own apron for the kitchen. Wish me luck!



2. Do you go to the dentist regularly? I actually just started going regularly last year. I went for my first cleaning in almost 15 years. Yep, sad. I went because I was having trouble with a wisdom tooth that needs to be removed and they found a few cavities. So I've been going regularly now.

3. What is your worst memory from High School? I told a deep dark secret (it is now) to a "friend" ad she told other people, one of them being my older brother. He was a senior and I was a freshman at the time. It was pretty humiliating to hear him complain to my mother about it but it was much worse to hear about people gossiping about your secret. Sadly, this secret haunted me all four years of high school. One reason I couldn't wait to graduate.

4. What do you hope to be remembered for in your life? First of all, I hope to be remembered. It's like having a birthday party and no one attending. I know that my family would be there and I know that those are the people that matter most. I want my children to be able to say, she was an amazing, loving mom. That their mother was the inspiration in their lives and was their cheerleader, coach, ring leader and friend. I want them to have the courage to go on when I have left this earth and the good qualities I have taught them to reflect from them.

5. Are you superstitious or do you have any superstitions? Both. I have never broken a mirror for fear of bad luck. Walking under a ladder doesn't creep me out but a black cat crossing my path! Yikes! I've had black cats run out in front of my car going down the road and it freaks me out! Spilled salt on a table? Oh yeah! I definitely make sure I throw some over my back. You can never be too careful. My husband laughs at me when I do that. I've done it in a restaurant and he laughs at me. I gotta watch my back.

Well folks, that's it for Friday! Hope you have a great weekend!

Read The Sign

Do you ever pay attention to the sign in the ladies dressing room when you walk in? The one that tells you out of courtesy of other guests that you should take out the garments you are trying on and put them back on the return rack. I know I'm not the only one who has ever read it, but lately I feel like I'm the only person who abides by it. No, it's not a law but ladies it is common courtesy to remove the clothing that YOU brought into the dressing room.

I went shopping at my local department store the other day and when I went to find an available dressing room I wasn't sure which ones were being occupied or not because of all the clothes hanging on the hooks. Since I had both kids with me and had contained Little E in his portable stroller I would have normally chosen the handicapped, much larger room. It was pretty busy so I squeezed the stroller, myself and Miss K in a smaller room. I hung the clothes I wanted to try on on the last available hook in the room and was disgusted to find clothes on the floor!

It really irks me that people leave clothes hanging in the dressing rooms but to leave them un hung on a pile in the floor?!! Seriously ladies, didn't your mothers teach you anything? I might understand this coming from the rich, spoiled women in some of the wealthier parts of town but not here where I live. I can only gather that the majority of ladies (well lady, might be even a far cry from what they should be called) in this town are a bunch of lazy ingrates.

Just because there are sales personnel that work in these department stores that are paid to put away the clothes that you didn't want, couldn't fit into or just felt like admiring yourself in doesn't mean they enjoy picking up after you. Have a little common sense and pick up after yourselves! I don't enjoy walking into a dressing room and having to pick up the clothes that you left on the floor, the sitting chair and every available hook.

I had to vent about this dilemma because more and more lately this has been a common problem when I go clothing shopping. Most stores can't employ enough staff to have a dressing room attendant to give you a number and keep track of the amount you take in and out. So it's left up to US to remove what we took in. How hard is that? Maybe this just hits a nerve in me because I have always worked in the retail world from gas stations, jewelry stores, supermarkets and department stores. I guess I just have a heart for the ladies who are stuck cleaning out those dressing rooms.

What is this world coming to today? This is just another one of my pet peeves that I had to get off my chest.