Where I've been...Where I'm going...anything in between....

Where have I been? I just fell off the planet I guess. It slowly started happening where I was on here less and less and before I knew it, the time I had allotted for it was used up on something else.

I thought once the summer was over I would find the time to start back on my writing again. Best laid plans I guess...  I really thought having both kids in primary school I would have more time. But when one is a Fourth grader and the other is a Kindergartener, yeah not so much. That's what I get for thinking.

I really wish some one had warned me about the school work and homework load that we would be facing for 4th grade. Miss K's teacher told me last week that going from 3rd to 4th is a big adjustment. Uh, yeah, that's an understatement. Of course, combined with a heavier dance schedule this season and Miss K's ADHD we are tackling hurdles. Sometimes just hitting them head on and falling down.

Me working part time is still a necessity to keep my health insurance but once baby #3 arrives I will be staying home.

 So most of my days are at work until the kids get out of school and then we hit the ground running to get homework accomplished before extra curricular activities. It has been a struggle.
I am being pulled in several directions and really need to find a balance...soon. We're five weeks into school and I haven't got it just right. I really don't know where to adjust.

We're only eight weeks away from the due date for baby #3 and I know full well that our routine now will be a thing of the past. I can't even imagine what it could be like until the baby gets here.

Getting a routine down rock solid, might not be the best idea right now anyways. It will only frustrate me more when the baby gets here if some one, more than likely my husband, can't keep up with the way I do it.

I'm looking forward to finally being able to wrangle some time again for me, despite the craziness of life right now. I miss writing. You have no idea how many times I have come up with a good idea about something, or something funny happens and I wish I had the time to share.


Best laid plans. I'm sure a few hurdles might get in my way. I might need a helmet.

PYHO: Always Obstacles

I was pleasantly surprised to receive a letter from the County School Board two weeks ago granting Little E's variance for the 2012-2013 school year. I wrote about my concerns back in May whether or not he would get to attend Miss K's school. I was stressing about the long wait I may have been facing and if he didn't get it.

I thought all my worries were over now that I had this piece of paper in my hand. I was wrong again.

I went by the school this Monday to drop off the letter for the school registrar and talked to my friend in the front office. She is like the school secretary/ school website web master. I asked her about the teacher list for the upcoming year so I could confirm which teachers I would request for Miss K and Little E. She told me she had just posted it online just a few minutes before I walked in.

Which meant if the new list was up, the teacher request form would be up also. Nope. My hopes were deflated. There's always an obstacle in my way, it seems.

She told me that the principal has decided to do away with teacher request forms due to new salary regulations on teachers being based on student performance. She is hoping to have the classes more balanced without having all the high scoring kids in the top two favorite teachers rooms.

The plus side, is that she is accepting letters of your child's needs and will take that into consideration when choosing the class for your child. She will not accept letters with a teacher request in them.

I am more worried about Miss K than Little E because it's only Kindergarten. The school handles this grade with "kid gloves" and I'm sure he will do just fine with minor adjustments from his new teacher. He aims to please.

I didn't know that I had a choice when his sister entered school and we got what teacher the school chose.  Which was an awesome teacher and one of the top picked Kindergarten teachers in the school.

Having dealt with several years of inability to focus, short attention span and limited short term memory with Miss K, she really needs a compassionate teacher. Some one who can understand that she has ADHD and won't treat is as a label. A teacher who can have open communication with me and be able to recognize when she is "slipping" and needs positive encouragement with a firm tone.

Miss K is a loveable child who has three previous teachers (not counting 1st grade-she was not a great teacher) who absolutely love and adore her. Especially last year's teacher who was the most help in accomplishing many goals we had set out for the school year.

I'm hoping that I can get this across to the principal that is is very important for Miss K academically, to be placed with a teacher like we hope for.

I'm praying this all works out for the good. I know that my prayers may be answered differently than I expect and I am prepared for that. I'm willing to deal with that but hoping for an "easy button" this time.

New Family Member

Sunday afternoon after coming home from church and having lunch, I laid down on my bed to rest and browse some social media. I got on my Facebook and a friend of mine posted for a friend of hers who was trying to find homes for some kittens. Of course, the animal lover in me had to look. This was the first photo I saw.


 A D O R A B L E!!! Now if you know anything about cats, I was amazed to see five, yes FIVE calico/ tortoise shell kittens in one litter!

I showed them to my husband. He shocked me by saying that we should get one. Since my daughter has been still missing her beloved cat Teeko. He said this would make her very happy.

We called the girl who had them, and I was shocked to find out that she still had all five. She didn't live close by, an hours drive away. In the rain from that Tropical Storm Debby.

So much for my nap.

We piled the kids in the van and headed out on an adventure. We did not tell the kids where we were going. It was pretty funny because Little E kept thinking we were going "somewhere". For him that meant to do something.

After getting to her house and meeting the kittens, it was a tough choice. We originally had chosen one that had half orange, half black face. But we wanted Miss K to choose the kitten. Or shall I say, let the kitten choose her.

Which is how it was for she and Teeko.

After at least 30 minutes or longer of playing with five kitties, we took home Mollie, formerly known as Viper. The kitten with the orange stripe down her nose. (far left in photo above)

It has taken some adjusting for her, she has cried every night in her "room".

Little E wanted a kitty of his own, and I have been feeling pretty badly. I'm a softie to animals and my son. There was one kitten that was attached to ours and has been lonely since we left.

We'll see..

Not like I need another mouth to feed. I have a human one coming in November. What is a girl to do??!

PYHO: Family Circus

Why do I have to be the bad guy? I know that I can't be the only one that it bothers?

This weekend on Sunday for Father's Day we spent the day at my father in law's house. It was my idea. I thought it would be nice to get together with my husband's father and his step mom and do dinner. Since we didn't buy him a gift, this was our way of saying happy Father's Day.

While discussing the plan for going to his dad's house, the time frame for departure was agreed upon. This is something that I have to set when going to his house. You cannot go blind, per say,  to their house. It's a horrible way of dealing with family, but after many times of bad visits, this is what it has come to. We agreed on 7pm.

What we didn't know was that his step mother decided to invite everyone else over too. My husband's brother, his wife, their son, his step brother and his girlfriend and their children. We find this out after getting there. I wasn't thrilled, for many reasons.

One, because I brought food to prepare and was not prepared to feed and extra seven people. Two, my BIL's son is a bad influence on my children and I have to watch him like a hawk around my kids. Three, his step brother is an alcoholic and drinks like a fish. He pretty much takes after his mother (the step mom).

I thought that we would be "safer" having dinner at home since last year's Father's Day was a close disaster at a restaurant.
 His step mom drank wayyyy too much something before getting there, during the 45 minute wait to be seated and during dinner. She was belligerent to the waiter, loud as hell while preparing her salads at the salad bar and made everyone very uncomfortable during the meal. I swore to my husband that that was the very last time I would ever eat in public with her again.

I was dead wrong.

His step mother had been drinking prior to our arrival and and continued through the day.

It was very uncomfortable dealing with her. For one, I had to use her kitchen to cook the dishes of food I was preparing. I wished that I was some where else. Thankfully I was able to share laughs and wth looks with my sister in law during this. She feels the same way I do about having to be there.

But it didn't help with her comments and repeated questions about what I was making. Why was I making that? And that she felt so bad because she didn't make home made potato salad and bought hers. And then a few minutes after she returned from her cigarette break she would start all over again with her questions. The very same questions she had already asked me.

The drinking ensued.

When she starts bugging my kids is when I get unnerved. They were being very, very good. They were sitting on the couch playing their DS's and she interrupted them to insist that they sit next to her. Give her a hug. Hang out with her. Yada yada yada.

Now she only showed them attention because her son's children did not come. Apparently there is an issue with his girlfriends' parents and they will not allow the children to leave their house.
Because if those grand children had been at the house, my children would have been ignored.

The rest of the day went on like this until dinner. Of course we had our dinner drama when I asked if we should put an extension in the table to have more seats around it. She went cuckoo about that. I was almost at my wits end.

Finally at 8pm, an hour after the agreed upon time, we were able to start packing up to leave. I ordered the kids to get their backpacks and their gear to go. And she started her departing antics." Are you leaving? Why are you leaving? Is it already time to go? Are you just packing and staying? When can we do this again?"

I was done.

Done. Done. Done.

I was pretty mad about the circus that went on that day. I told myself, no more. I can't do this anymore. I wasn't going to say anything to my husband, but then Miss K said something about how grandma was acting. I knew that one day she would notice the abnormal behavior. I tried explaining to her about it but decided that enough was enough.

I told my husband about our conversation. Sadly, we will not be going over there anytime soon.

 I'm relieved.

There are some deep underlying problems with his step mother that I haven't even touched on here. If given the back ground on why I feel the way I do, then it might make more sense. Last year's restaurant episode was not the first time she has gotten intoxicated and acted out of line. She is medically bi polar and refuses to take her medicine, she shouldn't be consuming alcohol but she does. Was supposed to have gone to a medical facility to get help, it never happened. She says that she doesn't need a doctor, psychiatrist or "head" doctor to help her. \


As I have said to my husband before and said again. It's not about us anymore. The kids will not deal with this or witness this. They are our responsibility to protect.

Friday Fragments #201

I'm sure you've seen your fair share of these funny yourecards on Facebook or other social media sites. I was browsing on the internet and couldn't resist posting this one. I have this fetich with grammar and spelling, so it only makes sense. And since most of the cards are quite vulgar, I wouldn't post many of them anyways.

Today( Thursday) at Miss K's school, the awards ceremony for the third graders was held. This year has been an amazing school year for her, starting with her most wonderful teacher. Without this teacher, Miss K may have struggled yet another year academically. She excelled in many areas, academically and socially. In the second quarter of this school year, K received the Citizenship Award for the first time since entering elementary school. Today, she received the Citizenship of the Year award in her class. It was a proud moment for the hubs and I.

I was reading in a moms group for parents of children born in November 2012 today. The topic they were discussing was "have you bought anything yet for your upcoming new baby. I have not, am I behind?" I have actually bought a few things for baby #3 only because the items were in excellent used condition and I couldn't pass up the deal. Except for the stroller system, which was new. But it was also a great deal that may not be when we get closer. When I think back to both my other children, I don't remember being as eager to buy things so far in advance. Except for Miss K, we did buy packs of diapers every other week before she was born.

For the summer our church will not be having any enrichment classes or children's ministry on Wednesday nights. I'm sad that we won't be meeting during the summer. I am looking forward to more time with the kids, especially since Miss K does not have dance classes in the summer either. Time to catch up on reading for all of us. I'm looking forward to teaching Little E to read more than just sight words. One of the websites we'll be using is www.Starfall.com . Miss K's elementary school uses this website in the classrooms during free time.

After three days of rain, rain, rain. It has finally subsided. Even though Friday has a 70% chance of rain, it has not rained very much. I'm thankful for all this rain we have been getting but wiping the dogs' feet every time after they go outside has become a tiring task. My plants and lawn are very happy with all this excess water.

Today was the last day of school for our county! I went in to help with a party that Miss K's teacher and I planned for the last day. Unfortunately her teacher was diagnosed with the flu on Tuesday and was told by her doctor to not be at work the rest of the week. The last week of school no less. :(  thankfully by today, she was feeling a little better and made a surprise appearance in class for 30 minutes, during the party. We're going to miss not having her as Miss K's teacher. She was such a blessing. If only we had her every year!

PYHO: Little E

Bittersweet moments in my life.

Last week, my Little E graduated from preschool. He is only a few months away from entering into his formulative years in school.

In thirty nine days he will turn 5. A milestone birthday. At least in this house we consider it one.

I sat back today and reminisced over the day last August we walked into the preschool where he was going to attend and remembered the excitement in his eyes. We chose a Montessori based school, based on high recommendations from a friend.

Little E couldn't wait to pull out a play-mat and join in.

Convincing him that he would be back in just a few weeks was something he just didn't comprehend. Now thinking about it, it seems like it was just yesterday. It brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat when I realize that almost another year has gone by.

How much longer will my little boy run to my arms for comfort from mommy hugs? School changes a child. They become more independent. The comfort of mom is saved for home, where friends cannot see.

I am mentally preparing myself for another year that I hope will not fly by. I hope that the birth of baby #3 does not overshadow the accomplishments that my second born will do.

My soon to be middle child. How will this change and mold his personality? My sweet "double" kisses boy. So many changes ahead for this little guy. A year of many firsts ahead. Am I ready?

PYHO: Neighbors

There once was a time that I enjoyed living on the dirt road near the rail road tracks. It was quiet, stress free and peaceful. A time before the housing market hit an all time low and people starting vacating their houses. Vacant houses replaced by a class of people that I really don't particularly enjoy living in the same neighborhood with, thanks to the crashing market. I'm stuck in my house for at least a few more years. Until all the houses left by those who "just walked away" are sold off by the banks.

For the time being, I'm stuck. It could be worse. I could be living next door to a drug dealer or a pedophile. But it's bad enough when your neighbor beats his wife and she comes banging on your door to help her. I really didn't appreciate that evening. I didn't need to get involved in their problems.

More recently they decided they "needed" a puppy. I guess after having kittens and then they "mysteriously" disappeared after a month or so, required them to get something larger. It would have helped if they actually kept the kittens inside their house until they were old enough to roam free. We live in the woods. With owls, foxes, bears and other critters that might decide your kitten is lunch or dinner. Sadly, this is the truth.

I only knew of the new puppy coming, through my kids who occasionally ride bikes with their daughter. 

The puppy showed up about two months ago. Every one loves a puppy. They're cute, cuddly and fun to play with. Until they become a nuisance and start eating your shoes, peeing and pooing on the carpet and scratching the kids when they jump on them. I'm assuming those are the reasons. I'm not boasting here, but no dog or puppy of mine, gets away with that behavior. Potty accidents do happen, but the rest is preventable if you train your dog.

So guess what happens when you don't train your dog, because you really didn't need it anyways. He finds himself outside. But not in a pen or a fenced yard. He is now running loose around his yard, your yard, the road, the woods, the neighbors yard and wherever else his little puppy mind takes him.

I let the fact that he's been a pain until he broke some plant pots on my porch and made a mess with the mulch and other items on my porch. My husband spoke to the wife about it. It started nicely. Until she called me a liar and said that her dog has never been outside unattended. That he is crated all day. She is obviously stupid because I'm not the only one who has seen her dog outside.

A few days went by without seeing him unattended outside. But it only took a few days.

Last week,  I went to leave the house and one of my husband's shoes was missing from our front porch. There was a mess on the porch, again. As the kids and I were heading down the road I saw the shoe. It was on the neighbor's front porch! And the puppy was wandering around in her yard. I had Miss K get the shoe and we headed to school. This was at 7:30am.

When I got back home at 9:00am the puppy was still outside and her car was home. So she was home, but had no intentions of dealing with her responsibility. I called Animal Control and waited for them to show up. Of course, since this dog wasn't the one who killed my cat (another story, which has pushed me to be pro active about dog owner responsibilities) they didn't rush out to deal with this issue. I left my house at 11:30 am and they never came. I wasn't sure if they came out and spoke with her later in the day, but by Sunday evening, I knew they had not.

The puppy, who is a doberman pincer that is about 4-5 months old, was out again. I watched through my front blinds this dog run in and out of my other neighbor's sprinkler's. I thought to myself hahaha, your dog is getting all filthy and when you call him in and he makes a mess on your carpet, I'd love to be a fly on the wall to see your reaction.

A little while later, I went outside to help my husband finish up the lawn chores, since the tropical storm bands were coming. By then, the puppy had decided to aggravate my husband by running alongside our mower and wouldn't go away. My husband had already gone over to the neighbor's house to see if they were home, so they could put their dog away. Of course not!

So I waited until Tuesday morning to call Animal Control again to report the dog running loose and question they never followed up on my call from Friday. The lady who I spoke with, didn't have a clear answer to why my complaint was not addressed, but she updated the information about the recent events and would send out an officer.

When I got home Tuesday evening, I saw my porch was wrecked again, telling me the puppy was out wandering again. I figured that the AC had not come out again.

 But to my surprise, I had two messages on my answering machine from the AC Officer. The first one was from the officer telling me why no one was out on Friday and that she was the officer who handled our part of the county. Second message was informing me that she came out to the residence for the doberman puppy and found that he was running loose and no one was home. Since the owner's of the dog were breaking the law, she issued them a citation and left it on their door. Woohoo!!

That worked out better than them coming on Friday! They caught her "red handed", so to speak. Later on Tuesday night, I heard the puppy barking his crazy head off. Wondering why he was barking incessantly,  I looked outside. The neighbors decided to tether him out back instead of walking him on a leash for potty breaks. I'm waiting to see how long that lasts. Especially since the line they have him on is about the the size of a clothes line, which in due time will not restrain a full sized doberman.

Idiot neighbors. Hopefully they don't think they'll leave him outside for hours tied up to that line without shelter or water. It's hitting the 90 degree mark here and that's not in direct heat. Like I said, they don't need a dog.



http://youtu.be/wF0bSddMIgg
Video of the Culprit

Loving

Sweet, uninhibited hugs surround my side. Arms too short to reach up higher. A voice whispering " I love you mommy". Knowing it's all for me.

Leaning down to embrace the arms that are reaching for more. A tender moment. A moment repeated several times every day.

"Mommy, can you push the swing? Just eight times. Five times?" Gently giving the big push. Starting the momentum until a new push is needed. Running late to work to enjoy those moments.

It's all worth it.

Because I know all too soon that they will be memories... stored in my mind. They will come farther between. 

My heart aches at the thought. I will embrace the hugs longer. Cherish the ten kisses given to me.

All too soon, this to will pass.

Why can't they be little forever. 

PYHO: Fear of the Unknown

My fear that Little E may not be able to attend the school his sister goes to have resurfaced again. Last year I wrote about this worry and later felt that it could have been premature. I felt relieved that he would more than likely get the variance and be able to attend at least two years in the same school as Miss K. That would have given me more time to prepare for homeschool or any other option.

So last week I signed Little E up for Kindergarten at our zoned school. I requested the variance form and informed the registrar why I was asking for it. While going over Little E's paperwork she stated that this coming school year, the state had not listed "Choice Schools" for the NCLB Act. She said it was talked about that students who were going to other schools besides their zoned school could be required to go back to the school they were zoned for. I was in shock!

This whole time I was worrying about getting my son into the same school as my daughter and I never thought about her losing her spot.

So today I called the zoned elementary school to inquire about Little E's variance form. The registrar told me that she had sent it on to the other school early this week and it might be at the School Board Dept. She gave me their phone number and the extension of the department I would need to speak to. What a very helpful and thoughtful thing for her to do. Especially for a parent who doesn't want their child going to her school.

I debated on whether or not I should call. I didn't know how my inquiring would affect my son's forms. I went ahead with the motherly instinct and called. I'm not sure if I'm glad I called or not. I spoke to the lady in the zoning department and she told me that his variance form had not come in yet. Not surprising. I'm not too worried because it's not like my answer will come quicker if it was.

I was told that I would have to wait until at least July 1st or later to know if we have been denied or accepted. I was concerned about Miss K's position at the school and was routed to another department. The lady that I spoke with was very helpful too. She reassured me that Miss K would not lose her place at the school she currently goes to, even though the NCLB Act has been rewritten by the Florida Department of Education.
 Without going into much detail, the Act that the Federal Dept of Education created did not accomplish the goals that it set out. 

The bad news, Little E could be denied and have to attend the zoned school while Miss K gets to stay at her school. Which is not an option I want to go with. I do not want either of my children to attend that school. The lady told me if that happened, I would need a Plan B. Whatever my Plan B is. She said I always have the option to appeal the school boards decision. Which if turns out to be the case, I will have to build a rock solid case. Not just gut feeling or mother's intuition. My other option would be virtual school at home. Which essentially is home school. Or private school, which in no way I could afford. Or charter school for both kids or just Little E.

I never thought that this could happen when I signed him up for school. I thought it was an open and shut case and then I would have to worry when Miss K left the elementary school to go into middle school. Nope. Life is never that easy. So I will now have to sit, worry and pray my hardest that God works this all out. Please God, just give me one more year. Just let Little E go to Miss K's school for one year. He really wants that opportunity. Please pray for us that it all works out.

I am posting this late for PYHO and glad that I did. Since this all came to light on Thursday.

Friday Fragments Episode #197

**My month of April sucked. There is no sugar coating it. I was glad to see that the month of May had arrived. I was thinking like a clean slate and everything could resume "normal", or whatever the new normal could be. May 1st was good and has been good so far. Except for my allergies giving me trouble-again.


**Logging into Pinterest using Facebook should be a no no for me. I wasn't thinking when I logged into it on Wednesday that whatever I was pinning was showing up on Facebook boards. I haven't spilled the beans on Facebook to friends I don't talk to regularly, about the baby. I was waiting until next week after my 13 week ultrasound. I had no clue until I got to Miss K's school Thursday morning that several people saw what I was pinning. Whoops!

**I know that we're a LONG way off from knowing the sex of the baby, let alone needing a name for it. But I have been on the hunt for a few weeks. The hubs is soooooo picky. We agreed on a girl name, but he has not been in agreement on any boy name. The other problem. We know so many people now that we're on baby #3 and most of them have at least two children, so a lot of boy names are taken.

** This week, I'm 12 weeks along and the baby is the size of a lime. Not bad considering we have 28 weeks to go. I can't wait until I can feel my little lime moving around. That has to be hands down, one of my favorite parts of being pregnant.

** I mentally decided what would be my favorite Mother's Day gift from my husband. I would like him to take the day off, and do everything I do the whole day. From making lunches, dressing kids, dropping kids off at school, picking up kids, lunch in between pickups for himself, homework, and dance class. While I get to sit and enjoy myself. :) Ah, one can dream, right?

**I uploaded my very own first pin last night! Miss K's school has been celebrating Teacher Appreciation Day all week and yesterday we presented her teacher with this homemade gift. I brainstormed from Pinterest and this is what I made! (except for the rubberbands) I'm so excited about this craft, after the response I have received from it. It really is flattering when other people like your work and want to copy it.

Source: i92.photobucket.com via Tiffany on Pinterest

WW: Summer 10

List your top 10 favorite things about summer growing up

10. Bicycle rides through the neighborhood. Heading to each of my friends' houses to see who was home and could ride with me.

9. Swimming at the local park with my brothers. We would spend hours swimming in that murky water ( that they now have signs recommending not swimming because of amoeba) then head to the playground and see who could swing the highest. 

8. When my aunt would come to visit every year in June. She would come bearing small gifts for each of us and we would spend most of the week taking mini trips to the local stores. 

7. Heading to grandma and grandpa's house when my aunt would go back home. We would ride the Greyhound bus with her. Stopping at the bus stations was one of my favorite parts. She would always buy us a candy bar. 

6. The beach trips. They were few and far between so you made the most of the times you were there. Spending hours in the ocean water chasing the waves. 

5. Chatting on the phone for hours and hours with my best friends. Since my parents worked they rarely took me to their houses so I kept in touch with the ones who didn't live within bike riding distance. 

4. Swimming in the pool. Growing up, we had an above ground pool at my parents house. When we weren't doing chores we spent hours playing marco-polo, wave pool and water volleyball.

3. Before middle school, my younger brother and I were too little to stay at home when my mom worked, so we had to go with mom to work at my parents business.My dad had a pair of doberman dogs that were "supposed" to be guard dogs, but they were more of big playmates to me. My brother and I would spend hours playing with those dogs. 

2. Going roller skating and to the movies with my friends. I used to be a great roller skater. I used to be able to roll backwards and in a circle holing holds with my friend. 

1. Sleepovers! I loved going to sleep overs at my friends houses.It was a chance to get away from being at home doing chores and getting picked on by my brothers. Escape! 

This Thursday post was written for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop, I chose prompt # 5.

PYHO: Opinions are like.....

We didn't tell anyone we were trying. Well, except for one couple. They knew. But no one else knew.
It's not something you share with everyone.

After we found out that we were indeed pregnant with baby #3, we were really excited. Knowing the risks of telling people and something happening, we decided to keep the news to ourselves and a few close friends.

Telling family was not an option yet,just in case. Family takes things harder and friends hold you up when things fall. We waited until the first appointment when the baby should have been 8 weeks along. The ultrasound confirmed that we were having "a baby" ( I say that because hubs has been fearing twins) but we were 6 weeks and five days along.

This was a bummer. We were hoping to tell more people but since we were not as far along, we had to wait longer. The waiting is very hard.

The longer I waited, the more nervous I got about telling certain people. I know it shouldn't matter, because the choice of how many children I want is MY CHOICE. And my husband's of course. I didn't know how the news would be received.

A year ago, when in conversation with a friend of mine who has more children than I do and was expressing her interest in having more, my mother in law stated (looking at me) " you don't need anymore kids." Did I hear her right? Was she telling me what was right for me?

So I wasn't looking forward to telling her and I think my husband knew it. So she was the last parent we told about the new baby coming. She really shocked me. My husband had to hold the phone back a foot or so from his ear. She was so excited and squealing about another grand child. Wow.

I am the first person that will tell you, I don't care what other people think. I really try not to let other people's opinions get to me. Most of all, strangers opinions. But deep inside, it stirs me up when people express their opinions to me.

Right now, I'm not showing so no one would know that I'm pregnant anyways. So I'm safe from other peoples problems. Unless of course, my son who is a proud BIG Brother to be might tell you that there is a baby in there.

I really don't want to hear the obtuse or intrusive opinions from other people. I'm dealing with questions now. Since you already have one of each, which sex do you prefer?

I don't care! Really! I want a healthy child. I'm the mother to a daughter and a son, I know what both worlds could bring. There are pros and cons to raising each gender. And I could honestly end up with a sassy, prissy little princess girl. Unlike Miss K completely. Or I could get an ultra sensitive boy, who wears his emotions on his sleeve. Unlike my rough and tough Little E.

I'm not worried about trivial things like that. The worst part that since I have one of each, people assume that you are done having children. As if that is a guideline. Really?

Top Ten Reasons I Won't Be Going on a Trip

Now that my husband has arrived home safely from his trip to Haiti I can say there is now way I would be traveling to that country, or any other country and leave him home with the kids. Not until they are at least independent children who no longer need some one to be constantly watching them I might give him a few days with them, but not a week.

My TOP TEN Reasons why I will NOT leave the husband in charge

(even though I love him and he means well)

10. The kids rooms will be complete disasters. Or as I say "BOMBS". The kids know this word well and will come warn me that is looks like a bomb. 

9. Bath time will be questionable after swimming in a pool. Even if Miss K's hair is completely loaded with chlorine and looks like it too.

8. Our dogs will get fed when the kids remember it. The cats might as well pack their bags and head to the neighbors house for a week.

7. Our newspaper delivery will go unnoticed, only the delivery guy will realize something is up when the lawn is covered in them. ( I get 3 subscriptions)

6. Laundry might be washed and certainly not sorted.He might even join the ranks with me and accidentally wash magenta sheets with other colors and not immediately remove them from the wash.- it happens!

5. The kids will become regulars at McDonald's and the staff will know them by name.

4.Being the "mom taxi" would pose a definite issue for him. One reason I only work part time to work around the schedules of the kids. 

3. I might as well take stock in paper plates, disposable utensils and buy throw away everything. Think like we're camping. Because the dishes may never make it out of the sink. (He said that his room mate in Haiti was messy and it drove him crazy. So my OCD has rubbed off, but now that he is back home, he no longer needs to be clean. He assumes and knows I'll just do it. Would he MAN UP and do it while I was away?)

 

2. Homework! It's been known that daddy does not have the patience for Miss K when it comes to homework. Especially when it comes to math. -not his best subject.

1. Housework. It's not going to happen. I run a tight ship and I know that the house will still be there when I get home, but in what condition? After the bombs and the dogs, I might as well hire a cleaning lady as soon as I stepped off the plane. Or he might as well. After greeting the kids and the hubs, I would be inspecting it. Sadly, leaving a list won't cut it.

The only way I'm leaving the house, is if I hired a nanny for the week, along with a house keeper.

Hot off the Press!

We're Expecting

 

Yes, you read that right. I was hoping to hold out and wait another few more weeks and have better ultrasound photos to share. But I can't contain myself any longer. There have been several times where I would have liked to mention that in addition to what else was going on, that my hormones were "out of whack". I figured some one would catch on and the questions might have come. So I'm putting it out there!

We're looking forward to this new chapter in our lives and cannot wait to welcome another little boy or girl into the family. 

PYHO: Can I give up Now?

It's not easy keeping my emotions in check. I am not the type of person who likes to hold my feelings inside and suppress them. I have had to, but the outcome after long periods of with holding my feelings isn't something you would want to witness. They come spewing out like hot lava. Really. It's not like when you shake the soda bottle and open the cap. That is merely too tame for how I can get.

That is the person I have tried to stop being, but this week is making it really hard. 

So this week, I'm feeling like a volcano ready to explode. It's building and building.

I've had many people ask me "how are you feeling?" Okay. It's been my usual answer. The "easy" answer.

"how are you holding up?" "Do you need anything?" " I'm checking on you". And I get the warm fuzzy feeling inside when these wonderful friends of mine ask me these questions. They are truly concerned for my well being. But I can't tell them how I really feel.

Because right now I'm feeling selfish. I WANT MY HUSBAND HOME!

I know they mean well, but they really don't want me to open the floodgates. because if I really told them exactly how I felt, I would be a sobbing mess. I'm tired. I'm lonely. I'm feeling sorry for myself and I want to be human and wallow in my sorrows for just a moment. I know I don't need my husband here to be able to that. But some one has to be here to take care of the kids.

Some one else besides me. And since their dad isn't here to do it, then I have to put on my Big Girl Panties and stand strong. Be in control. Take care of my children, the house and everything in between. 

I just don't want people thinking I'm heartless about not shedding a tear for my grandmother. I can't do it right now. 

This morning I did have a moment. The well sprung a leak. I missed two calls from my husband. And the third I was so anxious to grab it, I accidentally pressed "decline" on the phone. I lost it. The tears ran down my face. I was sobbing like a baby. Over a missed phone call. The little things are starting to break me down. I'm ready for this to be over. 

I have two more days. I'm hanging on by a thread and if you asked me, you'd never know. I'm strong. I will not admit defeat. But really, I just have. 

Day 3: It just gets better

Day 3 while my husband is in Haiti

I'm really not used to regular routine when my husband is away. Without a reason to roll over and smack some one lying next to you to "get up, you're alarm is going off", I have no desire to get up when my own alarm is blaring. Thankfully it was Monday and I was not required to be showered, dressed and ready to go when the kids were. No work for me.

I spent most of my morning glued to my cell phone while my sister in law talked for 2.5 hours. I was so tired from not getting enough sleep, I actually fell asleep on her. Seriously. That was pretty embarrassing. I kept thinking about a nap, how much a nap would be so nice. Just 30 minutes before leaving the house again to pick up Little E from preschool. It never happened.

Just the five minutes I zoned out.

While I was busy keeping myself awake, my husband was busy teaching the children in the small town in Haiti about stories in the Bible.

The rest of the day went as usual. Pickup Little E from school, come home eat lunch. Nothing spectacular about that. Then go back and get Miss K from school and come home for an hour before heading out the door again for dance classes. Ah, Mondays. You are quite busy even when I'm home doing chores.

I can't believe that I'm saying this, but on a weekday, I can't function most of the day when my husband is out of town. But the evenings are harder. Tag teaming takes on a new meaning when there is only one parent in the house. The kids tag team me! 

Not to mention that Little E decided to throw a wrench in the evening by taking a 2 hour nap between the hours of 6-8 and I could not wake him up. I tried everything, except dumping cold water on him. So of course after his siesta he wakes up at 8:15pm and wants to stay awake. Which was not in my plan at all. Needless to say, I went to bed at 11pm and left him awake in Miss K's bed. And that was all she wrote.

Day 2: You Comfort Me

Day 2 While my husband is in Haiti

My children and I missed Sunday church services. Something I'm not proud of, but given the circumstances we all needed some rest. We slept in until 8am which didn't leave us much time to get ready for 9am church. I really needed to mentally prepare myself for what we had on the agenda for the day. I was meeting my parents at the Funeral Home to make arrangements for my Grandmother. Followed by going to the nursing home to retrieve her belongings. I really was hoping to avoid that place. I am very bitter towards them. An emotion that I should be able to push aside but haven't found the strength to do so. Or maybe I don't want to right now.

Setting up the funeral arrangements went smoothly. I think it helped that the staff knew us already, not that they were hoping to meet us just yet. We were supposed to be coming in a few weeks to make pre arrangements. The nursing home trip was exactly as I had feared. The staff had already boxed up my grandma's belongings and stored them away. The bed was neatly made and all ready for another person. It made me more mad at them. My mother was furious to say the least.

I couldn't wait to get out of there. I have bad memories as a child in nursing homes visiting great grandparents. I tried to push past those feelings when we placed my grandma in one. I wanted her to be happy. Sadly, I have new sad memories now. I hope that I never have to do this again.

My parents had invited the kids and I to join them for dinner at their house. So after the drama of the morning, I was looking forward to some relaxing conversation. The kids were looking forward to riding their bikes on "regular" road, not the dirt roads like at home. The weather had cleared up and was beautiful. It was brightening my mood.

The best part. My husband called me!! Thank you Skype!! I never knew they had an option that allowed you to load the program and make a phone call. It was so good to hear his voice. The first time he tried to Facetime call me but I was not near WIFI and it wouldn't connect. So he figured out another way.

You have no idea how much hearing some one's voice can calm your heart. Even if he is miles and miles away, he finds a way to comfort me. Even with his voice. I thought that I wouldn't be able to survive these days without him. I was wrong.

I'm hoping the rest of the week flies by and Friday comes quick. At least regular routine resumes on Monday.

Day 1: I'm Lost Without You

Day 1 while my husband is away in Haiti. 

Sadly on Friday evening, the last night we had together before he needed to meet the mission team at the church, I got a phone that I never expected. My grandmother had died. I was in complete and utter shock after my Aunt had just passed the day after Easter. It has only been a week since we buried her. A turn of events happened and my mother called me back and said that grandma was alive. The staff at the nursing home called 911 and performed CPR and they had a pulse. She was en route to the ER. This all felt too surreal. Had we not just done this?? Why now when my husband is leaving for a week? 

So Friday evening when we would have been spending our last hours together, we spent it in the hospital watching my grandmother slip from us. She wasn't really there anymore. As much as I know about the body and spirit, I believe she wasn't there. Her body was still working for the moment, but her mind was gone. She was ready to join our Father in heaven. She was ready to join her daughter and husband among her other family members who had long since passed.

By the time my husband and I got home there was only and hour left to rest before he would need to shower and prepare to leave. Talk about a cat nap that was hard to come by while my thoughts were on my grandmother.

My husband and I exchanged kisses and I love you's at 3am and we parted ways. I really felt all alone at that moment I pulled from the church parking lot. I went home and struggled to go to sleep. My mind was elsewhere for many reasons. Losing my grandmother so quickly now after my aunt, missing my husband, worrying over the looming week ahead-alone.

At 3:45 am the phone rang. The house phone. My father called me with the news I was expecting but hoping would not come. Grandma was in heaven now. She was gone. She was the only grandma I knew, since my mother's mom passed away when I was very little. I knew this day would come, but I wasn't ready. Are we ever ready?

I tossed and turned and finally was able to get a little rest. At 6:51am my husband texted me and let me know that he was boarding his first of two flights to Haiti. I never went back to sleep. The kids would be up soon and I was the only one home to take care of them.

Today has been a long day to say the least. Many emotions have gone through me. I will not let myself become depressed. I was close today. I sat in my pj's until 3pm. I forced myself to eat lunch. I am keeping the routines at home for my children's sake. Normalcy. It keeps me going for now. I'm tired and hoping I will get some rest tonight. 

Thankfully my husband texted me tonight and let me know all was well. He is at the hotel in Haiti and he had a long trip there. He hopes to Facetime or Skype me tomorrow. I really hope he does.

Friday Fragments #194

I've been MIA for too long. I have half attempted all week to write a post but just haven't done it. I hate being a slacker.

Today, in less than twenty four hours, I will be sending off my husband with our church team to Haiti. I'm nervous and struggling with many emotions with this. I am asking God for strength, perseverance,  patience and faith to make it through the next six days. I will really begin to appreciate the same things my husband does around here.

It's hard to believe that next month, I will be signing Little E up for Kindergarten for this fall. The thought came to me this morning when I remembered I needed to go to Miss K's school to pick up a variance form that is pre authorized by her school and bring it to the school we are zoned for.

Miss K survived FCAT's this week. The poor little girl was so stressed out by it that she was having a hard time staying focused in class last week and the beginning of this week, once the test was over. She has been extremely emotional and I have been trying my best to handle her with "kid gloves". I will admit, it has been VERY hard to stay composed after the many weeping episodes this week. So glad it's Friday and they are having a fun day today at school.

A woman I go to church with, who is also in my small group after church mailed my family a card following the death of my Aunt. It brought joy and tears to me. I want to share part of the poem on it,

And think of her as living

in the hearts of those she touched

for nothing loved is ever lost-

and she was loved so much.

It's little loving gestures like a simple card that can speak volumes. 

I can't wait to feel "normal" again. Thanks to Little E I have been battling a head cold since Sunday. I am sooo tired of blowing my nose. I have also realized that there is a DEFINITE difference in tissue brand and style. Let me say, not any tissue is good. Maybe for the occasional blowing of the nose, but not repeated blowing of the nose. Neosporin is my nose's new BF. 

 

PYHO: Home in Heaven

Where do I begin? These past eleven days have been a blur. Sunday April 1st was any regular day for my family. We attended church that Sunday followed by our afternoon group gathering for church. It was even a little more fun since we went out to dinner after wards at our local BBQ restuarant. Then it all changed when I got the phone call from my mom.

My aunt, who was recently moved to a rehab facility here where I live from Tampa, was going into the hospital. Several months back she had gone into the hospital for swelling in her legs. It was discovered that she had sorosis of the liver and she was not an alcohol drinker. We believe that some years back another doctor told her that she had this, but due to her limited mental capabilities, she did not realize the severity of her condition.

 The rehab facility called my mother and told her that my aunt was having trouble breathing. And it must have gotten bad enough for them to call an ambulance. En route to the hospital from the facility, which is merely two minutes away, something happened. The hospital staff said, "crashed". She "crashed". Whatever that means for them, it meant she lost consciousness, stopped breathing and was intibated.

The next morning my husband and I went to see her in the ICU. She was not conscious, she was heavily sedated and on a ventilator machine. It was a surreal moment. The tears welled up in my eyes and I went to her bedside. I rubbed her arm and spoke to her, calling her name. I was shocked that she turned her head towards me and fluttered her eyes. My husband said her heart rate jumped up ten numbers and it worried him. He said "I don't think we should be trying to wake her".

He went to the nurses station and asked the nurse that was caring for my aunt, about trying to communicate with her. Apparently they didn't want us to do that. They wanted her heart to stay calm while she was fighting so many infections in her body. She currently had pneumonia, one lung was completely full of fluid and her liver failing had caused the ammonia in her body to rise to dangerous levels. Adding these complications to her already failing body put her in danger.

Sadly, this Monday, April 9th my aunt passed away and joined the Lord. Her heart withstood as much as it could for nine days but couldn't hold on any longer. She is now free from pain. I am happy for her. She is now a smart person in heaven. God has released her from her limited mental capabilities. He has made her well again.

Humanly, I am still sad for her. And tomorrow we will attend the first of two funerals for her. One here,  and one back in Tampa. I have not cried this week for her. Not that my heart doesn't ache to have her fleshly body here on Earth with us, but I know that she is in a better place now. That she doesn't have to depend on breathing machines, western medicines, wheel chairs and many other medical devices to lengthen her life here.

It has been a rough time for me and my family. I'm glad that she we recently celebrated her mother's birthday all together. The whole family. My brothers, their spouses and children and my parents. She was surrounded by us all before the sickness took her home.

You never know when the last day will be with your loved ones. 

Please forgive me if I do not respond to your comments right away this weekend.

PYHO: Disappointed and Dirty

I am disappointed with my self lately. My inability to complete my regular house work chores is leaving me frustrated. For the past few weeks I have been just "getting by" with my regular chores around the house. I make it through most of the laundry. I sort it. Wash it. Dry it. Fold it. And then it sits clean in a basket for days. Then when some one, usually my husband, runs out of something to wear, I start all over again. I have no choice but to finally put away the clean clothes that have been sitting around for days.

The laundry is only the tip of the iceberg. The lack of motivation is spilling over into other areas as well. My dusting in the house. The filing of papers. My coupon cutting. I am becoming so overwhelmed with the unfinished work that I don't know where to start. This behavior is so unlike me that it is really aggravating me.

I feel like a failure. In my own mind I'm failing at something. I'm not sure what anyone else thinks, because the only ones witnessing this are the kids and my husband. My husband is not a neat freak, so it's not going to bother him. Miss K follows in her dad's footsteps so she is not fazed by it. And Little E, he's not really old enough to realize how OCD I am.

The bigger issue I have with not finishing the regular day to day chores is, that I can't even justify starting on other chores that have manifested through out this. The season have changed, both kids have outgrown some clothes and I need to get the excess stuff out of their rooms. It's piling up. My garage looks like the beginnings of Hoarders. Seriously. It's scary.

The pressure of all this is taking a toll on my personality and I lashed out at my husband about it. So many of our weekends have been compromised by other events that I have no spare time to catch up. Some have been for pleasure. Thanks to Spring Break. Some have been due to family emergencies. Which you can't blame.

I need more time!

I need another me!

 I need to let go and stop beating myself up.
 How do you tell a perfectionist, obsessive compulsive, clean freak that it's ok that the dogs haven't been bathed and seriously need it, the dust behind the tv's will be ok for another week and that no body cares that you have three weeks of three Sunday newspapers sitting on your front porch. At least I live on a dirt road. 

And if you only knew the rest.

WW: Hotel Hell

Spending an hour or maybe two a week should never be used to gauge whether or not you and some one can be compatible. Not necessarily compatible, but get along without thinking what in the hell was I thinking? 

Back in February, Miss K attended a Dance Competition that was held in Coral Springs, FL. It was pretty much mandatory to attend and to have a better experience it was encouraged to stay at the resort where the competition was being held. I checked the hotel price online and said hell no are they crazy?! I really wanted my daughter to attend and volunteered my paycheck to pay for the competition fees and classes but didn't know how I would pay for the hotel.

The hubs wasn't going to be able to go so it was going to be a girls weekend, just Miss K and I. I thought maybe if any of the other moms were going without husbands, one of them might want to share a room. I have befriended a few of the moms and thought I wouldn't mind sharing a room with one of them. I assumed figured that based on the price of the rooms, that they would be large and that if it was uncomfortable, we would have enough "space". Never assume.

The only mom that was willing to room together was mean girl's mom. Before going to competition I never knew that her little girl was like that. Or I would have never agreed to room with her or offered to share the bill on a room. I booked the room in my name and she was to pay me half once we got there. 

The Friday afternoon we left for Coral Springs, I got a later start than I wanted to. I left Miss K's medicine at home and it was of utmost importance that I made the trip back home to get it. So we were an hour behind schedule which put the other mom getting there before us. She texted me when she arrived and said they would just wait in the lobby. Fifteen minutes later she texts me "we checked in and we're in the room". I was like WTH? I had to control my anger at that very moment. If she had been any real friend of mine, I would have been fine with that. But to just go ahead and take it upon herself to do that, really set the tone for the weekend.

I was also very surprised that hotel staff would allow some one to check into some one elses room just because they knew the check in name. I never confronted the staff about it, but I should have. I was already mad about it and I'm sure she knew and I didn't need to make the weekend anymore uncomfortable than it had already become. 

After Miss K and I arrived I wasn't surprised to find that she had picked the bed closest to the window and the air conditioning. Something that drove me crazy all weekend. She "controlled" the air and I was sweating like a pig somewhat sticky when it was bedtime. I slept in a sheet to stay cool. I like to have a radio on or watch television to go to sleep, as does Miss K. We had to turn the tv off when it was lights out, because mean girl her daughter wouldn't fall asleep. It was one thing after another. 

I looked forward to the daytime when the girls had classes. I spent most of my time hanging out with a few other moms, reading my Kindle, hustling around to get lunch for the kids, preparing for competition or just being busy. It kept me from being closed in a hotel room with some one that really was different than I.

The day we left to come home should have been relaxing. The route that the mom used to drive into Coral Springs was different than mine and she wanted to know which way I used. I have GPS in my Odyssey and she does not. She asked if she could follow me home. Of course I told her no way yes.

Have you ever had some one follow you and not keep up the same speed as you? Seriously?!  The best part, I have a SunPass ( a transponder that lets you pass through tolls and electronically charges you) and she did not. So she had to pull through toll booths while I sailed through the auto lane. The first one I thought I would pull over and pause for her. After about getting killed by another driver when I did that,  I called her and told her she would just need to catch up to me after each toll.

When we reached the point where she would continue down the last toll and I would head towards another interstate (we live in different cities) I called her to say goodbye. She actually sort of complained that I never stopped for a potty break. SERIOUSLY?! I actually felt bad. for a moment. She very well could have called me and said her daughter needed to use the bathroom. We could have used a break too, but I didn't need rudeness if we stopped. 

So I will suggest, don't share a room with an almost stranger. It's better to swallow your lumps and fork out the money. For sanity. Well, I wouldn't have had a post to write though. I'll chalk it up as another learning experience.

This post was written for Mama Kat's Writer's Workshop. This week I chose prompt 5) What was the occasion? Write about the last time you stayed in a hotel.

PYHO: Facebook Fan Page

Holy Batman! I am so over whelmed right now, my head is swimming and I'm not sure if I did everything right. It's 11:30pm and after a mad dash at 9:30pm to get into the chat room for Content Brew I tried my best to keep up. The page was lagging quite a bit and like a four year old high on smarties candies subject hopping gal like I am, I ran down another rabbit trail checking into creating a Facebook fan page.

Apparently some time ago I created one and never maintained it. Unfortunately the damn thing has to be linked to your personal FB page even if you try not to. I created a new account with my blog email address and the stupid thing somehow figured out that I was the other email address and linked the two together. I even logged out of my regular page. VERY annoying to say the least.

I had already deactivated the first page I created. Which takes 14 days, mind you. Stupid if you ask me. But who's asking me? I guess there's a delay, just in case you made a mistake. I'm not backing out. The page has 6 likes. Just 6! That is my fault. Really. But it's still sad. Very, very sad.

So I created a new one. Had a lot of difficulty with the photo for the page. I guess when my blog revamp happened over a year ago I was using a different computer. The image files are somewhere else now so I had to click and save from my blog to have a profile pic.  What a hassle that was! The files wanted to save as png's and basic Facebook doesn't accept those files, then I had to change the saving files. This is all more than I can handle on a six hour nights sleep. Especially after working an eight and half hour shift today. With both kids with me.

Torture? Close to it. If you ask me, I wouldn't mind joining Little E with some sobbing and crying that he blessed me with this afternoon and through the evening. Bedtime couldn't have come fast enough for him. But here I sit, sharing my frustrations with you on my blog Facebook Fan page.
 
So tomorrow I get more torture the pleasure of figuring out how to upload my RSS feed to my Facebook fan page. I know there are blogs out there that do make overs on your page. Are there blogs out there that create your FB page, get all the bugs worked out. Link everything the way it needs to be and set up the links on your blog? Because seriously, I'm not sure if I can handle the pressure. I really don't want to start all over again if I do it wrong.

Content Brew-Coffee is Brewing

Read the first post here.

Day One of Content Brew was a success for me. Our first assignment was to work on our spreadsheets, virtual of course, tentatively where we want our blog posts to be. Being able to visually see where certain topics are each day; even every week, it makes it easy to see where you might want to adjust patterns of subjects you write about. With the awesome spreadsheet that Melissa designed it was almost a breeze to copy, click and paste each color coordinated tab into place.

The spreadsheet is set up for the entire year, but for now I've filled mine up for just a month. Melissa set us up with a suggested minimum amount of topic colors to use but I added a few more for myself without going overboard. It was suggested that less is more and if you have more than one blog that you're writing content for, it might be easier to use two sheets.

I'm using my spreadsheet in Google Docs after reading that my sheet can be accessed anywhere, from any computer, since it's online. So there is no reason for me to forget what posts should be written and posted. I'm loving this! Having lists online, instead of in my head or on a random post it note lost in the shuffle placed safely on my desk is a dream for me. It's a dream come true!

I'm waiting impatiently  with anticipation to get home this evening to start on Day Two! Today we're working on generating content for our Topics. We're even having another Twitter class to discuss what has been covered these first two days.  If you haven't looked into getting a spot in the class, I suggest you head over to momcomm to see if you can get a seat.

Content Brew

Schedules couldn't have worked out more perfectly for me this week. A few weeks ago when Melissa from momcomm announced that the was going to be leading a content planning course for bloggers I was dreaming like a little child who wants to see Mickey Mouse. I signed up for her newsletter and waited patiently like a four year old for information to hit her blog. Of course like any great blogger would do, Melissa promoted it through Twitter and had a party. I attended with many other great ladies and as my luck would have it, I won a spot on the class for March. I couldn't believe that I, little ol me, won a spot.

So after waiting, chewing at the bit the time has come and the class starts this week. My luck couldn;t have been much better either. Little E and Miss K are on Spring Break this week also. Which is a good thing because that means there are no dance classes either! So no late nights this week for this family. Even with my trips planned for the kids I should still have plenty of time in the morning or evening to sit down and do my class work.

If you're looking for a great way to plan out content for your blog. I suggest you look into momcomm's Content Brew course. I know that for myself who is like a butterfly, a happy puppy in the pet store window,  busy mom who works part time outside the house who wears many hats, it makes sense to organize and pre plan my blogging content. Not that I still won't be spontaneous some days.