Pieces of the puzzle

I have many regrets in my life that I used to wish I didn't have. Things that I have done and have been done to me. Today..for some reason I can accept them. It's the only choice I have because unless I can invent a time machine, there is no way I can change what they are. So I am not going to call them regrets but pieces to the puzzle. They are what make up who I am and lead me to where I'm going. Pieces to my puzzle are already cut out..God has already planned what he wants me to do and who I am to be. I pick my paths and make the choices along the way hopefully now following the path that God wants me to. So the pictures on each piece is not yet decided until I get there. Some of them have nothing on them..yet...all in due time.

I can safely say that those past experiences have molded me into who I am and have given me a better perspective on how I want to go on in my life. They are choices that I didn't want to make or wish I had not made then, now that I look back at them. This past Sunday during church, our Pastor was giving his pastoral prayer and it was as if he read my heart. He spoke about some people dealing with the past and having a hard time right now. It really helped me to let go of those things. I had been having a hard time accepting those "experiences" and God was telling me through him that it was ok to let go. That my sins were forgiven and to not let them hold me back.
What a relief I've had since Sunday. It was like a weight was lifted off my chest. Knowing that God has forgiven me allows me to forgive myself.

"Wee-Man"

E -2007

"Wee-Man" is a nickname my husband gave our son sometime after he was born. Not like he was a small baby weighing in at 9lbs 5 oz, by any means. But he is a "wee" version of my husband along with mommy's good looks.

I miss those days when he was still a babe in my arms and the only care was when the next bottle was. Then I think about his personality now. He is such a tender, caring, curious little boy. I look forward to his last goodbye kiss when I leave him at daycare and never miss that wave from the window. Just thinking about it now warms my heart.
He is such a blessing from God. He couldn't have given me a better little boy to take care of and love. Counting my blessings today.

Not my week! Monday post

Welcome to Not Me! Monday where you can see what things I have "not" been doing all week.

I claim to be an organized person. I packed the diaper bag for my husband to take to a birthday party on Saturday afternoon since we're potty training Little E. I packed him enough underwear, a change of jeans, a couple of pull-ups for the drive and some wipes. By Sunday morning I figured that said bag still had enough pull-ups when going to church yesterday morning. So I didn't check the contents. I would never not check the bag before leaving the house, NOT ME!

Of course because of my laziness, it was going to bite me in the butt. After service, during our coffee fellowship K tells me that Little E is stinky. Thankfully he was in a pull-up for that. I grab the diaper bag and dig to the spot where more pull-ups should have been. Empty!! Hubby tells me he put the last one on Little E for the 50 minute drive home from the party. So I had no choice but to put E in his underwear for the drive home from church, risking a potty accident. Thankfully, E is doing quite well with the potty training and no more accidents happened.

I did not forget to put away my belt Sunday morning before leaving to go to church. And I did not leave the same belt on top of my dog's crate, who has separation anxiety,to allow him to pull it into his crate. I did not chase him around the back yard after getting home and finding my favorite belt ruined. I would never chase and yell at my dog for my mistake. Nope, not me!

I was not in the mood for laundry this week. I always wash a few random loads during the week, then dry them, fold them and put them away. I would never leave a load in the dryer. Not me! I would never wash another load, late at night, and not remove the first load from the dryer and put the wet ones in on top of the dry ones. Not me!

I did not bake a cake for my husband's birthday yesterday. Then frost it, put it in a cake taker and forget about it when we went out to dinner. I also did not forget to mention it when we ordered desserts from the restaurant. Not me!
Thankfully, hubby's birthday is Tuesday and we will be eating cake tomorrow.

This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can now head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.

Not Me! Monday

I would never smack my husband's arm when he turned his iPhone to a game during church service. Not me! Then after he tried to attempt the same game again, thinking he resolved the sound problem, snap out his name during service.

I did not bring a 120zbag of M&M's, that I bought for $2.47, to the movies on Sunday to avoid that $5.50 6oz bag. Nope not me. And I did not tell my kids to be quiet about the same bag that I had hidden in Little E's drink bag. No....I would never be a dishonest person and involve my kids in it.

I did not bring a paper lunch bag to the same movie and pour part of my large popcorn in it for my daughter and husband. The same large popcorn that gets a free refill. I did not munch down the rest of that bag with Little E and go get my free refill to share with my kids. I would never consume that many calories. haha!!

I did not listen to my husband when he wanted to use the escalator instead of the elevator because we had Little E in his small stroller while at the mall. I did not disregard the warning sign at the bottom of the escalator and get on anyways. I did not freak out at the top when the stroller wheel caught at the edge of the floor and and gave me trouble trying to get off. I would never take the stroller on the escalator.

*Note*After the escalator episode..we used the elevator the rest of the time at the mall. Even though it was a pain in the butt and we searched and searched for one in JcPenney. Which they hid back in the men's department.

How's it look

Testing out my new signature.

Mixed messages

I've heard of couples getting married and when it comes time to start planning a family they hit a speed bump. Or even a brick wall in some cases. Those couples clearly never discussed whether or not each wanted children. My husband and I dated for several years before getting married so we had plenty of time to discuss children and we both agreed we wanted to have them. I knew that I didn't want to get to that point and be like "ok, let's make a baby and he look at me like I'm crazy".
My question is, do couples discuss child raising and rearing ideas? I'm sure there are some that do. We never did, not really. I do remember before kids we would jokingly say, "If we ever have a daughter she's not wearing this or that" when we would see some young girl wearing something inappropriate. I never really thought about how we would raise our children. Until now..
My husband obviously has different ideas than I do. Well... not to bash him without giving him a voice on this...but he obviously has NO ideas on what his plan on raising them is. It's come to a point now that our daughter is 6 1/2 and our son is 2 1/2 that he needs to grow up. I feel like I'm the only one who is an adult when it comes to taking care of the kids.
Yes, hubby takes care of the obvious. He can feed them meals, get them bathed, help with homework and get them to bed. And he's really good at entertaining them when it's involving a computer or video game but anything else in between I might as well write a manual. It frustrates me!!
I would rather have our children enjoy outdoor activities(weather permitting) versus sitting in front of the computer or television. If the weather is bad, then stimulate their minds with board games and crafts.
I agree that the kids need snacks between meals, but small portions and healthy snacks. Not an open bag of Doritos (found the almost empty bag in the computer room) on which both kids graze on for a half hour and then don't want to eat lunch. That just gets under my skin because we had already discussed our daughter not eating snacks because she does not get them in school. So she is already used to going in between breakfast and lunch without a snack. Why does he have to go against me on that issue? I have a hard time with the food anyways because I was a chubby kid through from 4th grade to 8th grade and I don't want my daughter dealing with that.
I guess I could put a stop to the unhealthy eating (since I am the grocery shopper) and not buy those items anymore. Hmmmm, now there's an idea..
I really do think, before this gets too far I need to sit down with the hubby and discuss our parenting ideas, goals, expectations and what such. I need to see if he has any ideas. Because we need to be on the same page about our children. We're sending them mixed messages and later down the road when they get into those teen years we're going to need to be a united front.

So maybe we need parenting counseling or a book. I am not sure.

Best friend

Three days ago I said goodbye to my friend, companion and fur-baby. It wasn't an easy decision by any means. I had struggled with making that choice for some time but his quality of life was deteriorating. No amount of money could fix his problems and I couldn't see my poor dog, my friend, wear doggy diapers. My heart hurts so bad without him here. I cried most of the day on Saturday. I kept rethinking about standing in the vet exam room holding my beloved friend. He was shaking and nervous as he always was when he had to go to vet. I comforted him and cried into his fur. I kept telling myself that this was the best thing for him. I was glad that the vet seemed to be taking his time to come into the room. I think now, maybe I was hoping that I could just run out the door and take him with me. What good would that have done? He was getting on in age. He was nearly blind, his hearing was almost gone and he was incontinent.

I knew years ago that when this day came I would be a train wreck emotionally. I am regretting my decision right now. I wish I could turn back the clock and have him here with me now. But I know that it would have only been delaying the inevitable. It's just so hard to think about life without him. He was my rock during troubling times before marriage. He was my baby before my children were born. He was my morning alarm when I didn't feel like waking to the real one. How will I ever fill that hole in my heart for my baby dog? I have these moments where I can't stand it without him and I cry. I know that I will go on, but I am sad. I want to throw myself on his grave in my backyard. I know I sound crazy but dog or not, he was a faithful companion.

I know that I will heal. It will take time. I just wish my shadow was here, getting under my feet and getting in the way during dinner. I know he is in my heart and I can think about the good times. I don't plan on forgetting his mug. He will live forever in my heart.

RIP "Nitzl" 04/15/95-01/09/10

Simple Pleasures

Isn't it great when you read some tip somewhere, for me it was bloggy land, and you actually get to put it to good use? Last night hubby set up our sprinkler for the water to freeze for the kids. Before we left the house I told the kids they could go outside and check it out. Note to self: do this more often. I have never seen them cooperate and get ready so fast. Anyways. The kids were touching the ice, running in the ice grass and admiring the icicles everywhere. I had activated the alarm on the house, coffee in hand and stepped outside as Little E was trying to push past me into the house. I closed the door and he's crying "I wanna wash hands, momma. I wanna WASH HANDS". I told him no we had to go. They didn't look dirty. I lock the door and start walking to the truck and he's holding his hands up at me and I notice they're pretty bright pink. I pick him up to put him in his craseat and inspect the hands. His hands were so pink from playing with the ice. Mix that with 25 degree temperature and you've got freezing hands.

Living in Florida I have never bought the kids any mittens or gloves. It rarely gets this cold and good luck finding a pair in the store now. Our winter clothing line was probably clearanced with the Christmas decorations. Seriously. I was just in Target the other day and they already had the capris and bathing suits out for sale.

Little E was having a fit and I remembered something I read yesterday. Socks instead of mittens. I dug through his diaper bag. Down in the bottom was an old pair of old navy socks, siz 12 months. PERFECT! I explained to him that they would make his hands warm. I pulled one on his little hand as he watched me and then I did the other one.. I knew it worked cause as soon as I was done he held up his hands and showed his sister. Of course she wanted a pair too, but I didn't have any for her hands. Thankfully, I had an extra set of small mittens of mine and she graciously took them.
Little E was so satisfied and proud of those "sock mittens" that he paraded them through Kay's school as we walked her onto the campus. He didn't take them off until we got back in the truck. I'll have to make sure to carry socks with me at all times, you never know when you'll need them.
I wanted to find the thread where I read it to say thanks. Thank you to who ever out there came up with this idea!

Lighten the load

Last week during the bliss of a new year and planning resolutions my life sounded pretty good. Even before the changes I had set out had happened I could already feel the weights coming off. I was feeling good. Now here it is day two of being back to work after the new year and I can feel the pressure mounting again. Maybe life was good because hubby was home last week to take care of the kiddos and some of the house chores? That might be part of it. Maybe because I didn't have to hustle out of work in a flash, make a mad dash to one daycare and one school to get two kids in 45 minutes? Maybe that's part of it. Maybe because while the kids were out of school my personal two nights a week obligations were not meeting? Now tonight one of them is starting back this evening. I can already feel the tension of having to get the kids home on time, make dinner, get cleaned up and head out for practice leaving whatever chores that are undone for the hubby.
I was reminded this morning of how much little time I have during the week when a friend texted me an invite to an informal birthday dinner for her husband. She is planning a dinner on Friday at 6:30 and if it were any other day than Monday, Wednesday or Friday it would be just fine. Friday is Miss Kay's acro class at the dance studio/gym. She just started this class at a new studio and she can't miss any classes. But I don't want to miss fellowship with our friends either, so I replied that we wouldn't miss it but we'd be a little late. Just a little more pressure on the schedule.
I know where I'm trying to go with this. I have been struggling with a crossroads for quite some time. I don't want to quit my obligations that I have in the evenings because they are things I do
for church. But when I didn't have to worry about doing them, life at home ran smoothly. My monday night Bible study didn't start back this week so I was home to take care of the kids. My daughter who has been having some issues at school actually had a good day on Tuesday. (which she hasn't had in weeks. There is a pattern.) But was she good just because school just went back? I have been thinking this for awhile and have put the thoughts aside until now. Quitting bible study will result in not being able to be a Deacon of the church. Is that what God wants? I feel like I have to choose between the children or church. I've thought about not working but it's not financially possible. I would love to be home more, but not ALL the time. We'll see where this goes. The chaos of this has to change. I've been praying but maybe not for the right thing. Or maybe I haven't seen the answer God is giving me.

Not Me! Monday

Welcome to Not Me! Monday! This blog carnival was created by MckMama. You can head over to her blog to read what she and everyone else have not been doing this week.Welcome to Not Me! Monday where you can see what things I have "not" been doing all week.


I did not call hubby from work last week to make sure he fed the kids fresh fruit and sandwiches for lunch. Then question to make sure that Little E was indeed down for a nap at a decent time. I wouldn't try to parent to my husband and not trust that he could handle it while I was away. Nope, Not Me!

I did not keep my kids awake until 12:30am on New Year's Eve at family friendly party, then wash their feet with a washcloth before sending them to bed. I always make sure they are in bed at a respectable hour. Nope, Not Me!

I did not give my 2 1/2 year a piece of gum after he had just swallowed one. I would never give in to him repeatedly asking me "gum, gum", "mom, gum, gum". Nope,Not Me!

I did not stand in the kitchen, surfing the internet while my 2 1/2 year old was quietly and secretly removing all 70 of the lysol cleaning wipes from a container. Then when I noticed a lemony smell, looked down at what had been done, I did not laugh at how funny it was. Nope Not Me!

I did not stop cleaning house to write my Not Mes! Nope, Not Me.

See you next time!