Pour Your Heart Out
It's anything that YOU consider pouring your heart out. There isn't ever a theme or topic that you have to blog about- it's completely a personal thing.
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Again, just a brief reminder that everyone linking is pouring their hearts out and we should all be respectful in our comments. ;)
The other night I was having a discussion with my husband about this crazy saying that was repeated over and over in high school by my peers. I won't repeat it because it's vulgar but it came from that show SouthPark. It's something he laughs about but I never saw the show ever.
I never watched the show because my mom never allowed us to watch MTV after school and I've always thought I led a sheltered life. I tell my husband this a lot because I was oblivious to things that happened around me growing up because my parents kept me from it. I was not allowed to go to parties, after school functions or hang out at my friends house after school. My brothers and I were expected to walk home from the bus stop, call mom, do our chores and then do our homework.
I truly believe that once I got out from under their thumb I went a little wild. I found hanging out with the bad crowd was fun! Under the pretenses that I was spending the night at my friend's house I was sneaking out and we were going to parties, hanging out with boys and smoking. Life was good. Then I got into BIG trouble. My world came crashing down and my mother pulled the plug on that life. If she could have she would have locked me in a closet and home schooled me.
So high school sucked. I tried to gain my parents trust back for four years and inch by inch I was able to get a little freedom. I dated guys that were not anyone I knew and had bad luck in relationships. So the entire time from my freshman year to my senior year I always thought I had this stigma on my back. I even thought my husband knew the dirty truth about my bad reputation from middle school. I thought that people were talking about me, whispering behind my back and I kept a low profile. But maybe I was wrong.?
Fast forward to the conversation with my husband.
I thought all through high school that people were talking shit and I shot low in life. He tells me that he never knew anything about me before we met. What?! I was always keeping a low profile, going for the jerks because I figured I never had a chance with the hot guys and was I wrong? Was I? I am not saying I regret my husband at all because he has been my rock even through the thick and thin of our lives together. But where would I be if I had realized that my reputation wasn't as shitty as I thought. Would we be together?
I am and was such a paranoid and I have realized that it held me back. It has held me back for years. Until recently, my paranoia about how others perceive me has held me back and ruined friendships. I worry that people are mad at me because they don't talk to me for a few days or something.
What have I learned about all this? That it doesn't matter even if people are talking about you. You have to know that no one knows the real you unless they walk in your shoes and you can't let your actions and pasts decide your future. Shit happens. If those same people have to worry about what bad stuff you have done, then it's pretty possible that they haven't kept their nose clean either. They probably have done something ten times worse and have to compare themselves to you to make themselves feel better. And people always, ALWAYS remember the dirt. It takes ten good things to outdo one bad thing.