Thursday, July 7, 2011

PYHO: Stuck in the Middle

Sometimes I find myself standing in my kitchen thinking about how nice things are going on in life. That there is no stress and how well the week is going. No craziness.

Life is smooth. It's like a piece of bliss. Perfect harmony.

I'm feeling self assured that my life is going in the right direction. Spiritually. Financially.

Then the rug gets pulled out from under me again.

I'm not sure who is trying to correct me. Is it Satan rearing his ugly head at me? Laughing that I actually thought life could always go so easy. Or was it God? Is he testing my devotion to him? Making me prove my worth yet again?

I've talked about how my in laws and I have strained relationships. Some days things are good between us. Usually when they keep their distance. Sadly that is the best way to keep a sane relationship with them. For me. I can't let them in too far. Of course when the holidays roll around, or a birthday celebration, it gets messy.

Father's Day was a small train wreck. I had a weak moment and decided to go to dinner with my husband's dad, his stepmom and the kids on Saturday, the night before. There was a long, let me say VERY LONG wait at the restaurant. His step mom starting getting weirded out. She couldn't sit still and we tried to make the best of the moment. Thankfully after an hour we were seated but the weirdness stepped up a bit. She ordered a glass of wine. Big mistake.
The alcohol accelerated her mood and she was loopy. She was giving the waiter a hard time about the menu. Complaining about the service. Loudly complaining about the wait for the salad bar.
She was putting me on the edge. I wanted the evening to end and everyone to finish dinner quickly. It's one thing to be uncomfortable with her at home but when it's in a public place, not so much.
We survived the evening. The only good thing about being in public with her is that when it's over, we go home. No whining that we're leaving her house. No dancing around with the kids because she's had four too many glasses of wine to drink. We just get to walk away and drive home.

Fourth of July weekend came and I thought it was going to be peaceful. We only made plans with my parents and a few friends. Tried to keep it low key. We went to church on Sunday morning before heading to the beach for the rest of the day.

It was nearing the end of the day at the beach and we were planning on going home and enjoying a nice evening with my parents coming over to our house. Then my husband gets a phone call while we're trying to load up the van. I gave him a look like are you really going to answer that now? Call who ever it is back. He quickly brushed off the caller, promising to call them back.

Then his phone chimes that he has a text. You'd think that he would wait until we're leaving to read it. But he just couldn't. It was from his dad. He was telling him that the cops were on their way to his house and that his wife was trying to have him arrested for abuse and holding her against her will. What the hell??!!

My husband turns to me and angrily says " I should have taken that phone call! I can't believe that I listened to you."

"Are you kidding me??! You're blaming me??!" I defended my actions. "As if taking that phone call was going to change anything!"

I was glad that my parents were standing there with us. They sympathized that my husband was upset but defended me as well.

I've had about enough of his family's crisis' and shenanigans. At that moment the thoughts that ran through my mind were, what now? What are we going to be expected to do? What has that crazy woman done THIS time?

Without going into more detail and making this post much longer, I'll briefly summarize the rest of it.

My husband went to his dad's house that evening, ending the rest of our fun for that day. His dad was not arrested. His step mom was arrested after attempting to attack his father in front of the officers and announcing she was going to kill him. She was taken to a mental health treatment center for observation. She was supposed to be held for 72 hours but was released after 12 hours after accepting their recommendations to seek treatment.

Currently, I am fed up with the situation. The relationship between his father and step mom are like when some one is being abused. The abusee thinks it their fault and they love the abuser, despite the crap that they put them through. That is where is dad is, he loves her and he is blaming himself for her problems. I personally believe that nothing will change. She will continue to drink, take her pills and cause problems, even if she goes to a treatment center. I used to have sympathy for his dad when dealing with her. Not anymore. So here we are, seven days away from Little E's birthday and ten from his party. I am going to take a firm stance that she not attend.

I know that my expectations are going to come with repercussions. My husband is not going to agree with me and if his step mom is not welcomed, then his father won't come. She doesn't know that we know what happened. Another issue that bothers me. His father doesn't want her to know that he told his son. Where do I with this? What do I do? I'm stuck in the middle.


shellthings said...

Oh, that is such a hard place to be. It's really something that your husband has to make a decision on. We have had to tell my father and stepmother than they are not allowed around my kids. B/c they are mean and hurtful people and I don't want my kids damaged by them. 

angelshrout said...

Sorry but I side with you.. they should not be allowed into YOUR home to behave like that. She needs help and you cannot make her get it. Your children should not have to deal with that drama at their own parties. I know it puts your hubby in a bad place but if he wants to get technical and biblical about it the bible clearly tells him he is to separate himself from his parents and protect the family he has created with you. YOU and your children and home are the first priority

Beth Zimmerman said...

Not an easy place to be Tiffany. 

For what it's worth ... God doesn't make us prove our worth. He accepted and saved us KNOWING that we were not worthy and never would be. So get that thinking out of your head. I don't necessarily think it's the devil either. People have free will and a lot of them make evil choices out of selfishness without any prompting from him!

I understand both your husband's perspective (good or bad ... they are his family) and yours (she makes you uncomfortable and she's not a good example for your kids) and I think the two of you are going to have to sit down ... talk it out ... and come to some sort of agreement on what to do from here. Otherwise it can become a bone of contention in YOUR marriage!

Praying for you!

Mrs4444 said...

This is a really tough spot. If it were me, I'd write her a letter that lovingly, yet firmly tells her that until she completes some type of treatment program AND demonstrates that she will put the kids' needs ahead of her own, it's your job to protect them and she will not be welcome at your family's functions. Of course, your husband will have to back you on that. I'll pray for you both.