Pour Your Heart Out-Sweet Baby Girl

This week I am talking about this part of my life that has been suppressed. Please don't judge me for my actions. We are all human and we make mistakes and choices that we may or may not regret later. I am thankful that Shell has come up with this meme. It makes it easier to let it off my chest because I am not alone.



I don't know why I didn't insist that Miss K at 2 years old sit in the shopping cart seat. I must have been having one of those days where I felt like letting her do what she wanted. I put her sit in the basket part as long as she sat down. I should have made her stay sitting or put her in the seat because she wasn't doing as she was told. Pushing the cart around a corner to switch isles, Miss Kay fell out and hit her head. Pretty hard. REALLY hard. Hard enough to hear that smack! I will never forget that day. It was not my shining moment as a mother. But it doesn't end there. I probably should have taken her to her pediatrician that day. But I was embarrassed. I will never know if taking her there that day would have prevented anything from happening.
A few weeks later, it was regular Friday morning at home. I was making breakfast for K, getting ready for work, and having a hard time getting her to eat. It was nothing out of the ordinary to struggle with K to get her to eat. She got out of her chair and threw herself on the floor having a temper tantrum. I scolded her to get up but she didn't do it and laid on the floor. I wasn't going to have that so I went to pick her up and she was lifeless. I looked into her face and called her name KAY! and her eyes rolled back into her head. I tried to rustle her ( I don't want to say shake because I don't need anyone thinking I shook my baby girl because I didn't) and she still did not respond. By now, I'm yelling her name at her KAYYYYYYYY! KAYYYYYYYYYY! Trying to wake her , But nothing was working. She was breathing, but unresponsive. I called my mother in hysterics who told me to hang up and call 911. As I was on the phone with the emergency technician I continued to try and revive my child and explain what was going on. I had moved Kay to the couch while I prayed that the EVAC would just get there. Then she woke up and looked at my face and said "hi mommy", like nothing ever happened. I wrapped my arms around my sweet, baby girl and told the technician on the phone that she was awake. Moments later, the EVAC team arrived and checked vitals. Everything checked okay and I dismissed going in the ambulance and taking her to the hospital.
Where was she ? What happened in that 5 minutes that my daughter blacked out? It all came rushing back to me, the day at Target when she fell out of the shopping cart. Did she have a concussion or a brain bleed? I called the pediatrician as soon as possible that morning and they rushed us in.
One of the wonderful pediatricians at the practice we use thoroughly checked Kay over and prescribed that we have an EEG and an MRI done at Arnold Palmer Hospital. I wasn't taking any chances and called to schedule right away.
The EEG results came back normal but the MRI results found some excess white matter. One of the doctors said maybe the slide was read wrong because Kay was a full term baby that weighed over 8lbs at birth and the results pointed to a condition that only preemies get. I wasn't satisfied and scheduled an appointment to question further. The doctor told my husband and I that Kay possibly has Periventricular Leukomalacia.
He said that we should get another MRI done in a year and as long as the results come back the same we wouldn't need to do another for about 5 years after that. I should have never googled the condition because it frightened me. I won't go into detail about what the outcomes are because they may never happen. We took Kay for her second MRI about 18 months after the first one and the results were still the same and that's a good thing. No change is good.
As I write this today I wonder if God was telling me that we needed to know. That her falling out of the cart was the first indication to get her to a doctor. I'll never know. I honestly have pushed her condition out of mind, I don't think about it. For me, she is a normal child. She really is, she's a healthy, smart active 6 year old. I pray to God that she stays this way and nothing changes.

Up to my knees: Post it Tuesday

The Princess is out of the Castle

The quiet in the house was the first sign
that you were not sitting in my chair
not looking out the blinds
showing me you still care

The silence was deafening
it had only been a short while
since our goodbyes
and remembering your sweet smile

I shut your door so I would not peek
and see that you were not there
Somehow it hasn't helped the emptiness
do you know I still care?

I cherished your phone call
telling me of your day
I can't believe you're not so small
anymore to be sent away

I am counting the days
until you return
enjoy your spring break, little one
I hope you're having fun.

Not Me! Monday-My Knight in Camo

Welcome to Not Me! Monday a blog carnival created by McKMama. You can head over to her blog and read what she and everyone else has not been doing this week after you read mine.

This past week my husband went on his hunting trip that started with him leaving on Wednesday evening after my bell choir practice. I was not not happy about his hunting trip. I did not try to get him to forgo the trip with some crying, weeping and feeling sorry for myself. I am a self reliant, strong willed woman who would never try use the "emotional woe is me card". I did not pray really, really hard to God for him to shoot a turkey on the first day so he would be able to come home early. I would not ask God to take time out from more important things to feed my selfish behavior. I did not take my kids to a restaurant on the second night of the trip then let them drink chocolate milk and stay up an hour after bedtime. Nope not me! I did not have a panic attack the same evening when a horrible thunderstorm blew in making me believe the lights would go out leaving me "alone in the dark". Not me!, I am more controlled than that and never let my fears overtake me. I did not call my husband at 10:30 that night crying and ask him to come home a day early. Nope! My husband did not cut his trip short and come home Friday night at 8:45 and surprise me and the kids! Not my husband! I did not feel like a huge weight was lifted from my chest when he came home to be by my side. No way, not me! I am an independent woman who can handle running the house by myself.

Six Degrees of Blogging 03/27/10

Oh happy day!! It's Saturday and I am in such a great mood considering I'm sitting at work for the next seven hours. I am so excited to participate in the 2nd week of 6 Degrees of blogging featured at Work, Wife, Mom...Life . If haven't joined this meme head over and check out the rules and link up. You will enjoy it! It's a great way to "meet" new people.

My Featured Blog for the day:
The Swanson Family
I loved checking out Shannon's blog. She is a SAHM to two children, Ella who is (5) and Samuel who is (2). She loves to knit, sew and photograph. She sews clothes for her sweet little girl Ella and also she sells the same ones on her Etsy site. Her post yesterday featured a few of the recent dresses she has made and they are soo cute! Her little one Samuel reminds me of my little man E. I found a post where she took away his pacifier and it made me think of all the photos I took of my little guy with his paci in his mouth. You should check out this blog because she is such a down to earth mom, I can't wait to read more.

Fabulous Friday 2 For 1

I always say...better late than never. Right? Today was one of those days. I couldn't get anything finished, I was tired and I had my daughter with me at work. Not a very productive day. So here I am trying to catch up and do a couple memes for Friday. I am sooo looking forward to the weekend.
Thank you to Julia at Work,Wife, Mom...Life for introducing me to Follow Me Fridays.
And for second meme and never too late..



1. Did you pass your driver's test on the first try?
I guess so because I took driver's education in high school and we took our test their and received a certificate to take to the driver's license bureau. After going to the DMV all I was required to do was retake a written test and I was given a license.

2.What is your most embarrassing moment?
I got pretty drunk on one of my friend's birthday outings. It was four couples and a few other friends partying in Daytona that night. We hit 2 clubs and I got pretty smashed. Whoopsie. My husband and I rode in my friend's vehicle that night, the one who's birthday we were celebrating. I suggested stopping at Denny's since in my younger years eating breakfast at 2 am after drinking would sober me up. Yeah, maybe that worked in my 20's but not my 30's. I was a mess and couldn't stop laughing the whole time.

3.What tv show would you like to be on- Oprah, The Biggest Loser or What Not to Wear?

What Not to Wear I think they pay for a new wardrobe or at least a few new outfits to start you out. My wardrobe consists of jeans, jean shorts, cotton tops and capris. I need a fashion make over.

I admit it! Honest.

4. Would you ever get plastic surgery and what kind?

Oh yes. I want more than one procedure too. I would like some lipo, a tummy tuck and my girls done. I have struggled with weight issues since the 5th grade in elementary school. I want to wear a bikini again before I die. For you fellow breastfeeding moms, you know what I mean about your girls not looking so good after feeding your babies. Most recently I have decided I need a facial or face lift. I'm showing signs of crow's feet, brow creases and furrowed brow area. I'm picky I know and probably will never be able to afford it all, but a girl can dream. Right?

5.What are your favorite jeans to wear?
I love Levi's, the original ones. But I am on the hunt for a new brand because they have discontinued my style.
Any suggestions? I like the heavier jean material, not stretchy material. Low rise, medium length with flare leg. Is that too much to ask??

Top 3 Thursday- I Confess

It's Thursday and I am soo glad for that. For those of you who know don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here. Last night my husband left for a few days of hunting. I had a hard time falling asleep and waking up alone was no fun, but I survived. One night down...another reason I'm even more excited about today because it's time for Top 3 Thursday!

Co hosted by Confessions From a Working Mom and The (Un)Experienced Mom. Today's topic is:
What are the Top 3 Things you should have thrown away, .............like yesterday?
3. My scrunchie collection. I had one of every color to match my outfits and always wore it on my wrist until I needed to wear it. I still have a gallon sized ziploc bag of scrunchies in the bathroom cabinet under the sink. I stopped wearing them a few years ago and couldn't bear the thought of throwing them away. I thought maybe my daughter would want them? Bwaahaahaha! Did you know the elastic goes bad in them?


2. My prom dress. I know that I will never, I mean never fit in to it again. Even if I did fit into it, it's not like I'd wear it to church or something. It used to be hanging in my old closet at my parents house up until a year ago. My mom was cleaning out the closets and sent it my way. I just haven't had the willpower to get rid of it. Those puffy sleeves will never be in style again. Or will they?


1. Notes from my high school boyfriend (which is now my husband) I actually thought I threw them out when Little E was born and we turned the computer room into his nursery. That was 2 1/2 years ago. But recently I opened a container in the new computer room and voila! there they were. I'll have to have the hubs burn them in our burn pit where all the "important" items go to be destroyed. ( I don't trust shredding)

What items are lurking in your house that you're ready to confess about?

Wednesday- No Holds Barred

You know how liberating it is to double dip, right? Its like when you're eating nachos dipped in melted velveeta cheese with salsa and you take the first bite and then you dip half your chip again. And no one says anything. Well this Wednesday I am doubling dipping and doing TWO memes! I'm linking up with Shell at Things I Can't Say with her Pour Your Heart Out, which is my first time on this meme so be gentle. Then for my first time I will be linking up to Chief at Hiding From The Kids with her What I Meant To Say.

It's been said that you should have no regrets. I know that having regrets makes it look like I don't appreciate what I have now. Because if I hadn't made the choices that I made in the past the present time as I know it, wouldn't exist. I still regret one major thing. I should have finished college and not wasted the time worrying about my boyfriend. I was a freshman in college in the Fall of 1994 and I was attending UCF. I thought I was sooo big time because most of my friends were going to the Community College to get their Associate's Degree to then head on to a university. I was going straight to the big U.
Mistake #1. I should have moved to the campus and stopped living in my hometown. I would have buckled down and had no choice but to attend classes. But I lived at home, worked part time at the grocery store, attended classes full time at the college and had my boyfriend.
Mistake #2. Skipping classes to visit my boyfriend. Those professors didn't call your mom when you missed class. So I would go to class randomly and try to learn and make the grades. That didn't work too well.
Mistake #3 Failing all my classes and the university kicked me out after 2 semesters. I had no idea they could do that but they did. the worst part of all of going and not getting anything from it, the student loans. I took out loans to attend those classes and had to pay it back. I paid back alot of school loans and had NOTHING to show for it.
It's embarrassing.
I know if I had stayed in college and finished, my boyfriend ( who is now my husband) and I would have not stayed together. I really don't think we would have. My life would be completely different. Better? Worse? Who knows. I know God allows us to make choices and that he tries to guide our paths. I hoping that I'm following the path now. I'm going to make good on my past mistake and I'm making a promise to myself. I WILL GO BACK. I will get my degree and I will quit working for my parents.


At work yesterday my mom, my dad and I were discussing my ailing grandmother and her current living situation. The conversation moved to when they and my husband's parents get that age and who would be expected to take care of them. I am not a fan of having any parent come and live with me and voiced my concern about my husband's family.

My dad says "they're not going to come and live with you, your house is too small".

I said, "what? You really think I'm going to be living in THAT house still?"

What I would have liked to say "What a rude comment! Why would you think so lowly of me? You really think that I'm going no where in life? Is that it? Yeah well you better think twice about that because I'm not working for you forever. You won't have your thumb keeping me down for life. Take that!"

PS. I write this as I am supposed to be working. That is what he gets.

Read the Sign

To the people who don't read at the gym,

Rules are posted for a reason. I realize that if the staff at the gym don't bring it to your attention, you obviously think it's okay. I believe that you are rude and should NOT talk on your phone while using the machines. Take your conversation to the locker room. Yes, it is funny to try to read your lips while I work out on my machine if you're across the room. But I would appreciate you not talking about your boyfriend or what he does for the 25 minutes I ride my bicycle.
To the girl who decided that she would just do 6 zones on the 30 minute express workout. If you want to do the leg press, calf curl and thigh machine then go use them on the floor! Stick to the program sweetie. And to my favorite lady of the day! You really made me work harder and faster yesterday. When you jump out of order and steal my stepper again, I will have to go postal on you. I really concentrated on that red light/green light to make sure you didn't do it again. And to ALL you people who don't wipe down your machines, that is just gross! Do me favor and next time when you get your butt up off the vinyl seat, look down. Seat that wet, sweaty spot. Yes!! that spot. It's your germs, please do me a favor and wipe it off. I am so glad for hand sanitizer.
Sincerely,
Your fellow workout buddy

Don't Forget Your Shoes:Post It Tuesday

Trapped in a Car for 2 Hours-Road Trip

We heading on a road trip today to visit my grandmother. Kay and Little E's great grandma "Grammy". It's almost a two hour trip there with the kids and the hubby. I will have the pleasure of not being the pilot of the SUV but I will be the trip coordinator. Or the tour guide or whatever. I have packed snacks, drinks and the usual items to keep everyone entertained. Let's see what my bag has......
DVD's, DVD player, baby doll, stroller for baby doll, books, crayons, coloring books, sketch boards, matchbox cars, a penny (hmmm Little E must've been helping me) a pencil, Nintendo DS game ( ohhh I better get Kay's games that I packed away or she'll be gameless) and I think we have it all.
I'm sure once we get on the road some one will most surely ask "ARE WE THERE YET?" The dreaded question. The mother of all questions on a road trip. Followed by the statement "Mom, I have to go pee."
So wish me luck that we make it safely there and back home this evening.

Six Degrees of Blogging-03/20/10

My Featured Blogger today:
My Real Review

This is a very useful blog! The blog owner Nicole is a stay at home mom to two little boys and a student by night. She is a once a month grocery shopper and a once a month cooker. What makes her blog so useful is that she gives you tips on everything she has tried from gardening, to thrift store shopping, grocery shopping and going green! I loved reading about her environmentally safe home garden with soil made from her own compost! For me being a newbie gardener and some one who always wants to learn how to save a buck this was a great blog to discover. I fell in love and became a follower today! So go on over and show her some love and leave a comment. You will certainly find something great to read over there.

Random

A little bit of randomness...............

This face is what happens when I pull out my camera to take pictures of my sweet, little boy. He gets silly. Or maybe he's just being silly because he is getting ready to go to bed.

Check out his shoes. I didn't give Little E a hard time about wearing shoes in the house...not this time. Following daddy's footsteps...

I couldn't resist taking a few photos of my little guy. I can't believe how fast he's growing up. It really seems like overnight your child's personality changes.

One day they're clinging to you like a babe. The next, they're telling you "no, mama I am a big boy. I don't need to hold your hand".

Top 3 Thursday-Quirks

Today's blog carnival is Top 3 Thursday hosted by Confessions From a Working Mom and The (Un)Experienced Mom.

What are your Top 3 Quirks?

3. I never leave the house without my hair looking nice and my make up on. I WILL NOT leave the house without my makeup for any circumstance. I was in labor with Little E, with contractions 8 minutes apart and I was applying my full regime of makeup. No kidding. From the foundation all the way to the mascara and blush.

2. I am really Obsessive Compulsive and I blame most of my anal cleaning issues on that part of my personality. One of my worst is going behind and re-cleaning and wiping the counters after meals. I am really bad about it after dinner which is the messiest of meals. My husband tries his best to get the crumbs and food splatter but I most always inspect it later.

1. Wrinkled clothes. I cannot stand to wear my jeans or tops after they have been hanging in the closet on a hanger. Even a t-shirt to wear around the house bothers me if it is over wrinkled. I spray them with a water mist and throw them in the dryer for 10 minutes. This makes traveling really hard and staying in a hotel room. As most hotel rooms don't have a washer/dryer in them. I usually pack my favorite clothes in a hanging travel bag to ensure that I don't have many wrinkles.

Sleep deprivation