Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out

A word from Shell:

If you need more info about Pour Your Heart Out, see THIS post.

But, really, it's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out.

Please grab the button for your post and link up!

Be sure to check out some of the links- you will find some amazing stories out there.

Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)

"You're not just marrying the person. You're marrying the entire family".

The above quote is something my mom says to me now and again when I complain about my in- laws. I'm not sure if she told me about this before marrying my husband
would have I changed my mind?
Probably not.
But there have been many times I would like to
move far, far away. I have been with my husband for 17 years and
during that time I have witnessed and experienced many downfalls from his
family. I'm not going to go into detail but I don't agree with some things they have
I don't look forward holidays or birthdays because they create chaos.
His stepmother tries to act like she is his mother. The same woman
who wanted my husband and his brother to disappear when she showed
up in their father's life. And she successfully
got my husband moved out of his dad's house when he needed
his dad the most. She has created many arguments between my husband and I.
I have pushed them away from us because you can't let her get too close.
She's like a vine that doesn't stop until she suffocates you.
I have been dreading Father's Day weekend.
I figured she would create some chaos and true to my fears she texted my husband.
She wanted to know if we had any plans.
Knowing full well that I want to see my own father she thinks only of
her husband.
Could she be more annoying?
I hate to put my husband in the crossfire of my venom for this woman
but she is never going to stop!
I am still getting over this last week's tirades from his brother.
Two times in one week he comes to my house begging for money.
Now, I have been generous to him before but enough is enough.
Don't come complaining to me that you're broke and your house
is tick infested. I can't feel sorry for you because you blew your money at Sea World
and Busch Gardens. It's not my fault that your wife
finds getting her nails and toes done is more important than
buying groceries. I'm sorry that you think just because your brother and I
are more responsible with our money than you are that we should share
with you.
I have to draw the line somewhere.
My husband says if it was MY family I would be helpful.
I don't think so, my brothers and I were raised differently.
I don't want to take the blame for why I get so frustrated with his family
but they always seem to get at me.
I have tried being open minded but it the same thing over and over
again. It has been this way for many years and I have not
figured out a happy medium.
I prefer to not spend anytime with his dad, stepmom, brother, his brother's wife
or my nephew. They complicate my life.
I didn't marry them. I married my husband.
Problem is, he keeps his dad on a pedestal and his brother keeps my husband on one.
I don't even think moving to Alaska would help.



citymouse said...

Stopping by from SITS...

Wow, this seems like a sticky situation. I do understand, however. My husband's family is sorta the same way. We've been a couple for almost 29 years and at first he was more like your husband but after time he started to see his family without the rose colored glasses and things slowly changed. Hang in there and make sure you spend time with your family too.

Shelby Bukhenik said...

I'm so sorry, this sounds like such a tough situation. I wish in laws could be taken if they rocked or leaven if they suck, but life doesn't work that way! It stinks having to find the happy medium. I've only been married for a little over a year, but my in laws are AWFUL as well! I try not to speak of them, but your mom is your mom and its hard to change someones vision of them, especially when they are so manipulative!

good luck!

Louise | Italy said...

Beware...I know to my cost that blood is thicker than water...

Angie said...

So difficult. You sound like such a giving and caring person and you have tried to be there. But esp. with the BIL you are enabling them to continue doing what they are doing and not take responsibility for themselves. ((hugs))

Shell said...

It's so hard when it's family- his or yours. And yes, we marry the family, but if we waited until we found the right guy AND for his family to be the right one, we'd never get married!

A line has to be drawn somewhere, though.

Thanks for linking up!

Eternal Lizdom said...

There is a sliver of my husband's family that is awful. I follow my husband's lead. The family that is important to him and that he is invested in... even if I get annoyed or frustrated or mad... that's his family and I respect the relationship he wants with them. I might sometimes want to pull my hair out over it... but I still feel like I need to follow his lead. And I expect him to do the same with my family.

Mama Hen said...

Wow Tiffany, that is tough! It is a lot of stress for you to carry. When you love someone you don't want to see the people around them taking advantage of them or treating them wrongly. The fact that it is family makes it really hard. Too bad you can't move about four hours away! He, he, he! Have a good day Tiffany!

Mama Hen

Ali said...

Sorry to hear about your situation. Always tricky.

Adrienne said...

We're experiencing some probs with my in laws too. it really stinks to have family drama. I try to be supportive to hubs, and most of the time go above and beyond my call of duty out of respect for him. But, we recently realized that it's draining us. We've decided to set some healthy boundaries. Nothing drastic or hurtful. We love them, but a bit of space is always good. And you're right, moving to Alaska won't help. Although, I have thought of it. LOL These kind of probs go beyond geography. Stopping by from Pour your Heart Out. :)

Emily said...

Wow, that sounds tough. I get along with my in-laws, thankfully, but some of my friends aren't so lucky. I know they have an awful time with their in-laws. It's always hard to deal with family drama, but if you're being the bigger person there's not much else you can do. Hopefully it gets better.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Have a great day :)

GlowinGirl said...

First of all, sis, this visit is from a fellow Leo . . . August 17th here. Let's celebrate together, shall we?

I'm sorry about the situation with your in-laws. Your mama was right -- you marry the whole "fam damily" as my mom used to say. ;)

Hurting people hurt people. I think it was Beth Moore who said that trying to be kind or get close to people like that was like trying to hug a porcupine.

I hope you are given the strength, wisdom and grace to deal with these difficult circumstances!

Anonymous said...

I think you'll find many of us women being able to relate to your feelings towards your husbands family.

I myself also married into a family that are not very kind,caring, or compassionate people. When I met them I saw right through them and their intentions. I realized how they would take advantage of my husband financially and in many other ways yet when my husband needed them they would all pull away.

It use to get me really upset and angry but with time I noticed how it was silently affecting my husband emotionally. So instead of arguing btw/ one another we have cut all ties with his siblings and just visit his parents every few months.

I hope you will be able to find a way to cope with the situation in which both your husband and you will feel okay with.