Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Pour Your Heart Out-Sweet Baby Girl

This week I am talking about this part of my life that has been suppressed. Please don't judge me for my actions. We are all human and we make mistakes and choices that we may or may not regret later. I am thankful that Shell has come up with this meme. It makes it easier to let it off my chest because I am not alone.

I don't know why I didn't insist that Miss K at 2 years old sit in the shopping cart seat. I must have been having one of those days where I felt like letting her do what she wanted. I put her sit in the basket part as long as she sat down. I should have made her stay sitting or put her in the seat because she wasn't doing as she was told. Pushing the cart around a corner to switch isles, Miss Kay fell out and hit her head. Pretty hard. REALLY hard. Hard enough to hear that smack! I will never forget that day. It was not my shining moment as a mother. But it doesn't end there. I probably should have taken her to her pediatrician that day. But I was embarrassed. I will never know if taking her there that day would have prevented anything from happening.
A few weeks later, it was regular Friday morning at home. I was making breakfast for K, getting ready for work, and having a hard time getting her to eat. It was nothing out of the ordinary to struggle with K to get her to eat. She got out of her chair and threw herself on the floor having a temper tantrum. I scolded her to get up but she didn't do it and laid on the floor. I wasn't going to have that so I went to pick her up and she was lifeless. I looked into her face and called her name KAY! and her eyes rolled back into her head. I tried to rustle her ( I don't want to say shake because I don't need anyone thinking I shook my baby girl because I didn't) and she still did not respond. By now, I'm yelling her name at her KAYYYYYYYY! KAYYYYYYYYYY! Trying to wake her , But nothing was working. She was breathing, but unresponsive. I called my mother in hysterics who told me to hang up and call 911. As I was on the phone with the emergency technician I continued to try and revive my child and explain what was going on. I had moved Kay to the couch while I prayed that the EVAC would just get there. Then she woke up and looked at my face and said "hi mommy", like nothing ever happened. I wrapped my arms around my sweet, baby girl and told the technician on the phone that she was awake. Moments later, the EVAC team arrived and checked vitals. Everything checked okay and I dismissed going in the ambulance and taking her to the hospital.
Where was she ? What happened in that 5 minutes that my daughter blacked out? It all came rushing back to me, the day at Target when she fell out of the shopping cart. Did she have a concussion or a brain bleed? I called the pediatrician as soon as possible that morning and they rushed us in.
One of the wonderful pediatricians at the practice we use thoroughly checked Kay over and prescribed that we have an EEG and an MRI done at Arnold Palmer Hospital. I wasn't taking any chances and called to schedule right away.
The EEG results came back normal but the MRI results found some excess white matter. One of the doctors said maybe the slide was read wrong because Kay was a full term baby that weighed over 8lbs at birth and the results pointed to a condition that only preemies get. I wasn't satisfied and scheduled an appointment to question further. The doctor told my husband and I that Kay possibly has Periventricular Leukomalacia.
He said that we should get another MRI done in a year and as long as the results come back the same we wouldn't need to do another for about 5 years after that. I should have never googled the condition because it frightened me. I won't go into detail about what the outcomes are because they may never happen. We took Kay for her second MRI about 18 months after the first one and the results were still the same and that's a good thing. No change is good.
As I write this today I wonder if God was telling me that we needed to know. That her falling out of the cart was the first indication to get her to a doctor. I'll never know. I honestly have pushed her condition out of mind, I don't think about it. For me, she is a normal child. She really is, she's a healthy, smart active 6 year old. I pray to God that she stays this way and nothing changes.



Kerri said...

Wow. This is a moving story. Thanks for sharing. I am a firm believer in things happening for a were being spoken too.
I am so glad everything happened so you could find out and know. And I'm glad Kay continues to be healthy and active.

Have a wonderful day.

Eternal Lizdom said...

My husband is very diligent about kids in shopping carts- he even rescued someone else's kid once- caught her as she was tumbling out and prevented her from hitting her head. And the mom got pissed at him!

Anyway... things happen for a reason. And I'm so glad your baby continues to get good reports.

This Little Family said...

Oh my (((hugs)))). I also believe that things happen for a reason :)

Shell said...

Aw, that could have easily happened to any of us. How many times have I let my kids ride back there, too?

And it's what led you to the testing.

Sending prayers for no changes in your little doll.

Thanks for pouring your heart out.

Alone in Holy Land said...

I am here on this one with you...Someting slightly similar happened to our daughter Maya - she blacked out and that started a long line of tests, we did the EEGs and CT scans and MRIs. With my baby it was because of the Rotavirus and her being severely dehydrated. Long story...if you want, you can visit my blog and read about it.
My thoughts and positive vibes are on their way to you...

MommyLovesStilettos said...

Wow. Thank you for sharing something so personal with all of us. That is so frightening and I can't even imagine how you felt. *HUGS*

Aphrodite's Mortal Friend (ME) said...

You must have been terrified! I can not imagine watching my child go through that! So sorry!

Amanda said...

God works in ways that we will never fully understand. Maybe that is why she fell out of the cart, if she hadn't maybe you'd never know.

We're not perfect as mothers, and I too once did something so stupid and almost lost my daughter's life. I left her heart medication on the counter w/out a child proof top ~ a heart medication that regulates her heart to not beat fast. She drank it. She almost died right in front of me.

We're not perfect.

I will keep your precious baby girl in my prayers {{{HUGS}}}

Anonymous said...

Like some of the others, I believe things happen for a reason. Thank you for sharing your story.

We 2 Bee's said...

I remember when this happened. Thank you for sharing it on here! It is such a moving story! Love you sweetie! And like everyone else said God does let things happen for a reason and He is the great provider of miracles!

Life Without Pink said...

What a touching, emotional story. I always believe that God puts signs out there for us. I couldn't imagine going through what you did. But thankfully she is ok and doing good. Praying for her!

MoDLin said...

I'm sure this was frightening and I can only imagine all the things that went flying through your mind. But as others have said, so many of us have or would have done the same thing at the store.
You received an opportunity to give your daughter extra care and attention. That is a blessing. Thanks for sharing this with us.

singedwingangel said...

I am praying that she remains with nothing changed for you.. She is a beautiful little girl..

Tammy said...

That had to be tough. My sister jumped out of a barn into a haystack when she was a kid. It was not a huge haystack and she hit her head. She started vomiting a few days later. My mom thought it was just a bonk and left it at that. After the vomiting continued happening she finally took her to the doc and that is where she was diagnosed with a bruise on her brain. She would drink a bunch of water and it would make the brain swell causing her to vomit. It was a scary time so I can imagine how you felt. You are not a bad happens to us all!

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