Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Lighten the load

Last week during the bliss of a new year and planning resolutions my life sounded pretty good. Even before the changes I had set out had happened I could already feel the weights coming off. I was feeling good. Now here it is day two of being back to work after the new year and I can feel the pressure mounting again. Maybe life was good because hubby was home last week to take care of the kiddos and some of the house chores? That might be part of it. Maybe because I didn't have to hustle out of work in a flash, make a mad dash to one daycare and one school to get two kids in 45 minutes? Maybe that's part of it. Maybe because while the kids were out of school my personal two nights a week obligations were not meeting? Now tonight one of them is starting back this evening. I can already feel the tension of having to get the kids home on time, make dinner, get cleaned up and head out for practice leaving whatever chores that are undone for the hubby.
I was reminded this morning of how much little time I have during the week when a friend texted me an invite to an informal birthday dinner for her husband. She is planning a dinner on Friday at 6:30 and if it were any other day than Monday, Wednesday or Friday it would be just fine. Friday is Miss Kay's acro class at the dance studio/gym. She just started this class at a new studio and she can't miss any classes. But I don't want to miss fellowship with our friends either, so I replied that we wouldn't miss it but we'd be a little late. Just a little more pressure on the schedule.
I know where I'm trying to go with this. I have been struggling with a crossroads for quite some time. I don't want to quit my obligations that I have in the evenings because they are things I do
for church. But when I didn't have to worry about doing them, life at home ran smoothly. My monday night Bible study didn't start back this week so I was home to take care of the kids. My daughter who has been having some issues at school actually had a good day on Tuesday. (which she hasn't had in weeks. There is a pattern.) But was she good just because school just went back? I have been thinking this for awhile and have put the thoughts aside until now. Quitting bible study will result in not being able to be a Deacon of the church. Is that what God wants? I feel like I have to choose between the children or church. I've thought about not working but it's not financially possible. I would love to be home more, but not ALL the time. We'll see where this goes. The chaos of this has to change. I've been praying but maybe not for the right thing. Or maybe I haven't seen the answer God is giving me.


We 2 B's said...

I hear you, and boy is it a struggle to balance everything. Many days it feels like it will all come tumbling down. I know God hears your prayers and will help you find the joy and peace you need. It's hard to wear so many hats. I had to step back from many things in the last two years and it was hard and there are days that I still miss some of those things, but we have to look at each one and decide what is really important. I'm actually looking to cut back some more this year too! Hang in there! God will provide! He is faithful! I'll be lifting you up in prayer as well! Love you!